Higher studies in Korea because it has a great educational program

I'd like to write a self-introduction for the KGSP Scholarship to ensure I get it. Please help anyway you can.

Here are the guidelines:
Your course of life,your view of life, study background, your hopes and wishes etc.
Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP program.
Your motivations for applying for this program.
Reason for studying in Korea.

Here it is:

KGSP Scholarship application

I am Sadia Jahan, born and raised in Dhaka, Bangladesh. There are 4 people in my family. I'm the older child of my parents. My father XYZ is a banker. My mother XYZ is housewife. I have a younger brother studying in High School. My parents were always highly ambitious of me to be a successful and honest human being when I'd grow up. Especially my father wanted me to achieve higher degrees. They wanted me to be someone for the country and for the whole world I am really highly motivated for applying in 2016 Korean Government Scholarship Program for Graduate Degrees. I was always interested in science. From my childhood, I have dreamed to be an engineer. When we were in high school, we need to make some very important choices in our life. To make the right choices, we should have some vision of our life and make plans for the future. After taking some time to think about what I like and what I want to do in the future, I had the rather vague idea that I wanted to be involved in the field of electrical and electronic engineering and wanted to study about it in university. My undergraduate period played very vital role to shape my career. I strongly felt that undergraduate and master's education helped to make my foundation fairly strong in the area of electronics.

My vocation has always been to work towards new frontiers of technology, and always work with the purpose of getting the best result. I have become motivated towards pursuing a career in research. Research has interested me, because one is always working on something new, that no one else has worked on, and one can always pursue one's own interest to the fullest. My undergraduate studies in the Department of Electrical and Electronic Engineering at the Chitagong University of Science and Technology, Bangladesh and my masters studies at university of Dhaka, Bangladesh has exposed me to a stimulating academic environment where learning and research go hand-in-hand. Through the many opportunities I have had here, and working as a research assistant at Bangladesh Atomic Energy Research Establishment I have found that I have a deep interest in research work a strong aptitude for the type of problem solving and problem discovery that it involves. I have, therefore decided to pursue active research in as a career.

There is an old saying that `The future belongs to those who believe in their dreams`. I also desired to study the most advanced techniques at the best place possible. South Korea is one of the world-leading country in this field. All Korean university are located in a nice place and has a friendly environment for studying in the international graduate programs. I decided to pursue my higher studies in Korea because it has a great educational program, highly qualified teaching facilities, beautiful environment, modern equipment, cutting-edge research theme and good academic achievement. South Korea is an influential country with the development and production of electronic components and devices in the world. In the future, I hope to be able to contribute to technological development, economic growth and the natural world that can benefit humanity and the future of the planet.

Sadia, this is a pretty good draft. It lacks a number of information in it such as your point of view about life and your current professional work experience so you need to add direct references to those missing information in your essay. You should also improve upon the last paragraph that deals with the reasons as to why you are interested in the KGSP program and studying in Korea. In relation to those two important aspects of your application, the way you have those paragraphs developed are not really useful to your application. You are offering general comments on both and as such, do not really display a personal interest in receiving the scholarship. There is no information that will tell the reviewer that you have any sort of information or background regarding Korean culture and its scholarship offerings.

Build up the information those two aspects to represent a personal representation of your desire to study in Korea. Aside from your college degree and subsequent masters degrees, there is really nothing remarkable about this essay that will help it to stand out. The current information is not enough because you did not fully develop certain aspects of the essay prompts. I speak specifically of the first paragraph where you combined all of the information for your course of life, personal background, and point of view about life. Those should be presented in separate and fully developed paragraphs because the committee looks for people who have a deep insight when it comes to life matters and shows a seriousness about his direction in life. Also, you need to be more specific about your father's occupation. Mention his position and the name of the bank he is working at. The screening committee may want to verify that information since you mentioned it in the essay.

Hi, Sadia...

Maybe I can help with the view of life. Try to write about how electronics area becomes important in your family and society life in Bangladesh from the past to this year. And relates it with your previous study background and your future.

I think you should put more effort on relation of your work experience and your motivation to study in Korea and how this will benefit your country when you finished your study. Try to search bilateral cooperation between Bangladesh and Korea that in-lined with what you are going to apply and your career plans.

Good luck..