IELTS PRIZE personal statement
Describe in no more than 500 words your reasons for applying for the course and in what ways you expect your study experience to make a difference to your life and those around you.
Strong answers will have the following characteristics:
Answers all parts of the question
Presents thought-provoking points of view
English language proficiency to a level where undue strain is not placed on the reader
My personal statement is as below, please give me some comments, thanks.
My goal is to become an e-business transformation consultant. My home, Taiwan, being famous for OEM and ODM, has enjoyed the economic growth brought by the manufacturing industry and is struggling to further improve the efficiency and build strong brands that add more values to Taiwanese businesses. I believe the successful e-business transformation is critical to the goals by optimizing work process and providing more customer data for decision makers. After helping my current employer to transform, I confirmed my goal, and decided to join MSc e-business management program at the University of Warwick to prepare myself.
I have practically carried out an e-business plan for my employer, a camera ODM company that had a purchased ERP and self-developed E-CRM and E-RMA systems. As an inside sales, I found that the systems were too simple that many processes still remained manual and lacked integration. After proposing the transformation, I was appointed to be in charge of this project. I first summarized the problems, such as manual processes of invoice and receipt generating, account entry entering, and write-off. Then, I conducted interviews to draft the whole work process of the company and designed a digitalized process that integrated the three systems. I also had many meetings with IT department to discuss how to add new modules to the systems accordingly and make the plan more viable. In six months, I successfully finished the project, and many modules are available, saving a lot of man-hours and preventing many manual mistakes. Because of this experience, I realize the importance of e-business transformation and learned that I still need to solidify my knowledge of e-business. Therefore, I decided to resign and devote to further study.
There are mainly two reasons why I choose to study at the University of Warwick. Firstly, e-business management program of Warwick fully combines management with technology. Different from information system management, this program focuses on utilizing technology to enrich business value. Since it is impossible to achieve my goal without technical background, I found the program is perfect for me to learn technology skills and strengthen business insights. Secondly, Warwick devotes much attention to collaborating with global industry, which I believe is essential when learning a constantly developing subject like e-business. For example, some of the teaching staffs are from world famous companies, from whom I can learn the strategies and skills to resolve real-world problems; the free workshops and industrial visits organized by Warwick can help me keep up with the current trend and absorb useful knowledge from different companies.
Upon successful completion of this program, I will return to Taiwan, work in a consulting company to observe local industries closely as they develop, and develop suitable e-business transformation plan for Taiwanese companies. My ultimate goal is to integrate my skills in all fields to serve as an e-business transformation consultant. I want to help Taiwanese companies, especially OEM and ODM companies, to achieve upgrading and transformation of labor-intensive manufacturing by e-business transformation.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 11,594 3760
Chen, your second paragraph is out of place. It doesn't really help to explain why you decided to apply for the course. Rather, it shows the skills that you developed while working in the field, which is not information required by the prompt. You should remove the second paragraph because of that reason. The remaining 3 paragraphs actually better respond to the prompt without the second paragraph included. Remember, just because the word limit is 500, that doesn't mean that you have to turn in a 500 word exactly essay, you can do very well with a 250 - 400 word presentation as well. It is not the word count requirement that is important. The information that is relevant to the prompt should be focused upon in the essay. As long as you write over 250 words, your essay will be acceptable and informative to the reviewer. Don't use word fillers because that is how you end up presenting irrelevant information.
I think the work experience is important because it made me confirmed my goal, but maybe I shouldn't describe too much about it. I deleted some content of the second paragraph and describe more on the difficulties my country encountered, please give me some advice, thanks.
My goal is to become an e-business transformation consultant. My home, Taiwan, is famous for OEM and ODM, had enjoyed the economic growth brought by the manufacturing industry. However, due to the challenge of low human costs of developing countries and lack of strong brands, Taiwanese businesses are facing profit decreasing and is struggling to upgrade and improve efficiency that add more values. I believe the successful e-business ...
I have practically carried out an e-business plan for my employer, a surveillance camera ODM company. As an inside sales, I found the ERP and E-CRM systems were too simple that (...) to be in charge of this project. I summarized the problems and the whole work process, designed an integrated digitalized process, and had many meetings with IT department to add new modules to the systems accordingly. In six months, I successfully... Because of this experience, I realized the importance of e-business transformation to traditional companies and wanted to solidify my knowledge of e-business to be more professional on e-business transformation. Therefore, I decided...