KGSP personal statement .. applying for second time after a rejection

hello everyone. this is my PS for kgsp_Under. I applied last year.. they interviewed me and rejected me. I tried to answer step by step every topic which was mentioned in instruction. so I want to know the opinion of a third person. if you can tell me anything about it I will be thankful.

instruction : Motivations
- Personal background in family and education
- experiences ; risks and achievements
- Extracurricular activities or work experiences
- awards or skills you have acquired

Starting my high school has been a beginning for many good events in my life such as finding my true passions and talents. Since then, I realized that I like any field related to economic, trading, entrepreneurship and business and I have to prepare myself to enter this world for both education and occupation. This attitude helped me to use any possibilities to enhance my abilities and knowledge which I will mention them later, but I like to say a big part of my motivation to apply for this scholarship is because I believe korea and the whole kgsp program is a perfect opportunity for me to grow talents and specialize skills in my favorite major.

Another great motivation for me is that I love to learn about Korean culture and the language in an advanced level. I believe Korea has the best competitive atmosphere and facilities for pursuing higher education in business administration field. I think the combination of tradition and modernity has really effected on me about this country which I call moderation in a world full of extremism.

Besides I have been trying to study in korea for quite a long time and I realized this is my absolute dream and goal since I could not give up on it though there were some failures. Fortunately, I had this long time to think and plan about it; therefore I have a deep insight of my future career and life in there. So my major and passion for Korean language and lifestyle gives me enough reason and motivation for trying hard until I success and start my education in korea, no matter how long it will take.

In family, beside my parent I have just one elder brother and I am the first member of family who goes to university. I lived in a small town around capital with them until I ended up coming to Tehran, living in my aunt house for having better education. I spent last 2 years of my high school independent of my parent. This is a good factor showing I can be a responsible applicant who can handle a student life apart from family cause I already have this experience and I won't face major possible problems that other applicants might do.

My educational background includes a bright record of high GPAs for all 3 years and graduating with CGPA of around 96 percentages plus a good rank in national university exam and getting accepted in best Iranian university (Tehran University)

I have always loved my major (humanities) ever since I chose it and this passion for major plays a huge role in my success as it will surely happen in university again because I love business related areas. Achievements regarding languages include an IELTS certificate (band 7) which I took last year and a TOPIK (level 2) that I took this July.

All these educational achievements did not stop me from doing extra activities out of school. In fact I was a fond of experiencing jobs, learning new abilities and taking risks, so I did many related and influential activities during high school.

One example is participating in a business school for about one year in Sharif University (2014-2015) where I studied many lectures on entrepreneurship, creativity, marketing and etc. In second year of high school I could understand what is a business basic necessities, how to socialize with others in an academic environment and meet the best professors from all over the world ,Also making a wide range of different friends. By the end of this perfect period we had experienced a bunch of different team works, sessions and competitions which made us more mature about our personal and career life.

Due to my big achievements and interests in this field, authorities of business school chose me as a part of executive team for their second year of this program. Therefore I worked in entrepreneurship center of university in summer time and continued my work as a mentor during the year with new students.

After this voluntary work I found a part time job in a popular Tourism company named Marcopolo. This one lasted for about 2 years and I worked as a tourism website administrator.

I had to work at home because of my school but in any possible occasions I was there to help my other colleagues. My job was producing and translating essays, providing videos, photography, interviewing and etc. mostly as a journalist.

Another job that I have experienced is a small home business which I could prepare some home made products and sell them so I could earn my pocket money in summers. This gave me a wider view of producing, marketing and researching. This little home business which also counted as my first idea of entrepreneurship was even showed in a documentary film on Television.

From all I have experienced during these years, the ability of cooperating in team works and communicate with different people or ideas is a great skill that I acquired.

These events happened beside my education and impressed my attitude toward my future career
as they broaden my horizons step by step.

I think I am a deserved applicant because of my hard work and commitment. I never get disappointed of my failures, instead I always try to fix flaws and get back to the set goals until I can achieve them. For instance, since studying in korea has been my dream I got university admission once but financial setbacks didn't let me to move to korea, nevertheless I am applying again due to my passion, confidence and determination. Or when I took advanced TOPIK test and failed to qualify for level 3 with only 4 score needed more, I was encouraged to study harder for next exam. This is the lifestyle of a successful person in my opinion, no matter what's the result; always keep moving forward and all efforts certainly will pay off in the end.

I believe Korea and the whole KGSP program ... for me to grow develop my talents ...

For the sentence below, I suggest you make it more personalized. When you say any field related to economic, trading (etc.) you make it sound like as if you're willing to settle for any program. Try to sound more passionate by talking about the field you really want to study in rather than all 4.

I realized that I like any field related to economic...

Zara, the essay that you wrote does not follow the requirements for a KGSP Personal Statement. You are supposed to write information that fits on only 1 side of an A4 sized paper. There is absolutely no way you can write over 1000 words on an A4 sized paper. The most you can squeeze in there, with an unreasonably small font size is only 500 words. You need to edit the content before you can even proceed with finalizing this paper. The specific instruction is:

Please write not exceeding 2 pages on an A4 size format, one-sided only

A 2 page paper on regular sized paper is anywhere from 500-600 words. Therefore, the A4 paper should house no more than 500 words that respond completely to the prompt information listing.

Your motivation for a clear interest in a specific accounting field is not clearly defined in this essay. The total presentation sounds like you just threw all of the information that you think the reviewer will want to read or, will affect the reviewer to grant your scholarship application, without considering the size of the page and the presentation requirements. Keep it short, keep it informed. Do not write a personal novel as you did here. This will be one reason why you will be passed over by the reviewer. He doesn't have the time to read more than a thousand words when he has hundreds of pending applications to read within a day.

Your reason for wanting to study in Korea needs to be academic in nature and come from a comparative angle of the educational system in your country. Why and how did you come to the decision that Korea has a better academic system? Beyond the lifestyle that all the students have been led to believe that they can afford in Korea, what other academic reasons do you have? Social reasons aside.

Your TOPIK level is too low to brag about in this essay. However, it shows a simple grasp of the Korean language, so you should make this a part of your achievements, in relation to your interest in a Korean education.

If you majored in Humanities, why are you suddenly shifting courses? Don't confuse the issue, omit that information since it is not requested by the prompt. Focus only on presenting the quickest form of information as outlined for you by the form.

You have way too much unnecessary information in this essay. You need to revise the content based on the prompt requirements. What you should do when developing your revised essay is this, list down each prompt requirement and then write your response under it. Do not write more than 10 sentences per requirement in order to keep your draft to a manageable level of words. Once you have responded to each prompt, delete the question and develop your response further, without going over 500 words.

Your aim will be to present a concise response within an acceptable number of words. Your should make sure the reviewer will decide to finish reading your paper and that you will be informing him completely based on the prompt guidelines within one side of an A4 sized paper.

Speaking of paper sizes, the best way to make sure you will accomplish this task is by simply typing your response on an A4 sized paper to begin with. If you enter a second page for that size of paper, you have written too much and need to revise your work. Keep revising until you say everything on a single side of the page.

Accomplishing your personal statement in the required manner and proper focus on content will lead to a more acceptable essay and also allow the reviewer to get the required information faster, which means he can note the parts that impressed him about your application as well.

@Holt
I do not understand clearly here. They said please write no more than 2 pages on an A4. I thought it means we have 2 pages of A4-sized paper to write our ps? so we should not write to the 3rd page. And then we print it, it will be one-sided?

(in other words I think it means 1 a4 page if you can write on both sides)?
please answer me~

@jimjimnie
Hello... Im sure that we can write 2 a4 pages one sided ... So i removed some unnecessary parts and it's still 2 pages and ok. We should just try to be brief and avoid unnecessary talking

Nguyen, you only have one side of the A4 sized paper to write on. In order to properly present your essay on that size of paper, there are two things that you have to accomplish. First, you must edit the paper to focus only on the core points of the prompt. Do not bother with too much description or introduction, just get to the point. Respond directly to the requirements and don't waste space or word count.

Second, you will need to resize the fonts on the screen to fit the actual page. I suggest going no smaller than a font size 10. That is the most readable of the small font sizes. However, if your essay goes over the page size at that font size, you will need to edit your content in order to be even more specific. Keep editing the essay presentation until you see it as a readable post in font size 10.

Yes, you will have to print the essay on one side of the A4 sized paper. No more, no less. That is the requirement of the KGSP scholarship form. I know that it sounds confusing but that is how the print is to be done. 1 side of the A4 size paper. I think you can type 500 words to fit on that page at font size 10.