Hello Friends, I'm applying for Chevening for this year and need your help regarding the below essay.. Is it appealing to the statement?
Chevening is looking for individuals that will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries. Explain how you meet this ...
I'm a leader by example, who walks her talk and paves the extra mile just to see her ambitious plans delivered. Since my graduation I've found my real passion directed towards start-ups with plans for a big tomorrow, and a market lead. I've been overwhelmed by what looked "impossible" back then, and the euphoria it brings once come to life! Looking at my career, I've always gained the confidence of my managers through leading my colleagues towards a better understanding of our business objectives, and demonstrating accountability on my own targets. And this, is what made me now a 29-yreas-old head of a department in the leading online shopping destination in Africa, YYY.com! The opportunity that helped me not to lead a company, but a whole market!
Being promoted to a category manager in YYY Egypt two years ago has gave me the opportunity to dig deeper into the Egyptian household market with one focused question "How can I lead the ecommerce market?" leadership is influence! It's the ability to take initiatives and to think out of the box to create a real game changer. My leadership qualities and hunger for more achievements has always been defined by real initiatives! And one real initiative that manifested my 28 years is deciding, for the first time in Egypt, to sell a refrigerator online!
Leadership is a teamwork! Through working with startups, I have gained the knowledge that the real power lies in a hungry team believing in the same dream. So, full of myself, I drew a plan with clear strategy and ROIs and asked my CEO for this, he believed in me, and gave me a team. My team was of an operational background and we spent 2 months of commercial training to make them see behind it and believe in it. We prepared content, supplier, warehouses, and fleet. We spent days and nights negotiating promotions and developing our backend. Omar, my operational wing suggested a focus group to gather information about the best prices and specifications of the fridge we would focus on, and it was the best idea ever. In 3 months of work we became ready and kicked it off by managing to convince suppliers to drop-ship the goods.
We gave Egyptians a real gift on the eve of Adha Eid, 2013! Egyptians, for the first time in history, were able to buy a fridge online. With few clicks, eight customers had their fridges delivered to their doorstep, in 24hours, free delivery!
Leaders are followed, and this crystalize their achievements! Now, our sole online competitor which has been there 3 years before we go live (xxxxx) is selling White Goods with the same model. Carrefour -Yes, this French giant- is doing the same from 6 months with their customers in Egypt. All my suppliers confirm that our competitors asked them to follow YYY model. You see, we lead, and they just follow! Writing this, White goods makes 15% of total net merchandizing value of YYY. I'm proud!
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Dina, I understand how proud you are of your achievement. However, a true leader does not gloat. A true leader does not speak of his competitors in a negative light. In fact, a true leader will not speak of his competitors and their misfortunes or their imitation of his company style at all. A true leader, is humble and magnanimous in victory. I am sad to say that your whole essay does not speak of the true leadership traits that would be considered properly impressive by the reviewer.
Your whole attitude in the essay is quite disturbing. Your skill was not really leadership but delegation of tasks. There was not even an instance when it seemed like you inspired your team to work with you. For example, how did Omar develop that idea that he suggested? What was the work situation at that time? How were you reacting as a leader? Did you have any positive influencing skills that you can speak of at that time? I don't get a semblance of you leading by example in this essay at all. I am sorry to speak this way but this is the opinion that I believe, immediately comes across in your paper. My belief is that a new essay is called for. One that reaches out to the reviewer in a more humble tone.
