Fmu Scholarship, The student's accomplishments, a statement on how the funds will impact his/her

As a Graducate I have accomplished many tragi battles, but one accomplishment that I achieved through my high school year is graducating .everybody in high school looks forward to graducation day, I was looking forward to graducation myself, but I had a higher goal in mind.I wanted to be an over achiever and take three classes online with my already packed schedule;at the begining I didn't know how I was going to finish those classes and all seven period with a full adgenda of assignments. but I knew that no goal was ever too hard for me to accomplish,and failure wasn't an option;so I kept my mind set on the bigger picture.Hard work ,dedication,and wise decision making helped me to accomplish my graducation goal and graducate above the district level of credits for a high school student to graducate with which made my senior easy.

To begin With, Hard work didn't just start my senior year, it actually started the first day I walked into my freshmen class. my teachers always told me that my freshmen year would determind my senior year rank and classes.I went above and beyond as a learning disabity student and did all my work that was given to me.dedicaton is sticking to a particular task and not stopping until the job at hand is done .I made a choice that I was going to be an over achiever,and I did just that.I couldn't just do my best for one year and think the job was done;no this was a four year commitment.don't get me wrong my four years in high school wasn't always a piece of cake ,but I couldn't give up when the road got tuff.I dedicated my life to make sure my dreams would turn into reality

THIS IS MY FIRST PARAGRAPH PLEASE HELP ME ,I WILL RETURN THE FAVOR

Hi, Doylene. I'll help you with some parts of your statement.

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There are spelling and punctuation errors here. Also, I think "many tragic battles" is too dramatic. Here's how I would write this sentence:

As a Graducategraduate, I have accomplished many tragi battlesmany things , but one accomplishment that I achieved through my high school year is graducatingmy proudest was graduating from high school .

Even better, I think you should leave off "As a graduate" at the beginning of this sentence. It's a bit redundant. Here's my suggestion:

While I have accomplished much in my life so far, my proudest accomplishment is having graduated from high school.

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Let's connect these ideas better. I'll show you how (and fix some spelling and punctuation errors):
everybody in high school looksLike everyone, I looked forward to graducationgraduation day, I was looking forward to graducation myself , but I had a higher goal in mind.

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I think you need to shorten this if you want to make it one sentence. Here are my suggestions:
I wanted to be an over achiever and take three classes online withon top of my already packed schedule; at the begining, I didn't know how I was going to finish those classes and all seven period with a full adgenda of assignmentsdo it all .

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Try not to start sentences with "but." I'm going to improve the style of this for you:
butKnowingI knew that no goal was ever too hard for me to accomplish , and that failure wasn't an option ;,so I kept my mind set on the biggerbig picture.

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I hope that helps you some :)

You should delete a word "graduate" that is repeating and reorganize your first sentence.
Also,maybe telling a specific story of how you put your hard work can strengthen your essay.