Please help tp point out the weakness of my essay. ALso please check if my essay will be accused of plagiarism because it looks familiar to my friend's essay
My essay:
There is never an easy way for people to accept the difference between their actions and motives, or to acknowledge themselves the natural-born defects of humanity. Human's eyes rarely function to display images as a mirror would reflect, nor analyze its contacts into deeper details as a microscope. Human usually find ethics and morals upon previous teaching experiences, and by their own set up scale, which typically controlled by their individual, self-interest brains. Additionally, there is also no obvious physical boundary between intentional and involuntary actions, because people often support themselves wisely for their misconducted behaviors and performances. Everyone wants to be superior to others, and only a few are opened to other's opinions. Today's physical materials, such as money, gold, diamond, and powerful, high-status positions in this complex metamorphic society incomprehensibly affect one's awareness and motives. Gia Nguyen, the youngest member of a wealthy family in Vietnam, had lived in a selfish, arrogant, and conscienceless manner until the death of his parents and the corruption of family's business, which devastated him and led to his becoming friendlier and more accessible.
Gia had never cared about others, in either a physical or a spiritual sense, and his parents were no exception. Although Gia's parents were both economically successful, but they suffered painfully. Both had high blood pressure and diabetes; therefore, they had to visit the hospital occasionally. Gia, despite this fact, never bothered to ask anything about his parents' health. Many of his relatives had advised him to quit being too apathetic, but he persisted in his opinion that: the rich are always able to acquire products of medical technologies before anyone else, which helps them to overcome the ravages of illness. Gia had much more leisure time than other boys, but he always rejected offers to participate in community organizations, such as Youth Social Club, and Summer Ride, since, most of the members did not meet his requirements for friendship. Community services were meaningless to him, because he assumed that someone else would take care of such business. Gia was also selfish. He always tried to eliminate any opponents who impeded his getting girls' attention. On one occasion, three friends and he decided to head to a basketball game, and, of course, Gia agreed to pay all the costs. He was also the one who arrived earliest on that day, and soon, he noticed a blonde, tall, skinny girl who had gotten stuck at the entrance gate because the tickets were sold out. Instantly, he gladly approached her and offered a free ticket from his pocket. The girl accepted his invitation after a minute of contemplation, and he called his friends to cancel their outing. Although Gia might use fifty thousand dollars on a new car every six months or spend a thousand for each meal he enjoyed, he never gave out a cent to beggars on the sidewalk, nor was he concerned about any letters from charity organizations. Again, such activities did not seem to benefit him in any positive way; hence, he neglected them.
Finally, two consecutive disasters shook at Gia's family. Two months before Gia's 16th birthday, when he was enjoying the fresh air of the beach, and the passionate melody of the wave in Vung Tau city, a nicely dressed woman, with a friendly smile, came to him and said: "I am so sorry sir, but your credit card is not working ". This never happened to him before; he tried the rest of his cards, but none of them solved the problem. He then immediately called his father's secretary, Jenny, and a hopeless voice of the new unemployed, on the other side of the phone, resounded:" The Company is bankrupted". His feet froze under the warmest sand layers of the summer; his sweaty palm clung to the phone, up to his ear, and his arrogant eyes were gloomy and motionless. Nevertheless, Gia was furious instead of having any sympathetic sensation for the massive losses of his parents. He drove home the next day to figure out what was going on. For the first time in his life, Gia had to, manually, open the gate to get into his palace. "It was Mr. Doorkeeper's job", he grunted. On his path to the chamber, the gardeners disappeared; the waterfall stopped rocking, and the high beam lamp-posts had gotten a rest. He used his cellphone as a flashlight to light up to his room, twisted the door, and started to feel "the end of the world". When Gia began to calm himself, a sudden ringtone grasped his attention. "Hello, this is Gia", he spoke feebly. He did not recognize his uncle's voice, until his uncle repeated: "your parents' car has crashed against the mountain, and they did not make it". No one was able to see him for the next two days, until his presence at the funeral.
The tragedy had wakened Gia up from indifference to others. He had moved to America to live with his uncle, and began a new journey. He is now a Biochemistry student at University of Nevada Las Vegas, a member of UNLV Chess Club, and a part-time worker at a local grocery store. Although Gia is now busy with his life, and he has to use the buses for most of his transportations, he is enjoying his frugal, relaxed, and "common" life. His friends have found him as very easy to approach. He now knows how to pick up trash when he was walking down to the street, how to assist elderly, how to deal with "common" people, and to fit naturally into his new world. Gia also participates in many other school and community activities, and starts to think about others before he says or does something. His changes might not be significant or seem to be meaningless to some people, but; indeed, he has done the toughest task in the universe.
Although Gia needs almost 17 years to realize the mistakes, it was nothing compared to his bright future. His correction has been recognized by anyone who has interacted with him in the past 2 years. A more affable, emotional, and amendable Gia has stood up from the ashes. As a result of self-image, he understands how arrogant, selfish, and conscienceless he had been. He has also noticed that his life has become much easier, relaxed, and peaceful. No one will be left behind, because adversities always come before successes.
And this is my friend's :
It is difficult to see oneself as others do. Men and women tend to rationalize their behavior, providing excuses as to why they did or did not perform some action. They often give themselves the benefit of the doubt when they suspect that they may have acted in their own, rather than in another person's, best interests. They sometimes believe that they act according to motives other than the true ones which inspire their behavior. Such individuals are sometimes dishonest, about both their intentions and their conduct, but, other times, they may simply be mistaken--no one knows him- or herself completely; everyone is capable, at times, of surprising him- or herself. Likewise, people may lack the knowledge or the experience that they need to make objective, realistic, and accurate evaluations of their actions or those of the others with whom they interact. However, some people are simply more selfish than others and do whatever as they please, whenever they like. A few are unaware that their actions do not match their inclinations. Occasionally, someone acts as he or she does simply because he or she has no reason or, more commonly, no incentive, to change his or her behavior, even though it may be offensive or annoying to another person. Tom Smith is such an individual. He changed only when his obnoxious behavior became as painful to him as it was to his someone about whom he cared. Once, Tom was stubborn, but after he lost a girlfriend because of his inflexible behavior, he became more open-minded.
Tom always insisted upon having his own way. When his girlfriend, Brenda Lewis, suggested that they drive up the Coastal Highway, from San Diego, so that they could enjoy the ocean scenery, as they passed through the beach cities on their way to Los Angeles, Tom wouldn't hear of it. He said that he was the driver, not her, and that, as the driver, he would decide which route they drove. They'd made the same trip many times, and he always drove the same route, he told her, for a reason: going by Interstate 5 was quicker than traveling by the Coastal Highway, because the interstate bypassed the very beach cities that Brenda found quaint and charming. Although it was an inland highway that did not offer a view of the ocean, it was more direct and provided only limited access to traffic. What was important, he maintained, was not the view of the terrain through which they traveled but getting to their destination by the most direct and quickest route. Tom also insisted upon doing what he wanted to do. He decided where he and Brenda would eat, what movies they would see, whether and where they would go dancing, and how many friends--and which ones--to invite to the occasional parties he wanted to have. He might appear to listen to her suggestions, but, when the time came to plan their outings or gatherings, he always saw to it that they did things his way. Tom was obstinate about his opinions as well. Others had a right to their views, he admitted, but so did he, and he refused to change his mind about the issues of the day. Whether the topic was relatively unimportant, such as which football team was likeliest to win the Super Bowl or whether to have peanuts, popcorn, pretzels, or all three snack items during the Super Bowl party he hosted every year, or the issue was more significant, such as whether a political candidate's views were racist, sexist, or unbiased or a job possibility offered benefits and other incentives beyond the wage or salary it paid to make it worth his--or Brenda's--while, he always maintained that his judgments were sound and need not be changed.
Finally, tired of Tom's stubbornness, Brenda broke up with him. She had told him on many previous occasions how annoying she found his obstinacy concerning all matters great and small. She had tried to get him to be more open to her suggestions. She had proposed that they compromise. They could travel part of the way from San Diego to Los Angeles on the Coastal Highway and the rest of the way on Interstate 5. He had refused. She had suggested that they each make a list of places that they enjoyed frequenting and of friends whom they liked to invite to their parties, alternating between destinations and each inviting those friends on their respective lists to attend their parties. Again, he had declined. She had invited him to attend lectures on the political topics that various candidates held, so that he could hear both sides of issues and make up his mind as to where he stood on the basis of more complete information. He had rejected her offers. She had suggested that he should decide which jobs he wanted to seek and let her find the ones that appealed to her, but, once more, Tom had demurred. When it became obvious to Brenda that Tom would never change his stubborn ways, she had broken off their relationship.
Although he was a stubborn man, Tom cared for Brenda, and her ending of their relationship affected him enough for him to become more flexible. He does not assume that he knows what is best for everyone else, and he is more willing to listen and to compromise. He has adopted Brenda's suggestions, and he works hard at being more open-minded, more flexible, and more tolerant of other people and their views. Others find that it is easier for them to get along with him, and, although Tom is not exactly what one might call easygoing, he is nevertheless more cooperative, accommodating, and forbearing. He considers other people's interests, desires, and needs, and he no longer thinks that everything must go his way or that everyone should think and feel as he does. He has demonstrated considerable growth since Brenda broke up with him.
Tom's newfound flexibility may have come too late to save his relationship with Brenda, but their separation, although painful, has helped him to understand that obduracy is a severe handicap to human affairs, whether one's dealings with others are intimate and personal or formal and impersonal. As a result, he has become more adaptable in his dealings with others, and his behavior is no longer annoying. Brenda did him a favor by breaking up with Tom, because he had to confront an unpleasant truth about himself. As a result, he discovered how truly stubborn he had been, and his conduct toward others has become much more open and engaging. Brenda has noticed the change in his behavior, and there is a good chance, she has confided in her best friend, Sally Johnson, of her dating the new-and-improved, much-less-stubborn Tom. Good results can come from needed changes in one's behavior.
My essay:
There is never an easy way for people to accept the difference between their actions and motives, or to acknowledge themselves the natural-born defects of humanity. Human's eyes rarely function to display images as a mirror would reflect, nor analyze its contacts into deeper details as a microscope. Human usually find ethics and morals upon previous teaching experiences, and by their own set up scale, which typically controlled by their individual, self-interest brains. Additionally, there is also no obvious physical boundary between intentional and involuntary actions, because people often support themselves wisely for their misconducted behaviors and performances. Everyone wants to be superior to others, and only a few are opened to other's opinions. Today's physical materials, such as money, gold, diamond, and powerful, high-status positions in this complex metamorphic society incomprehensibly affect one's awareness and motives. Gia Nguyen, the youngest member of a wealthy family in Vietnam, had lived in a selfish, arrogant, and conscienceless manner until the death of his parents and the corruption of family's business, which devastated him and led to his becoming friendlier and more accessible.
Gia had never cared about others, in either a physical or a spiritual sense, and his parents were no exception. Although Gia's parents were both economically successful, but they suffered painfully. Both had high blood pressure and diabetes; therefore, they had to visit the hospital occasionally. Gia, despite this fact, never bothered to ask anything about his parents' health. Many of his relatives had advised him to quit being too apathetic, but he persisted in his opinion that: the rich are always able to acquire products of medical technologies before anyone else, which helps them to overcome the ravages of illness. Gia had much more leisure time than other boys, but he always rejected offers to participate in community organizations, such as Youth Social Club, and Summer Ride, since, most of the members did not meet his requirements for friendship. Community services were meaningless to him, because he assumed that someone else would take care of such business. Gia was also selfish. He always tried to eliminate any opponents who impeded his getting girls' attention. On one occasion, three friends and he decided to head to a basketball game, and, of course, Gia agreed to pay all the costs. He was also the one who arrived earliest on that day, and soon, he noticed a blonde, tall, skinny girl who had gotten stuck at the entrance gate because the tickets were sold out. Instantly, he gladly approached her and offered a free ticket from his pocket. The girl accepted his invitation after a minute of contemplation, and he called his friends to cancel their outing. Although Gia might use fifty thousand dollars on a new car every six months or spend a thousand for each meal he enjoyed, he never gave out a cent to beggars on the sidewalk, nor was he concerned about any letters from charity organizations. Again, such activities did not seem to benefit him in any positive way; hence, he neglected them.
Finally, two consecutive disasters shook at Gia's family. Two months before Gia's 16th birthday, when he was enjoying the fresh air of the beach, and the passionate melody of the wave in Vung Tau city, a nicely dressed woman, with a friendly smile, came to him and said: "I am so sorry sir, but your credit card is not working ". This never happened to him before; he tried the rest of his cards, but none of them solved the problem. He then immediately called his father's secretary, Jenny, and a hopeless voice of the new unemployed, on the other side of the phone, resounded:" The Company is bankrupted". His feet froze under the warmest sand layers of the summer; his sweaty palm clung to the phone, up to his ear, and his arrogant eyes were gloomy and motionless. Nevertheless, Gia was furious instead of having any sympathetic sensation for the massive losses of his parents. He drove home the next day to figure out what was going on. For the first time in his life, Gia had to, manually, open the gate to get into his palace. "It was Mr. Doorkeeper's job", he grunted. On his path to the chamber, the gardeners disappeared; the waterfall stopped rocking, and the high beam lamp-posts had gotten a rest. He used his cellphone as a flashlight to light up to his room, twisted the door, and started to feel "the end of the world". When Gia began to calm himself, a sudden ringtone grasped his attention. "Hello, this is Gia", he spoke feebly. He did not recognize his uncle's voice, until his uncle repeated: "your parents' car has crashed against the mountain, and they did not make it". No one was able to see him for the next two days, until his presence at the funeral.
The tragedy had wakened Gia up from indifference to others. He had moved to America to live with his uncle, and began a new journey. He is now a Biochemistry student at University of Nevada Las Vegas, a member of UNLV Chess Club, and a part-time worker at a local grocery store. Although Gia is now busy with his life, and he has to use the buses for most of his transportations, he is enjoying his frugal, relaxed, and "common" life. His friends have found him as very easy to approach. He now knows how to pick up trash when he was walking down to the street, how to assist elderly, how to deal with "common" people, and to fit naturally into his new world. Gia also participates in many other school and community activities, and starts to think about others before he says or does something. His changes might not be significant or seem to be meaningless to some people, but; indeed, he has done the toughest task in the universe.
Although Gia needs almost 17 years to realize the mistakes, it was nothing compared to his bright future. His correction has been recognized by anyone who has interacted with him in the past 2 years. A more affable, emotional, and amendable Gia has stood up from the ashes. As a result of self-image, he understands how arrogant, selfish, and conscienceless he had been. He has also noticed that his life has become much easier, relaxed, and peaceful. No one will be left behind, because adversities always come before successes.
And this is my friend's :
It is difficult to see oneself as others do. Men and women tend to rationalize their behavior, providing excuses as to why they did or did not perform some action. They often give themselves the benefit of the doubt when they suspect that they may have acted in their own, rather than in another person's, best interests. They sometimes believe that they act according to motives other than the true ones which inspire their behavior. Such individuals are sometimes dishonest, about both their intentions and their conduct, but, other times, they may simply be mistaken--no one knows him- or herself completely; everyone is capable, at times, of surprising him- or herself. Likewise, people may lack the knowledge or the experience that they need to make objective, realistic, and accurate evaluations of their actions or those of the others with whom they interact. However, some people are simply more selfish than others and do whatever as they please, whenever they like. A few are unaware that their actions do not match their inclinations. Occasionally, someone acts as he or she does simply because he or she has no reason or, more commonly, no incentive, to change his or her behavior, even though it may be offensive or annoying to another person. Tom Smith is such an individual. He changed only when his obnoxious behavior became as painful to him as it was to his someone about whom he cared. Once, Tom was stubborn, but after he lost a girlfriend because of his inflexible behavior, he became more open-minded.
Tom always insisted upon having his own way. When his girlfriend, Brenda Lewis, suggested that they drive up the Coastal Highway, from San Diego, so that they could enjoy the ocean scenery, as they passed through the beach cities on their way to Los Angeles, Tom wouldn't hear of it. He said that he was the driver, not her, and that, as the driver, he would decide which route they drove. They'd made the same trip many times, and he always drove the same route, he told her, for a reason: going by Interstate 5 was quicker than traveling by the Coastal Highway, because the interstate bypassed the very beach cities that Brenda found quaint and charming. Although it was an inland highway that did not offer a view of the ocean, it was more direct and provided only limited access to traffic. What was important, he maintained, was not the view of the terrain through which they traveled but getting to their destination by the most direct and quickest route. Tom also insisted upon doing what he wanted to do. He decided where he and Brenda would eat, what movies they would see, whether and where they would go dancing, and how many friends--and which ones--to invite to the occasional parties he wanted to have. He might appear to listen to her suggestions, but, when the time came to plan their outings or gatherings, he always saw to it that they did things his way. Tom was obstinate about his opinions as well. Others had a right to their views, he admitted, but so did he, and he refused to change his mind about the issues of the day. Whether the topic was relatively unimportant, such as which football team was likeliest to win the Super Bowl or whether to have peanuts, popcorn, pretzels, or all three snack items during the Super Bowl party he hosted every year, or the issue was more significant, such as whether a political candidate's views were racist, sexist, or unbiased or a job possibility offered benefits and other incentives beyond the wage or salary it paid to make it worth his--or Brenda's--while, he always maintained that his judgments were sound and need not be changed.
Finally, tired of Tom's stubbornness, Brenda broke up with him. She had told him on many previous occasions how annoying she found his obstinacy concerning all matters great and small. She had tried to get him to be more open to her suggestions. She had proposed that they compromise. They could travel part of the way from San Diego to Los Angeles on the Coastal Highway and the rest of the way on Interstate 5. He had refused. She had suggested that they each make a list of places that they enjoyed frequenting and of friends whom they liked to invite to their parties, alternating between destinations and each inviting those friends on their respective lists to attend their parties. Again, he had declined. She had invited him to attend lectures on the political topics that various candidates held, so that he could hear both sides of issues and make up his mind as to where he stood on the basis of more complete information. He had rejected her offers. She had suggested that he should decide which jobs he wanted to seek and let her find the ones that appealed to her, but, once more, Tom had demurred. When it became obvious to Brenda that Tom would never change his stubborn ways, she had broken off their relationship.
Although he was a stubborn man, Tom cared for Brenda, and her ending of their relationship affected him enough for him to become more flexible. He does not assume that he knows what is best for everyone else, and he is more willing to listen and to compromise. He has adopted Brenda's suggestions, and he works hard at being more open-minded, more flexible, and more tolerant of other people and their views. Others find that it is easier for them to get along with him, and, although Tom is not exactly what one might call easygoing, he is nevertheless more cooperative, accommodating, and forbearing. He considers other people's interests, desires, and needs, and he no longer thinks that everything must go his way or that everyone should think and feel as he does. He has demonstrated considerable growth since Brenda broke up with him.
Tom's newfound flexibility may have come too late to save his relationship with Brenda, but their separation, although painful, has helped him to understand that obduracy is a severe handicap to human affairs, whether one's dealings with others are intimate and personal or formal and impersonal. As a result, he has become more adaptable in his dealings with others, and his behavior is no longer annoying. Brenda did him a favor by breaking up with Tom, because he had to confront an unpleasant truth about himself. As a result, he discovered how truly stubborn he had been, and his conduct toward others has become much more open and engaging. Brenda has noticed the change in his behavior, and there is a good chance, she has confided in her best friend, Sally Johnson, of her dating the new-and-improved, much-less-stubborn Tom. Good results can come from needed changes in one's behavior.