I was graduated from University of Indonesia majoring Occupational Health and Safety

STUDYING IN THE UK QUESTION
Outline why you have selected your chosen three university courses, and explain how this relates to your previous academic or professional experience and your plans for the future.

I was graduated from University of Indonesia majoring Occupational Health and Safety. This major was attracted me since my first semester. I eventually chose this major among other choices and managed to finish my bachelor a semester earlier than it should be. As I am involved as a practitioner in the industry, to be specific as HES Specialist for Managing Safe Work Processes (MSW) and HSE officer at oil and gas companies, I found that this area is challenging me more as I complete vary of tasks assigned. Through those roles, I found a broad way to be helpful for society especially for my company employees and business partner employees as well. I desire to learn more about this topic.

UK has it's reputation in the field of Occupational Health and Safety. There will be a great opportunity to learn from UK and develop my country in the future. The three courses that I have desired to study UK mention below:

I am interested to study in Process Safety and Loss Prevention at University of Sheffield because this course is one of few Process Safety courses offered in UK which will enrich my knowledge with the art of preventing major accident such as fire, explosion or chemical release of a process such as refinery, oil and gas production installation or other plant installation. The course will provide me knowledge about both theoretical and practical side in understanding and managing risk through the tools and processes which used to identify, assess and manage risk, taking factors such as process operations and human factors into account.

My second choice is University of Birmingham majoring in Science of Occupational Health, Safety and Environment. This course focus on personal safety which give me ability to identify hazards, evaluate risks, and suggest control measures in a range of situations. The knowledge gain from various learning methods of the course such as formal lectures; group work; case studies; practical simulations; industrial/commercial visits; and student centred learning , will develop my skill to achieve zero incident, zero occupational disease and zero environmental damage at the workplace for beneficial development of Occupational Health and Safety in my country.

The course of Human Factor and Ergonomic at University of Nottingham which aim to equip knowledge and skills required to design products, jobs/tasks and environments from the human perspective fascinate me. The course intend to encounter major reliability failures, accidents, labour relations problems and unsuccessful introductions of products and technology. Learning about a range of human characteristics (physical, cognitive, social and emotional) which relate to human interactions with jobs, environments, products, services and other people, will provide me the necessary knowledge and skills to address human factors issues which is increasingly desirable in industry.

@debby17
Some help for you

UK has its reputation in the ...
This course focuses on personal safety which gives me ability to ...
The course intends to encounter ...
... issues which are increasingly desirable in the industry.

Debby, while you have presented the reasons why you wish to study the course, you need to justify the relevance of the course to your current professional or academic achievements. In other words, how will the course help you in the completion of your work tasks? Each course that you chose has a specific concentration when it comes to its application of your job, give an example of why you believe that you should be knowledgeable about this course. For example, you can cite any shortcomings in the OSH program of your country in relation to the major. This will give an idea as to how you will use the course in the future. Don't worry, it won't overlap with the post study career plan. You also need to develop a proper conclusion for the essay. For that part, you can mention some of the obvious connections between OSH in the UK and your country. You already said that the UK has a solid reputation in this field, so look for the OSH projects they are promoting in your country and mention how your higher education can help promote their programs while also helping your country develop a safer work environment.

Merged:

Why are you interested in applying for Science of Occupational Health, Safety and the Environment?

This is my motivation letter to apply for university course. The prompt question is Why are you interested in applying for Science of Occupational Health, Safety and the Environment MSc ?

Make sure your personal statement is relevant to the course(s) you have applied for, and that at least 75% of it is related to what you want to study, and why you want to study that subject.The remaining 25% of your statement should be about your other achievements. We do not want to see a list of everything you have done at school but are interested to see if you have taken full advantage of the chances that have been available to you

I was graduated from University of Indonesia majoring Occupational Health and Safety. I have been working in the field of Occupational Health and Safety for more than 2 years. Through this field, I discover something more valuable in life through the worker I work with. I feel useful and impactful for them as they got a prize from their supervior because of my previous suggesstion or they express their gratitide toward me they teach their family to implement safety campaign that I told them in their daily life. For Instance, he encourage his elder son to always use helmet when ride his motorcycle, he also taught his wife about kitchen safety, he turned off his car engine when he filled for petrol and he did not want to drive his car before everyone in the car use their seatbelt.

During my previous university education, I developed myself in both academic and non-academic. From academic side, I successfully finished my study a semester earlier than it should be with a good grade. On the other hand for non-academic side, I joined Occupational Health and Safety Community (OHSC), a student community of my major. I successfully conducted Occupationa Health and Safety National seminar as event coordinator and university base seminar as a project officer. Addionally, I am also a member of an outdoor skill organization called MAPALA UI which gives me opportunity to be experience mountaineering, caving, rafting and climbing. Recently, my friend and I co-founded a community which inspire countryside young generation about higher education and variety of jobs called Inspirasi Anak Nagari. We had conducted two programs which shared job experiences and higher education experiences to almost thousands elementary and high school students last July. We will launch a libarary and held a sholarship seminar by the end of this year.

My university background and work experience in the field of Occupational Health and Safety confirm my intention to develop my knowledge and skills in this area. I want to pursue a post graduate education on Science of Occupational Health, Safety and the Environment in University of Birmingham because this major has been accreditted by The Institution of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH), a proffesional body which set the framework of syllabus and monitor the programs. Additionally, the major have multidisciplinary courses which provides me ability to identify hazards, evaluate risks, and suggest control measures in a wide range of health, safety and/or environmental problems in a multi-disciplinary team. Moreover, this course use vary learning methods such as formal lectures; group work; case studies; practical simulations; industrial/commercial visits; and student centred learning which will be useful to develop my knowledge and skills in the science and practice of occupational health, safety and environmental.

In addition, I have determined my future goal to be an Occupational Health and Safety expert in my country to solve problems in vary industry workplaces. This is definetely would be area in which, I devote my attention on academic career and employement. This intention could be achieved if I am able to provide myself with excellent master degree education, in order to improve my knowledge significantly. Lastly, I want to have some contribution in academic development of Occupational Health and Safety by being a guest lecturer in some universities. To support this activities, I will use my theoretical sight, practitioner sight, and international collaboration gained from my study in University of Birmingham.

Debby, sorry to say that your motivation letter didn't answer the prompt given properly. The portion of your answer might be inappropriate. The prompt asks you clearly to explain the reason what and why do you want to study in the university (75%) and your other achievements (25%). Seems to me you just split them into a half portion. Your answer towards the first part of the prompt is explained in the third and fourth paragraph, which is quite late I guess. Then, you put your achievements in the first and second paragraph. This should be switched and the portion should be changed. For instance, it is better for you to answer directly the 75% part in the first, second, and third paragraph. Then, the 25% part can be placed in the fourth paragraph.

Additionally, your grammatical range and accuracy is also problematical. Try to use spell-checker to help you. Some of your words are still inaccurate. Your motivation letter is also inconsistent in choosing what kind of tenses that should be used. Try to focus on the time signal for each sentence if you want to use the accurate tense.

Debby, you need to write a personal statement that tells a story and portrays you as an applicant that is worth admitting. Like the previous contributor pointed out, the prompt question indicates what the reviewer looks out for in your essay. So you must answer the prompt question(s) directly.

You need to seriously work on your grammar and tenses. We can help to correct some of your errors here, but you must, in the first instance, do your part by drafting an essay that appropriately and specifically answers the prompt question.

And ensure you maintain the word limit, but if not indicated, your essay must not exceed one and a half page. You may want to research more on your intended course of study to establish aspects that interest you more than others.

Be sure that the example in your essay is convincing enough. Your examples in your current draft do not really go well in context of your prompt question.

Having said that, I suggest you get back to work.

Good luck.