Hello everyone at Essay Forum,
I hope this finds you all well. The following is an essay for a scholarship I found online. There is no word limit. I would like a second opinion on the essay before editing and cutting unnecessary items. I appreciate any help in advance.
The prompt:
Write an essay explaining how you've helped your community.
My love for learning begun inside Taller Infantil Quiroga, a small elementary school in Bogota, Colombia. I always carried that love with me, finishing my assignments before the rest of the students, often getting me in trouble for not having something to do. Until today, that desire to learn stayed deep within the walls of my heart. While taking Calculus I at Broward College in the spring of 2014, my passion for both math and learning ignited, where I wanted to help others succeed.
On our first day in class, I met Da and Andrea, both of whom sat beside me. Our friendship began when we received our first exam scores. Da, Andrea, and I received an F, D, and a C respectively. We wondered. What happened? Why were our scores so low? The week after, I implanted a small seed: I asked them if they wanted to study together after class. They agreed. For the rest of the semester we did just that. As a strategy, we planned to finish homework after class since the material was still fresh in our minds. When Da and Andrea did not understand a problem, I helped them right away. Because of my understanding of math, it came easy to mentor and tutor them. By the end of the semester, we gained a letter A in the class as a final grade. As a result, the group, "The Calculus Team," formed.
For the next few semesters, I led the team by keeping it alive, gathering lunch dates, contacting members, and always reminding them, "We have homework to do after class. Do not leave the campus please!" Studying after class became a routine, and it comprised emergency Sundays, where we tested each other before Monday's exam. We had fun while studying, ate snacks, and made it a nice learning environment. That environment helped us succeed. My involvement in school was minimal because I worked full-time, however, I made this small group my first priority. Success no longer belonged to me; it belonged to the group as a whole. If one of us received a failing grade, we supported that person by lifting them up an encouraging them to not give up. Most of the members in our group ended up gaining A's in their courses, including me. Some of us ended up in the top five scores in each of the classes because we competed with one another. We challenged each other and competing for the highest grade, and it's what drove us to success. My passion for math and learning infected each member, making this one of my biggest accomplishments.
Not only did I mentor and tutor my friends, but I learned something in myself: I had the ability to get others to believe in themselves and their dreams. Each person learned of my story and my struggle while working full-time, living alone, and supporting my mother while trying to maintain high grades in every course. If I could get high grade, my friends learned that they could do the same. Many of the members in the group were undecided of their career options too. When I shared with them my dream of becoming an astronaut someday, it inspired them to follow their calling. And by our last semester, I convinced four of my friends to apply to better universities in the state and the country rather than staying local. I knew they had the potential to succeed in a bigger and more prestigious university. They each got accepted and will now go to make their dreams and desires possible.
Planting that small seed while in calculus class has had a large impact in my life and the lives of each member. I learned that success as a group surpassed my own success. Each person will go out to the change world because they learned of what hard work, passion, and desire meant. It may have been a small group of people, but each of them will contribute to the betterment of our community and our planet by becoming Electrical, Aerospace, Mechanical, and Biomedical Engineers. My friends, who I love, I will miss, but I am certain that by helping them, I helped my community and the world at large, leaving a small footprint in their hearts and lives.
I hope this finds you all well. The following is an essay for a scholarship I found online. There is no word limit. I would like a second opinion on the essay before editing and cutting unnecessary items. I appreciate any help in advance.
The prompt:
Write an essay explaining how you've helped your community.
My love for learning begun inside Taller Infantil Quiroga, a small elementary school in Bogota, Colombia. I always carried that love with me, finishing my assignments before the rest of the students, often getting me in trouble for not having something to do. Until today, that desire to learn stayed deep within the walls of my heart. While taking Calculus I at Broward College in the spring of 2014, my passion for both math and learning ignited, where I wanted to help others succeed.
On our first day in class, I met Da and Andrea, both of whom sat beside me. Our friendship began when we received our first exam scores. Da, Andrea, and I received an F, D, and a C respectively. We wondered. What happened? Why were our scores so low? The week after, I implanted a small seed: I asked them if they wanted to study together after class. They agreed. For the rest of the semester we did just that. As a strategy, we planned to finish homework after class since the material was still fresh in our minds. When Da and Andrea did not understand a problem, I helped them right away. Because of my understanding of math, it came easy to mentor and tutor them. By the end of the semester, we gained a letter A in the class as a final grade. As a result, the group, "The Calculus Team," formed.
For the next few semesters, I led the team by keeping it alive, gathering lunch dates, contacting members, and always reminding them, "We have homework to do after class. Do not leave the campus please!" Studying after class became a routine, and it comprised emergency Sundays, where we tested each other before Monday's exam. We had fun while studying, ate snacks, and made it a nice learning environment. That environment helped us succeed. My involvement in school was minimal because I worked full-time, however, I made this small group my first priority. Success no longer belonged to me; it belonged to the group as a whole. If one of us received a failing grade, we supported that person by lifting them up an encouraging them to not give up. Most of the members in our group ended up gaining A's in their courses, including me. Some of us ended up in the top five scores in each of the classes because we competed with one another. We challenged each other and competing for the highest grade, and it's what drove us to success. My passion for math and learning infected each member, making this one of my biggest accomplishments.
Not only did I mentor and tutor my friends, but I learned something in myself: I had the ability to get others to believe in themselves and their dreams. Each person learned of my story and my struggle while working full-time, living alone, and supporting my mother while trying to maintain high grades in every course. If I could get high grade, my friends learned that they could do the same. Many of the members in the group were undecided of their career options too. When I shared with them my dream of becoming an astronaut someday, it inspired them to follow their calling. And by our last semester, I convinced four of my friends to apply to better universities in the state and the country rather than staying local. I knew they had the potential to succeed in a bigger and more prestigious university. They each got accepted and will now go to make their dreams and desires possible.
Planting that small seed while in calculus class has had a large impact in my life and the lives of each member. I learned that success as a group surpassed my own success. Each person will go out to the change world because they learned of what hard work, passion, and desire meant. It may have been a small group of people, but each of them will contribute to the betterment of our community and our planet by becoming Electrical, Aerospace, Mechanical, and Biomedical Engineers. My friends, who I love, I will miss, but I am certain that by helping them, I helped my community and the world at large, leaving a small footprint in their hearts and lives.
