Hello everyone, i need help to revise, comment, so i can fix my statement of purpose to apply for a scholarship. please help me, thankyou.
To me, invent something is a dream for a lifetime. When I walk, I stare at the dry leaf, the bark, the grass, the rubbish, and wondering "what can I do to make it useful?". Then I started to sketch some designs, discuss with my lecturer or wrote down the ideas, but it is still just remained on the paper. I do not have chance to conduct my research, because the lack of instrumentation in the laboratories of my department, chemical engineering, in XXX.
My name is XXX. I always eager to know everything, I even have books to write my question lists. My curiosity lead me to following one national competition by the ministry of higher education in Indonesia; Program Kreatifitas Mahasiswa (Creativity Program of Students), where the government will give money to the chosen students' proposals to conduct their programs (research, business, invent things, or community service). I am currently on the fourth semester of my bachelor degree with GPA 3.59/4.00, and I was following this competition twice, on my first semester (2013) as member of the team, and on my second semester (2014) as the chairman. On the second trial, our proposal of scientific writing ideas with the title XXX. It raise my confident to do research and invent.
I will do everything to make my dreams come true, I search for a program of exchange and research for years, and then I found XXX. It was like the golden ticket to realize my dream; I can go to XXX, the country of technology, innovation, and invention, which is very good to expand my knowledge and to gain experiences. And I also can learn how to conduct research from the experts of their areas. I believe this will take me a giant leap closer to be an inventor, to create something useful for people.
Renewable energy always attracts me. Dependent on the limited sources of energy will paralyze a nation when the sources has been ran out, that is the problem that I face in my country. Indonesia shone 365 days a year by the sun, which is made it has a great opportunity to be applied and developed by the solar cell technology, but until now the solar cell is considered to be limited, expensive, and untouchable for people with majority in the middle and lower economy class.
I once read that organic solar cell are potentially cost-effective, thus I want to chose XXX laboratory with the program 'XXX' to learn more about the technology and development in this XXX. Having this knowledge will give me the opportunity to know how to conduct research, like I always want to do. And meet the expectations from this scholarship; contribute to media requests, prepare poster presentation, attend annual symposium, I saw it as a very interesting and meaningful experiences to be had. I do really want to learn in this particular laboratory, enhance my knowledge in it, and gain experiences I need to be an inventor. Thankyou for your consideration.
Sincerely yours,
Rieny, when you are applying for such an important masters degree scholarship, it is more important to highlight your future and your current potential as a professional and a student. The essay you currently have is quite long and does not really have a specific direction except to be a biographical statement on your part. To make your writing more effective, please consider sharing your ideas for a future goal that you have set for yourself with the scholarship committee members. Let them know how important this scholarship is to you because of the benefit that society can gain from your advanced studies. Highlight the fact that you have a unique dream and ability that will be wasted if you are not given the proper financial help to assist you in achieving those lofty ambitions and dreams. Assure them that supporting your studies will not be a waste of their finances due to various professional and personal reasons. Having a proper direction for your future career oftentimes inspires the reader to support the applicant.
Basically, you should explain your interest in the field and how the advanced studies will help you fulfill it. From there, you should also mention the scholarship program and how their program / donation to your studies can help you become a successful student. Try to cut down most of your essay to only the most important information that covers any or all of the following:
1. The reason you wish to attend this summer program
2. Why you feel that this summer program is something that can help you achieve future success.
3. How the mission and vision of the scholarship program can help you give back to your community.
4. The specific reasons why you feel you should be awarded the scholarship. While financial incapacity is the common reason used, you should try to come up with a new reason. Perhaps something that implies how you require additional resources in order to cover the costs, thus making it appear that the scholarship will be helping you, not shouldering all your expenses.
I hope to read your revised essay as soon as you can get to writing one :-)
