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I have graduated a Bachelor of Science in geology - INTERNATIONAL MASTER'S SCHOLARSHIP application

ChristopherS 1 / 2  
Feb 8, 2016   #1
Dear Selection Committee of the University XXXX,
With this letter, I, full name, citizen from (Country )would like to submit you my application for obtaining the XXXX International Master's scholarship for the XXX-XXXX academic year.

I have been interested in geology since I realized the exceptional mineral resources my country, recognized as geological scandal, is endowed with and figure out how I can help my country overcome challenges related to mineral resources.such goal can't be accomplished at the Bachelor of Science in geology, the degree I hold from the University of Lubumbashi but it requires to have an expertise in a specific field of geology I am aspired to; Hence, attaining a master's and a PhD degrees in areas connected to economic geology could best respond to my aim and the current lack of such expertise my country is facing.Therefore,by completing the master's study the Université Paris-Saclay is offering through its scholarship, i plan working in different areas such as lecturing in universities as experts in Geology are rare in my country, delivering expertise services to DRCongo's officials as well as to international organizations implemented in DRCongo aiming at providing transparency and accountability in mining activities to fill the gap that often exists between huge profit generated by Mining activities and impoverished congolese communities. Ideally, I hope to help my country by generating profit in mining sector which is the main driver of the economy of the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

My education goals are to complete a Master of Science in Geology (especially in topics related to economic geology) and then to continue toward a Ph.D.To improve my knowledge and get a practical experience, I spent two years at Rubamines Sarl (an Exploration mining Company) as a junior exploration geologist where I was in charge of supervising the drilling and doing detail logging as well.Basically,I hold a bachelor of Science in geology in topics related to hydrogeology and geotechnics and performing an exploration job was not so easy to handle as I didn't get a prior good background knowledge in exploration and mining geology. I used to work hard by reading materials related to the position and I soon develop the appeal of wanting to know the new area of geology I discovered in my job. There started my commitment to deepen my knowledge in exploration and mining geology with a stress in economic geology and this vision can be easily accomplished through an academic career I would like to embrace. My passion to mineral resources is regarded as a natural calling that I am destined to follow. This intuitive notion solidified and propelled when I have been awarded a research fellowship program that I am still undertaking in modelling of mineral deposits for 6 months (from October 2015 to March 2016) at AGH University of Science and Technology (in Krakow, Poland).Such a unique opportunity, in a top-ranked Polish university in mining research is shaping me more and more in academic career by improving my geological knowledge and understanding which will be the underpinning of my future studies.

Many times ago, exploration tenements covering the study area were awarded to mining companies short of equipments to conduct serious exploration programs; Moreover, any prior program aiming at knowing resources and reserves of the area hasn't been conducted by the government agencies of research, universities or any other independent research. Hence, all exploration permits have been mismanaged and sold off to the disadvantage of the country and its population as disparaged by international organizations. This fact is easily supported by the late discovery of the Kamoa deposit (in the Congolese Copperbelt) recognized ,so far ,as the world's largest high-grade copper discovery in which the government owns only 20 % of interest compared to 80% of Zijin Mining group and Kamoa holding limited joint venture. To tackle the said issue, the DRCongo government has taken measures to possess prior knowledge of mineral resources and reserves of tenements before awarding them to mining investors. There lies the struggle for geological information obtained through different sources: DRCongo's government research agencies, research conducted by universities and independent researchers as well.

Through this scholarship, as an independent researcher, I plan to conduct my research in the poorly known metallogenic province of Manono Kitotolo (in the Tanganyika province) in different geological aspects under the mentorship of the professor of the Université Paris-Saclay in collaboration with the local professor of the University of Lubumbashi. Petrographical, mineralogical, geochemical, petrological studies and the metallogenesis constraints will be the main topics of my master's thesis applied to the world's class Sn, Nb-Ta and Li mineralization of Manono Kitotolo. Not only will the project lead to master's thesis but also in completing my PhD with a view of delivering geological knowledge of one of the valuable deposits of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. In this perspective, the Université Paris Saclay Master's scholarship is the only path to further my research project by delivering its research facilities (laboratories, academic researchers...).To attain my objective, in the aim of pushing forwards my studies and research, expenses concerning my geological fieldtrip will be partly covered by myself at 70%.

The number of qualified lecturers is declining in my country (DRCongo) and the existing teaching force in public institutions is stretched across the large number of private institutions. This is because there are few students joining master's program and doctorate's program as well. Accordingly, the master's scholarship the Université Paris-Saclay will award me will be for great value to my country especially in the field of geology as the mining sector is the cornerstone of the DRCongo's economy. Furthermore, the master's degree will not only provide me with more specific knowledge and research opportunities, but it will serve my country as a foundation for an academic career in the field of geology.

I grew up in a poor family in the conflict-stricken eastern part of the DRCongo, what motivates me to help to improve the situation. My commitment to study helped me to obtain sponsors to cover my scholarly fees until my graduation. Due to difficulties I experienced since my childhood, my parents played important role as they deeply instilled in me the lesson that education is vital and is all to succeed in life.Hence,studies have been taken seriously since I was kid and permitted me to receive financial resources from gracious people from my primary to my secondary studies. My university studies were not easy to pursue because I didn't have enough financial aid and this difficult situation shaped me to develop personal skills by doing part time job to finance the rest of my studies' fees cost. As I am that kind of person very active, always trying to find something constructive to do for earning money and therefore supporting expenses connected to my studies other than fully begging, through the help of the scholarship, I can look for a part time job to help bear the cost for my future fieldtrip, and other imponderable facts!

In essence, the excellent education and therefore knowledge I will receive at the Université Paris-Saclay will then be applied to my home country in the academic and mining sectors which are by far the Congolese essential pillars. In addition, our expertise will be valuable to international NGOs involved in mining sectors as they help the mining government policy to be more effective by impacting the social life of the population.

vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 8, 2016   #2
Christopher, this is just a scholarship essay application. It is not a government document that you need to attest to. Therefore, you do not need to have that sworn statement type of introduction in this essay. Just write it as an ordinary essay. It doesn't even have to be in a letter format. Just have a discussion with the scholarship committee in an academic tone. You don't need to use a testimonial format, nor a letter format. The commonly used essay format will do.

After carefully reading your essay, I am of the opinion that this will not make any impression on the reviewer because of the lack of remarkable information in it. The statements that you made sound just like any other poorly developed scholarship statement. If you want to win this scholarship, you need to let the committee know that you are different from the other applicants. Highlight your academic strengths. Mention any awards and accolades that you have received which will indicate that you have the potential to become an even greater participant in this professional world of your choice.

Discuss your future plans for yourself and your career. Let them know how, through this scholarship, you will get the chance to further pursue a certain interest in this field. Make them understand how without this scholarship, you will be unable to proceed with your studies. At that point, you should make mention of any finances that you have which you can push towards your studies. For example, your parents will be willing to shoulder X amount and you can add X amount of your personal money towards achieving your academic goals. You should present that information in case the committee feels that your credentials are only worth a partial instead of a full scholarship.
OP ChristopherS 1 / 2  
Feb 8, 2016   #3
Thanks so much for your comments dear vangiespen.I really appreciate it!
Besides are there any grammatical corrections to make or...
Thanks so much to everyone willing to help me!
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 8, 2016   #4
Hi Christopher, I was happy to help. Yes, there are grammatical problems that exist in your paper. However, I did not attempt to correct those because I am currently advising you to change some content and delete some parts of your existing essay. It would just be a waste of time to edit your essay in its rough draft. You will have to add information anyway and I will have to edit it again and then you will have to put the editing into place.

That is why I always leave the final grammar editing for the last minute. Once the content of the essay is correct, the ideas have been polished and the final format is in place, I will definitely help you make the necessary grammar corrections to your essay. Right now, we should concentrate on the more immediate problems of the essay. Trust me, by the time we are done working on your essay, you won't even realize that you have corrected the grammar problems and that the essay will be ready to submit already :-)
OP ChristopherS 1 / 2  
Feb 9, 2016   #5
Thank you very much..I am working on it and will display my ideas sooner.
But i have one question:As far as i know myself and my family it will be difficult to finance my studies and to add a such finance aspect which is not real won't be a problem later?or i can add something as once being there i will look for a job to help my studies go forward or just drop that aspect..

Thank you so much dear Vangiespen
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 9, 2016   #6
Then discuss that aspect. Explain why you need the scholarship aside from how the scholarship can help you. You mentioned in the original essay that "My commitment to study helped me to obtain sponsors to cover my scholarly fees until my graduation. . " Go a step further and explain why they should take a chance on you as a scholar this time around. Do you remember how you were asked to write a statement of purpose for your masters application? Do something similar in this essay. Talk about your dreams and aspirations for your future, or the future of the field that you are involved in.

Scholarships are sometimes won based upon the vision of a student. When I asked you to discuss your ability to pay your tuition, that was optional. It was not mandatory. If you cannot afford to pay any fees at all then say so. However, make sure that you follow that up with viable reasons for them to support you because of your vision for the future.

You can always discuss looking for a job when you get into the MS studies through the help of the scholarship. In fact, I would recommend it because it shows a go-getter attitude. The scholarship committee appreciates the passion, drive, and ambition of the students. If you can prove that you will do what it takes to stay in school, you just might set yourself apart from the other applicants.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 12, 2016   #7
Christopher, please refrain from using exclamation points in your essay. That is considered impolite in the academic world and shows a lack of respect for the reader. It connotes shouting, which something that you do not want to do to the scholarship reviewer. Please omit that the exclamation point so that you can come across as more respectful towards the reader.

Now, as for the information you have placed, you have managed to shed light on the reasons why this scholarship is important to you. However, it seems to be too wordy at this point because you even recap your undergraduate studies. I suggest that you instead summarize that point, as I am sure that you will be submitting documents to prove your grades and other important details. Just focus the essay on the importance of the essay and why you feel you should qualify for it among other things. By the way, the line about your parents telling you about the importance of education comes across as "trying hard" so just skip the mention of that. The essay will be stronger if you do so.

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