My friend is always the one who gives big impact to my life. (NTU scholarship application)

Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic (...)

a talented individual with a great attitude

As a humble learner, i am a student to the environment. I would learn everything i saw and i heard, analyze the experience and enhance my skills. After all that i have met before, my friend, Lim JitWei, is always the one who gives big impact to my life.

He has some strong characteristics and he is a talented individual. 'Attitude, not aptitude determines your altitude' is a quote he holds in his mind. To me, he is a friend, a mentor, a person whom i can set as a target to race for. Firstly, he has a strong independence personality, that he could organize his time so well and make quick decisions on lose and earn situations. He was the model to me to learn from, and to imitate his line of thought even it was done unconsciously. Besides he is such a charismatic person that whoever talked to him would get attracted by his gentleman-style communicating skill, even though it always end with some of our dirty jokes. Jit also taught me the way he dominate the basketball game, pull me out from the nerdy lifestyle once i used to have.

Once i was so relentless to pursue something, something that wasn't worth it like it seemed to be, in fact, knowing that it is a holy grail to me to achieve. He was silence once, then showing no mercy to point out the mistakes that i have made, even it made me awkward, his perspectives are always the ones i can allude to. Knowing his words by heart as he evoked me to pursue my greater dreams, which i hold in my mind now-and-then, hoping that i will get scholarship from NTU to reduce my family's burden and to achieve my dream.

Please provide your precious advice to the essay for further improvement. Merci beaucoup!

The first few sentences change tense a couple of times, make sure all the tenses match! Or if you want to refer to the past, set that up before switching tenses.

I know this essay needs to ultimately be about you, but my first question after reading is "who is Lim JitWei?" You only really mention that he is a friend, he is a strong, independent person, but I could name you 3 people like that that I know off the top of my head. Is he someone you met through school? Is he a family friend you've always admired?

Also I wouldn't mention dirty jokes? They typically say "say nothing negative" in essays for things and I would just stick to not doing that.

@Tennor
I would say that one of your mistakes was writing 'i' instead of 'I.' Also, the way you quoted someone else might be considered plagiarism, so if I were you; I would you the proper punctuation to avoid such situation. It is good. Avoid using 'so relentless.'

Just checking one more time. : )

Tennor, refocus the content of your essay discussion. Rather than presenting your friend in this stand alone manner, discuss him in a manner that constantly relates to you instead. That is because the essay needs to see the direct relationship that your development as a person had on your personality. Therefore, the reviewer needs to know what kind of person you were before you met your friend. What were your weaknesses and strengths? Were you a good or bad person? Then discuss how you met this person and how he positively affected your life. Discuss the improvements that you found yourself evolving into based on his influence. Make sure that the direct relevance of his wise words or your emulation of his actions made you a better person. You will have to write a totally new essay but I assure you that it will be well worth the 300 newly developed sentences that you will be writing.