I think the drafts below need serious editing. And I am counting on you to help me do that. Please review the essays and give me your comments.
(1)Describe the community service and leadership experiences you bring to ASU and how you will contribute to ASU's community if you were accepted into The MasterCard Foundation Scholars Program.
High school wouldn't have been so great if I hadn't experienced those thrilling and challenging activities. Few of the many activities I participated and led include The Charity club and The Green Environment Club.
Had I not participated, I could have never understood what it feels like. It's much more refreshing than the sea breeze and even much more wondrous than Seven Wonders of the World. It endows you with real satisfaction that you may never be able to find anywhere in the world. I didn't know all these benefits charity offers till I became the member and president of the Charity Club. During my term of leadership, our club was able to organize lots of fundraising programs both in our school and in our community to help orphans, desperate elders and HIV/AIDS patients. Even though we faced many obstacles at the beginning, we were able to learn from our mistakes and build our capacity to make our work efficient and trustworthy. We set distinct goals and were able to abide by them. Consequently, all our efforts bore fruit and we began to give consistent aid blended with counseling service that can bolster their self confidence and hope.
Not only that but also I was able to put my prints on the various works done to create green and convenient Environment. As the vice president of the club, I have led different movements, such as One Tree to Each Student, which helped to create awareness among the student community and make both the school and its surrounding green using only endangered indigenous plants.
These and other leadership experiences I was able to experience in high school have built my self-confidence, problem solving and communication skills, integrity and as a whole my leadership ability. Joining ASU's community would take all those efforts to a higher level. I would be able to actively participate in various large-scale organizations at ASU such as the ASU foundation and ASU global. I would cooperate with the fellow students at ASU and strive sparing no effort to reduce the horrors of poverty in the developing world, especially in the Sub-Saharan Africa. In regard to that, carrying out problem-solving researches which really benefit the poor would be my ultimate goal. Besides I would add to the diversity of the ASU's community. This would promote the pluralism ideology which, I think, is essential in order for democracy to prevail.
With the amazing record ASU has in active participation of undergrads on faculty projects, I think it wouldn't be difficult rather fascinating to work on researches closely with the top experts. It is imperative that my joining into the community would entail responsibilities to fulfill and I feel that one of my responsibilities is contributing to the community. So I strive to the fullest to make my stay there significant.
THANKS!
MOD comment:One essay at one time please!
(1)Describe the community service and leadership experiences you bring to ASU and how you will contribute to ASU's community if you were accepted into The MasterCard Foundation Scholars Program.
High school wouldn't have been so great if I hadn't experienced those thrilling and challenging activities. Few of the many activities I participated and led include The Charity club and The Green Environment Club.
Had I not participated, I could have never understood what it feels like. It's much more refreshing than the sea breeze and even much more wondrous than Seven Wonders of the World. It endows you with real satisfaction that you may never be able to find anywhere in the world. I didn't know all these benefits charity offers till I became the member and president of the Charity Club. During my term of leadership, our club was able to organize lots of fundraising programs both in our school and in our community to help orphans, desperate elders and HIV/AIDS patients. Even though we faced many obstacles at the beginning, we were able to learn from our mistakes and build our capacity to make our work efficient and trustworthy. We set distinct goals and were able to abide by them. Consequently, all our efforts bore fruit and we began to give consistent aid blended with counseling service that can bolster their self confidence and hope.
Not only that but also I was able to put my prints on the various works done to create green and convenient Environment. As the vice president of the club, I have led different movements, such as One Tree to Each Student, which helped to create awareness among the student community and make both the school and its surrounding green using only endangered indigenous plants.
These and other leadership experiences I was able to experience in high school have built my self-confidence, problem solving and communication skills, integrity and as a whole my leadership ability. Joining ASU's community would take all those efforts to a higher level. I would be able to actively participate in various large-scale organizations at ASU such as the ASU foundation and ASU global. I would cooperate with the fellow students at ASU and strive sparing no effort to reduce the horrors of poverty in the developing world, especially in the Sub-Saharan Africa. In regard to that, carrying out problem-solving researches which really benefit the poor would be my ultimate goal. Besides I would add to the diversity of the ASU's community. This would promote the pluralism ideology which, I think, is essential in order for democracy to prevail.
With the amazing record ASU has in active participation of undergrads on faculty projects, I think it wouldn't be difficult rather fascinating to work on researches closely with the top experts. It is imperative that my joining into the community would entail responsibilities to fulfill and I feel that one of my responsibilities is contributing to the community. So I strive to the fullest to make my stay there significant.
THANKS!
MOD comment:One essay at one time please!