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Tungnt 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2015   #1
Dear all, I am applying for Irish Aid scholarship for MSc in Finance and this is my answer for the question "In 300 words please tell us why you would like to study at UCD Smurfit School and why you need an Irish Aid scholarship to be able to study here". However my answer right now is 377 words and I am currently confusing how to shorten it. Can anyone help to review and edit. I really appreciate your time and thank you in advance!

Since my high school days I had a special interest in the issues regarding financial systems and an excellent ability to analyze the numerical data. So I decided that my future career will certainly be in financial sectors. Now after graduated from university and had over 2 years of working experience in a financial institution, I find it is the most beautiful time for me to pursue a master course as the higher level of education. I have looked through many courses from a huge number of universities and found that the unique MSc in Finance program of UCD Michael Smurfit Graduate Business School totally meets my expectations. The program will not only help me comprehend the entire management and strategic contexts in which financial decision-making is taken but also provide measure of applied theoretical research and the acquisition of the essential practical skills for a future career in financial services. Moreover, since the UCD Michael Smurfit Graduate Business School, ranked 1st in Ireland and 36th worldwide, is one of leading universities in Europe and the MSc in Finance program of the university is one of the best programs in the world, it will be my great honor to have chance to study in this program. With the knowledge to obtain from the program and the empirical lesson to learn from such a sustainable economy as Ireland, I believe that I will be able to furnish my current academic proficiency and develop concrete cornerstone for my future career.

Irish Aid scholarship is essential for me in order to study in Ireland because the tuition fee for master programs at UCD Smurfit School is too high for me to afford. Since my family is just an ordinary family in sub-urban area and my parents have to pay for the study of my younger brother at local university, my participation in a master program at UCD Smurfit School without scholarship will put a huge financial burden on my family. I dream of participating in the best, most beneficial master programs and want to enrich myself with new environments, people, and teachers, and to blossom into someone that can benefit my country. But it is not always that simple, especially when obstacles such as finances are put in the way.

Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Dec 23, 2015   #2
Hi Nguyen

I do not have much experience in scholarship essay, but here are my suggestions which I think should be there.

Since my high school days [...] Business School totally meets my expectations.

Rather than telling that you have the interest since childhood, tell an example or your achievements that will automatically show about your interest. It would be better if you can mention your expectations from the university. Telling that university meets my expectations, does not tell about you anything

(The reason for your scholarship, I don't think goes correct here. Having ordinary family is not the word, everyone is ordinary. In my opinion, you need to find a better reason: may be you want to pursue on your own without any financial burden on family. Do not say about family, tell about you.

Hope this helps. Good luck :)
OP Tungnt 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2015   #3
Thank you for your help Sakshi. You suggestions definitely help me improve my essay. But the problem here is the requirement from the university that the essay must contain no more than 300 (+- 10%) words. Do you have any ideas to shorten it?
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Dec 23, 2015   #4
hey Nguyen

I completely understand the requirements, but firstly you need to change your content, then only we can work on the length of essay. Tell bout your accomplishment or may be just one major accomplishment in your life and your career goal related to it.

Hope this helps.

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