KGSP - 'An opportunity for me through which I can become a strong professional of my own field'

Hello, I am Pallabi from Bangladesh. I am applyinf for KGSP program this semester and i needed help with "Self Introduction". Ihad to complete my essay within 10 points. Hope I will get advice to improve my essay. I have to cover following topics-

o Your course of life, your view of life, study background, your hopes & wishes, etc
o Your education and work experience, etc., in relation to the KGSP program
o Your motivations for applying for this program
o Reason for study in Korea

Life has given so many opportunities to fill-up the list of our achievements. So we should pick as much as opportunity we can. If we have eligibility and dedication then we will surely succeed one day. KGSP program has opened such an opportunity for me through which I can become a strong professional of my own field.

After completing my school majoring in science I was stuck weather to go to medical college or step into the group of pharmacists. Then my father introduced me to a person who is a highly ranked professional of the field of Bangladesh pharmaceutical sector. The person detailed me the situation of pharmaceutical field in Bangladesh and other countries. I was stunned to know that almost 95% of the total demand is supplied by the local pharmaceutical industries. And there is also a vast area for innovation and research. Instantly I decided to do my Bachelor in pharmacy and dedicate myself towards the welfare of my country. Then I got chance of admission in an institution which is very renowned and well familiar for pharmacy education here and got one step closer to my desired destination.

When I was in third year of my Bachelor degree one of my faculty member went to South Korea for his Doctorate degree. He told us a lot about Korean culture, food, language and people. I also came to know about this KGSP program through him. He motivated me to apply for this scholarship. I also become more interested in Korean country and culture by watching some Korean movies and dramas.

At the first semester of final year I got Dean's award and waivers of tuition fees in other semesters for good academic results. After completing my Bachelor degree at the middle of 2015 I needed some time for planning my career and think about my higher studies as my father suddenly passed away. During that time I used to give tuitions to school students for carrying my regular expenses. At present I am taking an online course on "Understanding Drugs and Addiction" at Futurelearn.com associated by Kings College London and also registered for another course named "Understanding IELTS" conducted by British Council which will start at April 25.

In the meantime, I consulted with some seniors of my institution who are doing their higher studies in different countries. As I am interested to conduct my further studies within Asia so they advised me that Korea and KGSP program can provide me highly standard education that will help me to reach my destination with great financial support that I needed the most. Thus I became more motivated for applying in Korea through KGSP.

Hi Pallabi, really sorry for your loss but I will suggest, don't mention it here. Its a college essay and they strictly want the students to answer the questions according to the prompt. You seem like a great person in your accomplishments but somehow you were not able to demonstrate in your essay. Now allow me to give comments on your essay :)

I was stunned to.....I decided to do my ..
.... chance of admission ...

Saying that you met a person who told you so and so and instantly you chose this field. This idea seems quite vague to me, had you met a doctor you could have decided to become a doctor? Because there is also scope of research and every society needs a doctor. They also work for the welfare of the people, then why you chose this field? Then you said that you got a chance in institution, it seems like you did no effort of figuring out your study plan or getting into an institute but accepted the way it comes as an opportunity. Of course you did the effort but you need to write it here. choose your words carefully as it can give a wrong impression of your personality as a student.

Again in the next paragraph, your faculty member motivated you to apply for this scholarship because he shared his experience. what about your own choice? Your own study plan, what you want to do? You gave reasons like your decisions were influenced by the people who motivated you. but why you need motivation from others? What you want to become, where is the motivation from your own study? Your own career and your own experiences? What all you did in under grad education, you got the admission but then what you did? Till then, you were still not aware of your goal? How you pursued your studies and how you made a plan to continue your education in the same field? your essay lacks the academic experience. Why you are pursuing these online courses? How they will help you in your study? In the last paragraph, you again said that your seniors motivated you. Don't do this and don't say that you need scholarship because though it is a scholarship essay but saying you need it, it will not help. It is purely based on your academic achievements, your career goals and your passion to pursue this program. I will look forward to your new revision. Feel free to ask if you have any questions.:)

Dear Sakshi Jain thank you very much for your response. i will surely come back with my revised study plan. Now can you help me for correcting my study plan as well? i am posting my study plan here. Let me know my lacking. Here is the plan-

o Goal of study, title or subject of research, and detailed study plan

Pharmaceutical sector is an extensively vast area for anyone to be puzzled while selecting career path. From the very beginning of my Bachelor's degree in Pharmacy I dreamt of becoming a research personnel rather than developing my career in other pharmaceutical divisions. That is why I want to do my master thesis on "New Drug Development". More precisely I want to gain in depth knowledge and do my research on "Development of Biopharmaceutical Drug Products".

Another crucial reason for selecting this subject is the "TRIP's agreement" for Bangladesh which is valid until 2032. Within this time period Bangladesh have to become self-sufficient in producing drug products without importing active pharmaceutical ingredients to provide economic medicine supply to its population. Otherwise the price of importing medicines will be too high that poor people will have no ability to buy medicines. By doing my master thesis on this topic I want to become an active participant of this process and help my country to fulfill its people's rights.

At the beginning of my master degree I will try to develop my theoretical knowledge about "Bio-Pharmacy" with the help of my teachers. Then I will join a research team of my desired subject and observe and participate in thesis work under the supervision of my adviser.

Thank you very much for previous response. Here is my revised essay of "Self Introduction". Looking forward for further corrections/advise as soon as possible as erlier. Thank you again.

Life has given--------my own field.

Hi Pallabi, this was definitely a good revision but need more inputs from you. The way you wrote your study plan, make your essay like that. Be specific about everything, what you earned , don't just write you earned but what you earned in the college?

,.......present situation and future of pharmaceuticals .....(Can you tell us what fascinated you here which further developed your interest in this career?What is the present and future here? Whatever you write, try to explain by specific details. )

You got Dean's award and etc. does not make sense here until or unless it is not attached to your field of study. How you managed to get this award? By doing something extra in pharmaceutical industry or by some research? Or how it helped you in your studies, try to form a link between the sentences as they are connected to each other. How this award related to your study? What practical experience you earned in your internship as mentioned here? What kind of knowledge you gathered in college? Don't mention about scholarships here that you researched for scholarship. It is a scholarship essay but strictly remain in the limits of what prompt asked you. Your second last revision sounds good, the study plan. Incorporate those ideas in the essay. That will make it complete. Don't mention that you needed time to think , rather think more about how this program will help you in your career goal? What kind of exposure you will get in the program? We know that you have a vast knowledge of the field and gain many skills, so write about those what skills you gained in internships and what skills you are expecting from Korea. you need only one or two revisions, then it should be okay. Sorry, if I am asking you to revise again and I hope you are not running late of your deadlines.

Hey Pallabi, great so lets start with revision now. Can you tell me what do you mean by 10 points? Is it the word limit then tell me the word limit allowed to you. For essay, can you skip the introduction part.

Life.......own field. Reason is this is known to every second person in this world, nothing seems unique in here. In fact, I came across many essays on EF only starting with the same lines as it is common. How about starting the essay with sentences/phrases/quotations related to your knowledge or passion for your line of study? So either you can start with lines like:

Pharmaceutical sector is vast............... OR
I grew up with the responsibility of managing my father's medical routine....OR
If you have anything in mind.

Hey Pallabi, well it took me a day to go through your essay as I tried to combine all your revisions here in one essay. Just mention the parts where asked and it is complete content wise as I see it. Rest its your decision how you choose to develop your essay. Let me know if this works for you? Or else I am all in for all the revisions. Good luck:)

Thank you very much for youe valuable time and opinion. Actually this is the first time I am expressing myself like this. As you have experience so i will obviously take your advice. And I was mistaken about that "10 pints". They were referring front size for the essay by this. I had mentioned the matters you suggested but had to delete a few lines because it was exceeding one page. Hope you don't mind and thank you again.