(involvment and contributions to your community) BILL GATES MILLENIUM SCHOLARSHIP

Prompt:
Discuss your involvement in and contributions to a community near your home, school, or elsewhere.

According to the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP), my country of birth, Morocco, ranks in the bottom 10% for literacy amongst all nations in the world. The problem is particularly acute amongst women, due to ingrained cultural practices and prejudices. My mother who is a teacher and also very much an independent thinker, wanted to provide me with the opportunity at a very young age to make a meaningful impact to the lives of the illiterate in our country. On alternate weekends she drove us to the country and I helped teach women and girls how to read and write Arabic. All we had was a small classroom and a chalk board where the women sat on the ground and attended class often at great personal risk to themselves. So intense was their desire to learn. Education was the only way out of their very difficult circumstances in life. Their courage, despite possible harm from their husbands and family, impacted me deeply. I too realized at that early age that education was my way out of my own circumstances in life; thus my drive to attend high school and college here in the US.

Instead of, "My mother who is a teacher and also very much an independent thinker, wanted to provide me with the opportunity at a very young age to make a meaningful impact to the lives of the illiterate in our country," use, "My mother, a teacher, and very much an independent thinker, wished to provide me with the opportunity at a very young age to make a meaningful impact on the lives of the illiterate in our country."

Overall, your essay is very clear and concise. However, the sentence " So intense was their desire to learn." is awkward. Also, the sentence "On alternate weekends she drove us to the country and I helped teach women and girls how to read and write Arabic." should be "On alternate weekends she drove us to the country and I helped teach women and girls how to read and write in Arabic. "

Good Luck.

very good and unique, I haven't read any quite like it. Despite some comma errors, the topic was very engaging. The 'at a very young age' kind of throws the sentence off, so either rephrase it to flow easier or remove it entirely. and the last phrase kind of shifts the essay, which had been focused on the prompt before, into a whole new direction and makes it sound generic; do some kind of uplift about how you realized something, or were that much more determined to succeed, but don't turn this around into an essay that every other applicant is going to write about. the conclusion is often the most important- make it count!

other than that, its amazing, and I really hope you get the scholarship.