Hi! I will apply for GKS-U this year. I really welcome criticism and suggestions from everyone. Please help to correct this. Thanks in advance.
I have always been a resilient and determined person. I was born in a small town called Águas Lindas de Goiás in Brazil. My family always fought for me to have a good education. I can see how the power of education can certainly change a person. In Brazil, public schools do not have good quality education and are much inferior compared to private schools. My mother could not afford to put me in a private school where the education is better. So my grandmother and aunt worked hard and managed to pay for a private school for me for a few years. However, I had to study at a public school during my last year of high school. I can see the difference in education between these two realities. I am very grateful for my family, and that is why I do everything I can to make them feel rewarded for their hard work. I have always wanted to help people around me, and I have been doing small volunteer work at church, such as helping to distribute food to children and participating in church activities such as singing and dancing. This has greatly shaped the type of person I am today. Since I was little, I have always done my best in everything I set out to do.
When I was 13, I discovered South Korea and my admiration for the country began. In high school, I found out about the GKS scholarship. Since then, I have been studying about the scholarship and how to go to South Korea. The only way for me to go to Korea would be through GKS, because I don't have the financial means to go on my own. It has always been my dream to graduate in South Korea because it has better quality education and good teachers. I am a person who likes to help others and who believes that a good education and good knowledge can save lives. I strongly believe that with the opportunity to study psychology in South Korea, I can use my acquired knowledge to help people from South Korea, Brazil, and also people from other countries that are within my reach. I believe that I can create an interesting and captivating relationship between the two countries by promoting and talking about mental health in Korea and Brazil. That is why I study in South Korea through South Korea. It would be a unique opportunity
I entered a university in Brazil with a scholarship from a program called OVG, which is a program offered to students who cannot afford to pay for college. I am a 100% OVG scholarship holder, where my tuition is paid by the government of Goiás, the state where I currently live. This opportunity opened doors to knowledge for me and made me prove once again that even if I do not have the means, I can achieve the best I can with my studies. The reason why, even though I am studying in college here in Brazil, I am applying for an undergraduate degree is because I know that Keimyung University has a higher quality of education than my current university, and I believe that it will be very worthwhile and it will be a great honor if I could do my undergraduate degree at a university that I admire and that I believe will allow me to absorb more knowledge. Keimyung University offers students a good quality of education, with qualified teachers and a campus that is suitable for local and international students.
What sets me apart from others is my way of seeing the world and also my story. We all have a different story. Since I was 15, I've worked as a receptionist. Even though my family struggled to pay for my school, I also had to work to help my mother, because she took care of me and my siblings alone and couldn't afford to pay for school for me. That's why my aunt and grandmother did it. So I still had great responsibilities from an early age and I did my best to study and work. For that reason, I believe I deserve this scholarship to have the chance to go to South Korea, a place I've always admired, and study as much as I can with determination, which is what I've always done until now.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15169 
4859 There is no need for you to highlight your financial difficulties in terms of achieving a good quality of education in this essay. All of the candidates are assessed based on a uniform requirement consideration. You should be highlighting your academic interests in the essay. Why Psychology? It is not very well developed in the discussion. Why Korea? that aspect of the discussion sounds like you are mistaking the scholarship for a Korean tour group. I strongly suggest that you look into the university accomplishments in the world of psychology and use those in the essay discussion in relation to your interest in Korea. Right now, that particular section is very shallow and not very impressive.
The fact that you are a scholar in your country works in your favor as an applicant. However, the rest of the essay is weak in terms of establishing your interest in Psychology. You need to use the personal statement to ensure that you fully explain the relevance of your interest in the course with your experiences and also, show what sort of pre study preparation you have been doing up to now. Do not confuse that with the study plan though, which is meant for language training rather than subject preparation.
Personally I feel stating your scholarship with the Brazil government is irrelevant, not so irrelevant but the way you highlighted and said the reason you want to leave and study in Korea is because the university has more quality. Put the NIIED in the situation of the Brazil government, they are investing in you not for you to school while looking for a better opportunity, they wanted you to school in Brazil and contribute there.
Through your essays I couldn't get the real motivation for applying to the program, I had to check again if it was a personal statement for GKS.
In high school, I found out about the GKS scholarship. Since then, I have been studying about the scholarship and how to go to South Korea.
This statement doesn't make sense.
You have no specific reason for wanting to go Korea or applying for GKS.
I will advise you to carefully observe the prompt given, and try answering those prompts one by one. And make a story line.
And don't feel entitled but humbled. Avoid saying you deserve the scholarship.
