"Journalism is my way to dedicate myself to society"

This is my essay for a scholarship, I hope I can get some advice..

strong will to be successful

One word that stands out throughout my life is strong will. I believe hard work will make difference, because success for me is the process not only the results.

2015, my lecturer told me not to cover a story for my final assignment. Not because of the story not worth to cover, but because he feels that I was incapable to get expected results from the topic. He asked to look for another issue, and give it to him immediately. That year, he was asking me to stand next to him to tell my friends, how can I covered the president.

I can picture that day clearly. Someone grabbed my shirt when I break through the president barricade while I lifted up my tripod, with the camera already recording on top. Dozens of national and local journalist crowded, trying to get the president on camera. I pushed into the crowd and slipped between the cameraman. I couldn't move and not even sure if the video focused or not, I couldn't see the screen because of the sun right above me. We stand still for more than 30 minutes as the reporter asking questions about the inspection that day. I still trapped and hoping for my camera to record that moment, and then the journalist disbands as the president is gone. I was so grateful when I found my recorded video was vivid and focus. That day, I was waiting for seven hours just to make a final three minutes video, but that was one of life changed memory for me.

2016, my mother forced me to graduate immediately to take the upcoming civil servant test. She wanted the stable life for me. In another side, journalism is not but it has become the part of my life. Local media has become the biggest concern for me. Anyone in this field maybe wants to write interesting stories, interviewing famous people, or cover sensitive issues, but for me, journalism is dedication with integrity. And I am willing to dedicate my skill, my way of thinking for people in backward areas in Indonesia.

I try my best to be the person that deserved society trust. I sharpen my skill by the internship in local and national media without even paid, I volunteer to be editor in chief for local online media in my region, and make a magazine for my church. I do not want to be an ordinary journalist, who graduate school to sell their idealism and become the extension hands of the media owner or fooled by wrong propaganda. I saw local people in my hometown, they deserved more attention, but for news value, there is no interesting issue there. The saddest thing is that there is no interest in reading there. Even the local media that should play an important role, now has no fangs. This is not only in my area, but in a lot of area in Indonesia. I can imagine what they do not get and what they deserved. I want something to change.

Lukya, what is the prompt you are trying to respond to? I cannot get a sense of what it is that you are trying to say in this essay because I do not know what the main point of the paper is supposed to be. I wish you had clarified that when you posted the essay because I can only give you one advice per essay topic. In this instance, I believe that the essay has grammatical inaccuracies that affect the presentation and clarity of the paper. The paragraphs lack transition sentences that would help the reviewer move from one paragraph to the next with a clear sense of what you are discussing throughout the essay progression. I guess the main thing that is missing from your essay is the strong personal reason that you have for wanting to become a journalist. The reasoning you provided does not really create a strong sense of personal conviction. What is your cause as a journalist? How could you make a difference as one? How can the scholarship help you become a journalist? These are some of the questions that are normally responded to in a scholarship essay. I don't see any clear references to those concerns in your essay. Answer this question: "What is journalistic dedication with integrity all about and what does it mean to you?" Maybe, if you respond to that prompt question as I provided it, you will be able to come up with a better essay.

@Holt
Thank you for your respond, I will come with a better one..