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All of my life I have struggled with a LD (learning disability); Why do I deserve this scholarship?


thundergirl2014 2 / 3  
Sep 17, 2013   #1
I went a little over the words limit so please me what I could do better.

All of my life I have struggled with a LD (learning disability),I've had people make fun of me for that.I'm out to prove them wrong that I can make something of myself despite of the obstacles that have been thrown in my path.I've had people that have really helped me and supported me thorough out my high-school career.My parents struggle week to week living off of a paycheck because they did not go to college.I've always known that I wanted to go college but I didn't know what I wanted to major in until my sophomore year. feel that I can achieve my goal,helping other people,best by majoring in criminal justice and pursing a career with the Arkansas State Troopers.The reason I finally deiced on that career is because of a friend of my dad's,who is know a caption with the ASP.I've seen him on national television busting a drug dealer in Forrest City,Arkansas.

I also have a little sister that is in eight grade,I want her to be able to look at me and be able to say that my big sister went to college with her all of her problems.I look at her with great pride when I see all of what she has done.She also has a LD but with help she has managed to accomplish great things.Last year,she got most improved junior high choir member of the year.But the most important reason I feel I deserve this scholarship because I've proven time and time again that I can overcome any obstacle that comes in my path if I put my mind to it.

Genoa 1 / 3 1  
Sep 17, 2013   #2
All of my life I have struggled with a LD (learning disability),

There's no need to refer to it as an 'LD', just say learning disability and let that be that.

I've had people make fun of me for that. I'm out to prove them wrong and that I can make something of myself despite of the obstacles that have been thrown in my path. I have(Despite common use, 'I've' is not a word! Huh, right?) had people that have really helped me and supported me thorough out my high-school career.

My parents struggle week to week living off of a paycheck because they did not go to college.

Perhaps a more effective sentence would be, "My parents struggle, living paycheck to paycheck because they didn't go to college." This is a more commonly used saying and could get you some good leverage!

I've always known that I wanted to go college but I didn't know what I wanted to major in until my sophomore year. I feel that I can achieve my goal, which is helping other people, best by majoring in criminal justice and pursing a career with the Arkansas State Troopers.The reason I finally deiced on that career is because of a friend of my Dad's, who is know a Captain(I assume that's what you meant? :)) with the ASP. I have seen him on national television busting a drug dealer in Forrest City,Arkansas.

I also have a little sister that is in eighth grade, I want her to be able to look at me and be able to say that my big sister went to college with her all of her problems. I look at her with great pride when I see all of what she has done.She also has a LD but with help she has managed to accomplish great things.Last year,she got most improved junior high choir member of the year.This sentence isn't necessary. You should be focusing on your accomplishments, not hers. But the most important reason I feel I deserve this scholarship is because I've proven time and time again that I can overcome any obstacle that comes in my path if I put my mind to it.

Hope this helps!

~Genoa
OP thundergirl2014 2 / 3  
Sep 18, 2013   #3
Genoa
Thank you so much this helped a lot! (:
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Oct 2, 2013   #4
I went a little over the words limit so please me what I could do better.

Let's see how I can help you with :)

All of my life I have struggled with a LD (learning disability).I've had people make fun of me for that.I'm out to prove them wrong that I can make something of myself despite of the obstacles that have been thrown in my path.

All my life I struggled with my learning disability(LD) that often got me mocked by others. I want to prove them wrong and I am determined to fight all odds with courage.

.I've had people that have really helped me and supported me thorough out my high-school career.

There were some who really helped and supported me throughout my high-school career.


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