Hi guys
I'm applying to NTU, and i need to submit an essay along with my scholarship application. This is what i have written. Currently, its over 400 words long and i need to shorten it to 300 words. Please help me remove irrelevant parts and help me sort out any grammatical mistakes.
Thanks!
PS: This is really important, as I need to submit this by today!!!! :(
Q. Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to. Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions.
A.
I know I'm not perfect. But, I believe the best way to work towards perfection is to take advice from those who've already achieved what you're undertaking. Therefore, I love to talk to my elders, my friends, my seniors to know what to do and what to avoid when going about a particular business. Advice steers me clear of potential obstacles and motivates me towards my goals. In fact, this is how I found out about NTU: dissatisfied with my present course, I heard about it while talking to a friend about what other places I could go to. In the same way, I make it a point to advise my juniors and friends about how they can avoid the mistakes that I've committed.
Honesty is something that I value above all else. For me, the means are more important than the end. While I strive to be the best, I would never resort to unfair means to achieve success. For example, once in class 10, while going through my answer scripts, I found that my teacher had inadvertently awarded me extra marks in some questions in my Science paper. I immediately went to my teacher and had the extra marks deducted.
Whether good or bad, I believe in taking responsibility for my actions. After all, once I've done the deed, why should I fear the result? As school Vice Head Boy in class 11 and eventually Head Boy in class 12, I have a proven track record where I have accomplished all that was assigned to me.
I have often gone the extra mile in helping out my friends. Once, in class 11, a friend of mine scored quite badly in a Chemistry unit test. I took it upon myself to make him better in the subject. The result: he passed the end term exam with flying colours!
I think I am deserving of a scholarship at NTU as I know I am capable of living up to everything the will be expected of me and do much more to make the University proud.
Therefore, I love to talk to my elders, my friends, my seniors to know what to do and what to avoid when going about a particular business.
Therefore I would love to consult opinion of my elders, friends and seniors who have a better exposure than me in the world of business.For me, the means are more important than the end.
... this is not clear to the reader... the word "means" fails to give the impression that you need to convey.
For example, once in class 10, while going through my answer scripts, I found that my teacher had inadvertently awarded me extra marks in some questions in my Science paper.
I remember informing my teacher about the marks she had added to my score by error when I was in my 10th grade although those additional points meant lot for my overall position in the class.