Hello Essay Forum team.
I hope this finds you all well. I need your expert advice on the following essay. Someone in my university found this scholarship for me and wants me to turn it in in the next two days. I did not have time to write a perfect essay, as I am busy preparing for the beginning of classes. But I hope you can help me with this one.
Please let me know if you like it or not, and if it addressed each question. Thank you!
In 500 words or less, discuss your personal attributes that speak to your perseverance while enrolled in your STEM program, a time when you exhibited the characteristics of a leader and your commitment to service.
It was now July 14, 2013, more than four years since my high school graduation. I opened my mailbox and an envelope that had my permanent resident card lay inside. I stood there in awe, jumping and crying as I held the card with my hands. "I can go to college!" I said. The next day, I drove to Broward College and applied to begin my Associate's Degree. Attending college has been a vital part of my life. With my perseverant sense of self, I helped students who struggled in math, and I inspired them to dream bigger.
The need to help others began when I met Andrea. She had a hard time understanding the material in our pre-calculus algebra class. Even though I worked full-time, I took time out of my schedule to help her. We studied after class every week, and I taught her my tricks to understanding abstract math concepts. These meetings not only helped her succeed in the class, but they also helped me since I had been out of school for so long. At the end of the semester, we both received an A in the class. This was the beginning of something great: the formation of "The Calculus Team."
Similarly, I began meeting other students who had difficulty with math and higher-level calculus classes. I made it my mission to lead the team and reach out to students who were having trouble in their classes. By the end of the calculus sequence, Differential Equations, our group grew to eight members. I scheduled meetings and got people to focus during study time. Edward Sanchez once came to me an hour before a major test and confessed he had not studied the night before. I quickly got my study sheet out and began practicing questions with him, helping him remember the course material he had forgotten. Why did I do this? My success meant the success of the group as whole, not just myself.
We had a set routine, where we would study every night after class, staying at the library until it closed. We also came in on Sundays to study before a major test. We competed with one another: whoever received the highest score in a test, received free lunch after a major exam. Edward, Tasnim, Da, Khang, Matt, Eddie, Michael, and I, were now the top students in all of our math courses. We were limitless, and our grades demonstrated our determination, and desire to succeed.
The arrival of my permanent resident card gave me hope. It gave me the opportunity to learn and teach others. With "The Calculus Team" at Broward College, I discovered I had the qualities of a leader and also the ability to inspire others. However, the most important thing I learned while in college was that success meant the collective success rather than a personal one. Now that I am at Georgia Tech, I hope to continue inspiring students, similarly as I did at BC with my hunger and desire to succeed. I want to continue
I hope this finds you all well. I need your expert advice on the following essay. Someone in my university found this scholarship for me and wants me to turn it in in the next two days. I did not have time to write a perfect essay, as I am busy preparing for the beginning of classes. But I hope you can help me with this one.
Please let me know if you like it or not, and if it addressed each question. Thank you!
In 500 words or less, discuss your personal attributes that speak to your perseverance while enrolled in your STEM program, a time when you exhibited the characteristics of a leader and your commitment to service.
It was now July 14, 2013, more than four years since my high school graduation. I opened my mailbox and an envelope that had my permanent resident card lay inside. I stood there in awe, jumping and crying as I held the card with my hands. "I can go to college!" I said. The next day, I drove to Broward College and applied to begin my Associate's Degree. Attending college has been a vital part of my life. With my perseverant sense of self, I helped students who struggled in math, and I inspired them to dream bigger.
The need to help others began when I met Andrea. She had a hard time understanding the material in our pre-calculus algebra class. Even though I worked full-time, I took time out of my schedule to help her. We studied after class every week, and I taught her my tricks to understanding abstract math concepts. These meetings not only helped her succeed in the class, but they also helped me since I had been out of school for so long. At the end of the semester, we both received an A in the class. This was the beginning of something great: the formation of "The Calculus Team."
Similarly, I began meeting other students who had difficulty with math and higher-level calculus classes. I made it my mission to lead the team and reach out to students who were having trouble in their classes. By the end of the calculus sequence, Differential Equations, our group grew to eight members. I scheduled meetings and got people to focus during study time. Edward Sanchez once came to me an hour before a major test and confessed he had not studied the night before. I quickly got my study sheet out and began practicing questions with him, helping him remember the course material he had forgotten. Why did I do this? My success meant the success of the group as whole, not just myself.
We had a set routine, where we would study every night after class, staying at the library until it closed. We also came in on Sundays to study before a major test. We competed with one another: whoever received the highest score in a test, received free lunch after a major exam. Edward, Tasnim, Da, Khang, Matt, Eddie, Michael, and I, were now the top students in all of our math courses. We were limitless, and our grades demonstrated our determination, and desire to succeed.
The arrival of my permanent resident card gave me hope. It gave me the opportunity to learn and teach others. With "The Calculus Team" at Broward College, I discovered I had the qualities of a leader and also the ability to inspire others. However, the most important thing I learned while in college was that success meant the collective success rather than a personal one. Now that I am at Georgia Tech, I hope to continue inspiring students, similarly as I did at BC with my hunger and desire to succeed. I want to continue
