Global Issues - ACADEMIC OBJECTIVES AND INDICATE HOW THESE ARE APPROPRIATE TO YOUR LONG-RANGE GOALS.

The Bachelor's Degree of International Relations

Please include specifically how a Bachelor's degree from the University will contribute to your achieving your longer-range goals. (100 word maximum)

As a person engaged in global issues, my academic objectives lay upon understanding and learning about historical conflicts, international policies and its consequences. Furthermore, my long-range goals have not changed ever since I started volunteering and saw the situation that minorities were put through in Brazil. Therefore, the University of Toronto will mold me into becoming a successful diplomat or active leader in a global development organization to assist me in solving these issues. The Bachelor's Degree of International Relations offered by the University has four world-class faculties that will give me the education needed to achieve my future goals.

Is it good or does it need some changing?

It is good but needs changing. The first half where you indicated an unchanging academic goal may be used without changes. However, the part about how the university can help you achieve the long range goals does not help the statement.

The response does not explain how the university can help you beyond commonly known information. This signifies a lack of program familiarity on your part. The reviewer will be looking for evidence that you actually did your research about the university and that you had real academic considerations that led you to opt for this university. He will not accept cookie cutter responses as provided in this statement.

Prove that you are familiar with the course offerings and possible training programs that accompany the learning process the university offers. Convince the reviewer that you did your homework and chose the university based on academic goals rather than university publicity.

In this answer, I do not find your ambition in this academic. So, I suggest you say more about how that Bachelor's degree could help you aim for your long-term goal, specifically as it's the base for further education; it should be written based on the description of the bachelor. Besides, it would help if you also answered the difference between your contribution and others to convince them to give you the scholarship.

Try to be a little more genuine. Although it is very well written, I think you do not need to write in such a systematized way, allow your connection to the course to be seen.