Hello everyone! So this is my personal statement for KGSP 2018 and the points that should be included are:
- Motivations with which you apply for this program
- Family and Education background
- Significant experiences you have had; risks you have taken and achievements you have made, persons or events that have had a significant influence on you
- Extracurricular activities such as club activities, community service activities or work experiences
I would really appreciate it if somebody would kindly rate and correct my essay ^^
Thank you~~
Personal Statement for KGSP 2018
The goal I am willing to accomplish in the future is to become a Chemical Engineer that expertise in the cosmetics field. I would like to contribute actively in the cosmetic industries in Indonesia. Nowadays, cosmetic industries in Indonesia are faced with several problems that people prefer imported cosmetic brands to local cosmetic brands. Most local cosmetics in Indonesia still contain toxic chemicals that are dangerous for human bodies. Further than that, local cosmetic brands also fail to attract buyers because the packaging they use are not appealing, especially to women. These make consumers tend to turn to imported cosmetic brands rather than local brands. I have a strong dedication to fulfill Indonesian consumers' needs for cosmetics that are not harmful for their bodies. My plan is to build a cosmetic industry which produces cosmetics that use natural & organic ingredients and 'cute' packaging to attract more buyers. At this point, KGSP will enable me to learn more about how to build a cosmetic industry that economical, environmentally friendly, and morally sound in Indonesia. One of the universities in Korea, which is the Korea University, has advanced technologies and laboratories that can support me on pursuing my studies. I believe that KGSP will be a golden opportunity for me to learn thoroughly about my field of study as well as serving as a bridge to reach my future goals.
My family consists of four persons. My father is 48 years old and a civil servant in Tax Office. My mother is a 48-year-old housewife. I am the first child in my family. I have a younger brother who is a student at the second grade of elementary school. Since I was a kid, my parents have always taught me that education is number one priority in our life. Even though they struggled a little for money back then, they always made sure I receive the best education and supports I needed. I completed my high school studies on Mathematics and Science program for three years, and graduated in May 2017 from 78 Senior High School Jakarta. Upon graduation, I was accepted to University of Indonesia majoring in Chemical Engineering and am an active student until this very moment.
The most memorable experience I have had is Character Building program that was held in December 2014 at the Cilandak Military Camp. This program was participated by all freshmen in my high school. After completing this program, I am able to build positive characters and self-confidence, work effectively in team, and develop leadership skills. Another significant experience I have had is "Bacakilat" (English : speed reading) workshop that I attended in August 2017. Bacakilat not only taught me how to read a book effectively in a little amount of time, but also encouraged me to be a consistent reader. Today, I can finish at least three books every week. I have always loved math ever since I was in elementary school. Therefore, this lead me to a perfect math score (10.00) in National Examination when I was in Junior High School. I also got the highest National Examination score (average = 9.4) in my Junior High School, which brought me to the one of the best Senior High School in Jakarta. In High School, I have always succeed in mantaining my grades and been the top 5 in my class. As a result, I got accepted to University of Indonesia without taking the university admissions test. I would not be where I am today if it were not for BJ Habibie, the person whom I respect the most. Habibie is an aeronautical engineer and the former president of Indonesia. Despite the financial difficulty in his childhood, he continued studying hard and eventually received a scholarship to Germany. His persistence in pursuing the best education motivated me to not give up on searching for the best education to reach my dreams. Although he already held an important position in Germany back then, Habibie chose to return to Indonesia to contribute in the technology and political fields. I aspire to give contributions to this country as much as Habibie does.
Apart from studying in class, I have done an extracurricular activity which is Pramuka in my high school. Pramuka is a name of non-formal education organization that performs scouting education in Indonesia. Pramuka is derived from word "Praja Muda Karana" which means young soul that loves to work. Every activity is performed according to the Scouting Basic Principal (Prinsip Dasar Kepramukaan) and Scouting Method (Metode Kepramukaan). There are many activities in Pramuka, such as learning Morse code, playing problem-solving games, learning how to knot a rope, camping in nature, and many more. The final goal of these activities is the formation of character, morals, and noble character of young people in Indonesia. Joining Pramuka is one of the things I am grateful for because Pramuka have given me knowledge to face the challenges of tomorrow.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Farah, try to first introduce yourself to the reviewer before you discuss the motivations you have for studying in Korea. So that means you will have to make paragraphs 2,3, and 4 the opening, second, and third paragraphs of the revised essay. This will leave you with enough space towards the end to properly focus on your motivation for studying in Korea. While you have presented some reasons as to why you have decided that studying in Indonesia is not an option for you, the reasons for your opting for studies in Korea is not very well developed. You present only general information about Korea University when what the reviewer needs to learn from you are specific reasons as to why you chose (1) Korea and (2) the Korea University specifically for your studies. So you will need to write 2 extra, independent paragraphs for that. One paragraph for the question "What motivated you to study in Korea" and another one for "Why Korea University in particular?" That will create a more comprehensive motivational discussion for your essay that should better highlight your reasons for studying overseas. By the way, I noticed that you had a number of activities to speak of but no accomplishments to present. Why is that? You should try to explain why you only have activities when academic achievements are also a part of the discussion but you had none to present.
