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The growth of mathematics. KGSP 2017 self-introduction essay - I really want to show a good essay


tieraqi 1 / 1 1  
Mar 1, 2017   #1

recognised as a Mathematics Teacher



My name is Q and I was born in a middle class family of a small city called A in T. I come from a rural area in a state that still doesn't have much development. I spent my childhood with lot of fun outdoor and indoor activities, which most of them are natural friendly. I've been growing up with my parents and 6 other siblings until each of us live outside of home to further our study. I live in A for almost 18 years before travel far to B to begin my higher educations. That was how I start to learn independent skills more thoroughly. I've been doing well in adapting the different cultures in the urban area and managed to survive the critical economics crisis as a student.

Since I start my official education which is in kindergarten, I have accomplished quite handful of academic achievements in each stage. I've shown my interest in study by being the top student since then. In T, we have 3 main examinations before pursuing study in higher education and I managed to get excellent results for all three. With such quality, I was accepted into U for degree foundation study and V for my degree study. After 3 years studying Statistics in V , I am officially graduated in November 2016. Before finishing my study, I once hope that I could quickly get a job after graduated so that I could help my parents supplying financial needs to my two younger sisters. However, as times passed, I miss to be in lecture hall, studying with friends, and campus life even though those times are quite tough to survive without being emotionally affected. That is how I think that I'm ready to pursue my study to the next level and being the first in my family to achieve Master's Degree.

As a university student, I enjoyed to actively participate in organizing events and joined lot of mathematics camps conduct by V School of Mathematics lecturers as a facilitator. The team that is known as K has always gain success in aspiring high school students to love Mathematics, which they think the most killer subject to score in examinations. Other than extracurricular activities, my academic years in V also a memorable journey despite of all the up and down to survive each semester with more and more statistical theories and methods.

Before graduated, which is right after finishing my study, I acquired a work as substitute Mathematics teacher in one of top high school in my hometown. Although it was such a short period (3 months), I am happy to be able to help them in understanding critical topics right before their final exam. It was challenging yet a learning experience for me, too since that was my first time being the real teacher. As I mention earlier, I am familiar with 'teaching people' in Mathematics as facilitator but this is a different situation and environment. Somehow, I feel proud when I'm being recognized as 'Mathematics Teacher' for that short period.

Later that, I had questioned myself again, should I continue being a teacher or stay in my lane as data analyst. One of my respectful lecturers told me to further my study and be a lecturer instead of high school teacher. She said that, being a lecturer will exposed me to different kind of situation instead of the same school system. Agreed with her opinion, I've decide to apply for this program in Mathematics Education. Studying in Korea always is a wish that yet to be fulfilling since I start know Korea, more than 10 years ago. With the opportunities offered by Korean Government Scholarship Program, I wish that I could be accepted to be one of the scholar and learn the growth of mathematics education in Korea in Konkuk University where the department of Mathematics Education is one of most prestigious in Korea.

**I still didn't finish this very well since I'm short in page (only one page for this) .. help me to reduce my words and fix my grammar**

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,025 2715  
Mar 1, 2017   #2
Syaqila, the essay that you wrote requires content revision more than grammar correction or length editing. That is because the essay needs to deal with some essential aspects of the KGSP scholarship before you can actually even begin to call this a draft of your self introduction letter. For starters, The opening paragraph discusses your course of life but does not introduce your parents and your family background to the reviewer. The parents are an integral part of your course of life and must be represented in your essay, along with any other people who may have influenced your course of life and point of view about life. Your point of view about life, as it was developed by your life experiences and your parents influence is not clear in the essay either. The point of view is important because it shows the reviewer the kind of person that you are in terms of character traits.

As a masters degree student, the only educational requirement for presentation here relates to your college degree. That means that you must eliminate the reference to Kindergarten and the national tests that you took. Instead, discuss the development of your interest in your major and then introduce the college accomplishments that you had to accompany that. Transition the paragraph by explaining how you ended up becoming a tutor for 3 months. Then continue that discussion in a new paragraph.

Your professional career, though only 3 months is enough to be presented as a serious experience in this essay. What you have to do, in order to make it qualify is present an argument about the teaching of Math in your country that you felt was not good, needs to be changed, or that you hope to improve. That creates the motivating factor for your studies and could strongly lead into your interest to study the masters degree in Korea.

If you are applying via university track, you need to add more information about the reasons why you are interest in enrolling in Konkuk university. That paragraph is extremely short and does not well represent the reasons that you have for studying in Korea. You have known about Korea for 10 years now and yet you are not able to come up with some valid and convincing reasons for your possible studies in Korea. The reasons you have given are pretty much standard answers from all the applicants. It won't make your essay stand out. You need a reason that will catch the reviewers attention and make him consider you a possible serious contender for the scholarship.
OP tieraqi 1 / 1 1  
Mar 1, 2017   #3
@Holt
Hello Holt, thanks for such a great advice . I'm really appreciate it. to be honest, it's been a long time since I last write an essay. Your advices really could help me to improve my essay. I'll come up with a new writing and hope that you'll be able to comment on that too ! Thanks again !
nono15 3 / 13 2  
Mar 2, 2017   #4
@tieraqi
Hi Syaqila
I think your last paragraph could be separated.

..., I've decide to apply for this program in Mathematics Education ............................ (Continue with more clear motivation)........................

Studying in Korea always is a wish that yet to be fulfilling [...] department of Mathematics Education is one of most prestigious in Korea

................(Continue with Why it should be at Korea, i think you should add something more attracting or little bit exaggerating hahaha)................

You could read mine


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