Being a leader, is a big role to fill in; as it has variety of requirements and roles to fulfill. I believe that leading by example is the best way that one can use to demonstrate how the tasks should be finished and how the deeds should be done.
One should know that his subordinates look up to him for guidance and instructions to complete their tasks in the supposed way.
A good leader should have a positive attitude, know how to manage setbacks, take responsibilities, be able to delegate, know how to communicate, and show Commitment.
As a team leader during my mandatory military service, I was able to practice and apply what I know of being a leader, and how to influence my team to stay out of troubles and to be as better as one can be in such circumstances. I and my team was supporting the Planning office of the Supply and Logistics division for the Air Defense Forces of the Egyptian Military. From day one my duties; without any shadowing, and according to my superior officer; were to first of all finish whatever tasks assigned to me, second of all help, guide and supervise my team's tasks . Most of our tasks were displayed upon the joint chief of the Air Defense Forces himself, so you can imagine the amount of stress and pressure we were under to deliver these tasks.
Because I was the most experienced one in my team at the Microsoft office; the program used to maintain the soft copies of our Correspondence; sometimes I had to cut my periodic leave, or even to cancel it.
I remember one time, it was Ramadan, I was just back from my periodic leave, it was like 11 PM, I found my superior officer still working on a presentation asked via fax that day to be delivered the day after for the joint chief of the of Air Defense forces, we stayed up all night, to finish up the material then presented it the day after upon the joint chief himself, I believe this was the tightest schedule I had to work upon till that moment; of course during my work it happened once or twice till now; that time I had my periodic leave 24 hours more than my colleagues.
Being a team leader made me always accountable for my subordinate actions; which by the way was not that easy at all; as they were from different environments, different backgrounds and different levels of education.
I tried as much as I can to demonstrate my understanding of leading by example and influencing my team members.
Of course you can say that it was the military, so I had to fulfill whatever tasks I was assigned, or my life would have been a living hell, apparently you forgot that I could have pull some strings to make things easier for himself, but I liked being in charge, being respected for delivering whatever is asked from me whenever it asked and liked maintaining a good relationship with my superior officers.
By the way I and my team were able to get a good idol status after finishing our military.
Mohamed, what made you think that your leadership experience in the military, however mandatory would be frowned upon? I am not sure if you meant the last part of your essay as a comment for the people who will be commenting on your essay here at the forum, or if you meant it for your scholarship reviewer. As a comment for the helpful participants here, that comment was totally unnecessary. We are fair and impartial with our comments and give credit to the writer whenever due. If you meant it for the scholarship committee, you should remove it. Don't address the committee directly nor use expressions like "living hell". That is simply not respectable and professional language to be used in formal essays such as these. Don't say you could have pulled strings to make your life easier, that just sounds like bragging. Not exactly the kind of image that you want to create in the mind of the reviewer. I felt the need to bring those things up first and foremost in this review because that last paragraph of yours is sure to have a negative effect on the essay. It would do you well to either delete those lines or rephrase it to sound less challenging and abrasive.
Now, let me help you out here with some grammar edits. I'll be shortening some paragraphs by removing unnecessary references and redundancies in order to improve the focus and message of your essay.
Par. 1:
Being a leader, is a big role to fill in; as it MEANS THAT THE PERSON has A variety of requirements and roles to fulfill.
One should know that his subordinates look up to him for guidance and instructions to complete their tasks in the supposed CORRECT way.
A good leader should have a positive attitude, know how to manage setbacks, take responsibilities, be able to delegate, know how to communicate, and show C commitment.
Par. 2:
As a team leader during my mandatory military service, I was able to practice and apply what I know of being a leader,
COMMENT: CAN YOU GIVE A SUMMARY OF YOUR PREVIOUS LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCES BEFORE TALKING ABOUT YOUR MILITARY SERVICE? YOU NEED THAT TRANSITION TO EXPLAIN WHERE YOU LEARNED THE PRINCIPLES OF LEADERSHIP BEFORE THE MILITARY APPLICATION.
and how to influence my team to stay out of troubles and to be as better as one can be in such circumstances. I and my team was MY TEAM AND I supporting SUPPORTED the Planning office of the Supply and Logistics division for OF the Air Defense Forces of the Egyptian Military. From day one my duties; .
COMMENT: THE LATTER PART REGARDING YOUR DUTIES DISCUSSES YOUR ABILITY TO BE A TEAM PLAYER AND YOUR EXCELLENT ABILITY TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. SINCE IT DOES NOT COVER LEADERSHIP EXAMPLES ON YOUR PART, DON'T USE IT. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IS USE EXAMPLES OF THE TIME WHEN YOU HELPED, GUIDED, AND SUPERVISED YOUR TEAM'S TASKS. SPECIFICALLY, DISCUSS HOW YOU INFLUENCED THEM TO ACCOMPLISH THE TASKS ON TIME.
Because I was the most experienced one in my team at the Microsoft office...
Par. 4:
I remember one time, it was Ramadan...
Being a team leader made me always accountable for my subordinate actions; which by the way was not that easy at all; as they were from different environments, different backgrounds and different levels of education.
COMMENT: SHOW EXAMPLES OF COMMAND RESPONSIBILITY ON YOUR PART THAT LED TO FURTHER DEVELOPMENT OF YOUR LEADERSHIP SKILLS. THE COMMENT ABOUT YOU HAVING TO CANCEL YOUR LEAVE OR WORKING IMMEDIATELY UPON YOUR RETURN DOES NOT REALLY DISPLAY A NECESSARY LEADERSHIP SKILL.
Par. 5:
I tried as much as I can to demonstrate my understanding of leading by example and influencing my team members.
Of course you can say that it was the military, so I had to fulfill whatever tasks I was assigned, or my life would have been a living hell, apparently you forgot that I could have pull some strings to make things easier for himself, but I liked being in charge, being respected for delivering whatever is asked from me whenever it asked and liked maintaining a good relationship with my superior officers.
By the way I and my team were able to get a good idol status after finishing our military.
COMMENT: REFER TO MY COMMENTS AT THE START OF THIS THREAD REGARDING THIS PARAGRAPH.
Being in the military service allows you a unique opportunity to show a different side to leadership and influencing abilities. I wish I had seen more solid references to these activities in your essay. The work you did was good, but has room for improvement, provided you do not have to submit this essay yet :-)
