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A genuine leader can be able to initiate a change and open the doors to better worlds. Scholarship

thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 8, 2018   #1

Leadership and influence essay

I strongly believe that a genuine leader can be able to initiate a change and open the doors to better worlds.
Let me share my experiences.On july 2018,I took part in voluntary works by going to the devastating flooded areas in Thahtone district,Mon State,Myanmar.Ashin Aggasiri,who was the chief leader,arranged for eleven light trucks and I supervised one on behalf of my quarter of the city.I then persuaded youngsters in my vicinity to help in that event and collected donations,clothing and other necessities door by door.On July 13,we,a group of thirty people went there by private light truck and throughout the trip I managed to take care of the members,ranging from food to medicines since I had to take responsiblity and account for their safety.And,I also suggested them to say and stay with discipline in an unfamiliar place.When we reached there,we stayed at a local monastery and visited a village per day by motor boats,and delivered those stuff.It was a difficult and exciting experience for me as I had to take care of some in my group having influenza due to some rains.I learned some safety tips and made sure them to wear life-saving jackets.This was an exhilarating and unforgettable experience for me as I got a chance to give a hand to those people in great need.On that trip,I listened to members' thoughts,feelings and ideas,and let them do as to their ideas.I tried to keep a balance between leading and supporting role equally.I guess this was the reason why I could influence them well.Secondly,when I was in my second year of working as a software engineer,I had to supervise three novices.They were under great stress and strain due to teething troubles,leading them to almost resign.Therefore,I divided the project into three parts;database,developing and design,and assign them each which were compatible with their talents and inclination.This could tremendously save them from workload and lead them concentrate on theur respective sections.And I requested to give a senior from Managing Director,and he and I alternatively trained them for an hour daily.And,I arranged them to share their knowledge each other,resulting in time-saving and boosting up their confidence.I hired them motivational books and often hanged out with them to create enjoyable self-learning work environment.After finishing that project,they were promoted as permanent software developers.At present,one is working for NTT data system(Japan) as system analyst and others are working abroad as application engineers.This event was so memorable for me as I could save them from resignation and lead them to be successful in their programming careers.

To conclude,I believe that leadership is taking courage,guiding people into the right route,and illuminating our surroundings as much as we can.
Paulscs 2 / 2  
Oct 8, 2018   #2
This essay needs some serious improvements in structure. Perhaps you could divide the big paragraph into two. In the first paragraph you could tell your anecdote and then what you gained from it or what exactly does it show about yourself that makes you a valuable applicant. On the second paragraph you could include the second anecdote but two anecdotes can make your essay quite circuitous and prolix. Also, use spacing at end of every sentence.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Oct 9, 2018   #3
Thi Thi, this is not a competitive leadership and influencing essay. In fact, the information contained in this essay cannot be considered Chevening material. You are presenting an essay based on logistics and logistic expertise rather than leadership and influencing qualifications in the first part of your essay. The second part, is not about leadership but about mentoring, which is often confused by the applicants. You need to delete this essay and think of a true instance of leadership and influencing that can be competitive.

It has to be strong in terms of leadership and impressive in terms of influencing. While the situation you presented in the first part of the essay, the part about the relief distribution after the storm has potential, your narration is very weak an unimpressive. Try to develop an essay that clearly defines your leadership style and your intentions when influencing your subordinates. This essay isn't accomplishing that task at all.
OP thithinwe 3 / 7 1  
Oct 9, 2018   #4
Hello Holt,I really appreciate and am grateful to your very comprehensive suggestions and explaination.Now I have improved my essay and seriously ask for your suggestions since your advices are really helpful.

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