Qustion :Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit)
Quest Bridge National College Match: Essay #2
Ninety- two out of one hundred is by no means a perfect score. In fact, most grading systems consider this an A minus. But when I got that grade back on my Algebra II/ Trigonometry Regents, I was the proudest kid in the whole world.
I looked down at my math test with trepidation; another sixty five. "Why do I even try?" I asked myself. I had been bad at math my entire high school life; besides I was more of an English student anyway. I gathered my items and headed out only to be stopped by my math teacher Dr. Fox. He implored me to come to the tutoring sessions, seeing as how the Trigonometry Regents was two months away. I reluctantly agreed and showed up later that afternoon to a sparsely population classroom. I stayed and listened to his lesson for forty five minutes, and after most of the kids had left I stilled remained confused. I expected to go home and just try and use the internet to figure it out. Dr. Fox wanted me to understand. He stayed with me for an extra forty five minutes practiced problem after problem until I could comprehend the topic. I continued going to his tutoring for the next two months, every three days a week. I could feel myself becoming stronger in math, and more importantly I knew Dr. Fox had wanted me to succeed. During the two week break from school Dr. Fox announced he would be coming to school, even though he had no classes to teach. I continued assiduously attended his sessions, when on the final session came I still had two weeks of independent study time. I revised my goals, I would no longer settle for "just passing", I wanted to excel, I would devote all my effort to this goal. I did every possible Trigonometry Regents from the year two thousand to the most recent one. Every day I would devote three hours to my studies.
I waited in the auditorium with my classmates; I knew today was the award ceremony. Bored, I watched many of my peers eager to get up and claim their award, practically jaded by how many awards they received. "Ethan Assing", I heard my name called out and looked at the stage. I had won an award? I looked closely and saw it was for "The most improved Algebra II/ Trigonometry". I walked to the stage and got my award, as I sat back down my friends congratulated me and browsed my award, just as surprised as I. Beaming with pride I walked to the exit, and saw Dr. Fox. Shaking my hand he congratulated me and said he had personally vouched and insisted upon me getting that award. That junior year I had left feeling accomplished, my hard work had paid off, this is my greatest achievement.
- "But when I got that grade back on my Algebra II/ Trigonometry Regents" >> a grade back on what.. a test? final grade? needs specification
- "I had been bad at math my entire high school life" >> replace with something like " I had been bad in math throughout my entire high school career".
- "and after most of the kids had left I stilled remained confused" >> consider rephrasing this sentence. It takes a while to understand what you mean when you talk about the other kids. did you mean that they left because they understood the lesson? or because the session was over?
- "I did every possible Trigonometry Regents from the year two thousand to the most recent one" >> what do you mean by this ? what are regents ? from the year two thousand to the most recent one... I don't think you need to mention that, it feels like it makes your sentence drag.
- " I walked to the stage and got my award, as I sat back down my friends congratulated me and browsed my award, just as surprised as I. " >> replace with something like " I walked to the stage and received my award. As I sat back down, my friends congratulated me and browsed my award; they were just as surprised as I was! "
- "That junior year I had left feeling accomplished" >> "I finished my junior year with a great feeling of accomplishment"
This is a good essay, and I wrote everything I thought needed to be worked on. It is a good subject, but you need to make your sentences flow more.
Good job keep it up!
