"will be like an adventure to me" - Study abroad scholarship essay, to spain

1) my essay is for a scholarship requires 500 words [which i currently have 686 words]
2)requires for me to say how it will benefit academically, proffesionally and or what are my personal goals.
3)Also why i chose that program 4) i have to write aspitaions & my future plans
please help & i would be more than happy if u tell me ur point of view of it, what im missing, what i can add/remove, grammar,punctuation, anything Thanks:)

Going to Spain would complete one of my goals which is a desire for new experiences, especially having the opportunity to study overseas and explore a different life style. It will be a privilege for me to live in Spain and learn about their culture from an acquired experience and not in a traditional classroom setting. Not only will living in another country allow me to have a great experience but it will also increase my appreciation for cultural diversity. I love the fact that when I live in Spain I will be able to learn and live the Spaniard's culture, like their language, food, life style, music, history and much more. I know that studying abroad in Spain will give me more advantages in my degree since Spain is a country where there is a lot of art that will provide me with more creativity and help me progress in my profession as a graphic designer by inspiring me at my work. Another advantage from studying abroad in Spain is that Spain's main language is Spanish, (the language that is spoken almost worldwide) and living in Spain will improve my Spanish academically which will help me in Spanish skills, opening more opportunities for me in my career in the future.

2nd paragraph) Studying abroad will benefit me personally, by allowing me to become more independent, increase my deep commitment to personal growth and to become comfortable with any environment; although I like to meet new people and strive for new things I would like to familiarize with new environments and people on my own. I currently am the oldest daughter at home followed by two younger siblings leading me to be persistent and be a role model at home by working a part time job to help support the family and work my way through college. Therefore assisting this program will help me have more experience as well as allow me to enjoy, interact and adapt to people with a different culture from mine. This program will also benefit me by allowing me to accustom to different living arrangements and situations.

3rd paragraph) This program of study abroad will be like an adventure to me where I will get to meet a lot of new people and grow to be like a family. Knowing the fact that I will be staying at a family's home will help me built more confidence with other people far from home and will help me grow in my traveling experience. (Not to mention it will profit my profession when in my resume, I state that I have experience traveling and living far away from my personal home.) I have been traveling from a very young age with my parents but never so far away from home, thus now traveling on my own for the first time will allow me to see this experience as an adventure letting me have a memorable time. As a first timer studying overseas will be like a dream come true visiting another country completely different from what I am use to seeing; although I have traveled to different places before, like several different states, my national country, the Dominican Republic, and the Bahamas Island, I believe that living in Spain will be a more amazing experience.

Going to Spain would complete one of my goals which is a desire ---A desire isn't the same as a goal, and desire should not be a goal in this case. :)

I love the fact that when I live in Spain I will be able to learn and live the Spaniard's culture, like their language, food, life style, music, history and much more.

I know that studying abroad in Spain will give me more advantages in my degree since Spain is a country where there is a lot of art ---This sounds a tad juvenile, but rewording it slightly will fix it right up. I'm pretty sure that Spain also has some of the oldest castles in the world too.

... new people and strive for new things I would like to familiarize myself with new environments and people on my own.

Knowing the fact that I will be staying at a family's home will help me build more confidence...

thanks Susan for correcting my essay:) I really appreciate the corrections;)

Study abroad to spain- Student of graphic design

The study abroad program request for the student to , write a concise statement of your proposed program of study and how it will be related to your present academic program. Also, describe the personal benefits you expect to receive from the program, and how you will incorporate this program into your future goals. Include any additional information that may be useful in evaluating your candidacy, including study, travel, or residence in other countries.

Do you think I have met the requirements? Also correct my puntuation, spelling, grammar anything that i can improve my essay.. Thanks

Walking down the streets of Spain to explore a different culture and lifestyle has always been one of my greatest dreams and desires. It would be a great privilege for me to live in Spain and have the opportunity to expand my creativity, to study the language, help me develop my social and cultural knowledge, also as a role model to show the achievements of my goal.

One of the reasons why I aspire to travel to Spain is because I desire to expand my artistic knowledge, as a Graphic Design student. My aim is to learn about the different types of creative or artistic techniques that can be used to help me create visual solutions as a graphic designer. Also I have such an interest and desire to explore everything about the Spanish art-work that many times I have visualized myself walking down the small and wide streets of Spain or down a hall of an art museum simply contemplating the beauty and skillful techniques used by artists to create their unique masterpiece.

Another reason why I am highly excited to be part of this abroad experience is because I am convinced that I will be able to speak, read and write Spanish with greater fluency. Mastering my Spanish skills will allow me to be better equipped to communicate with also Spanish customers and co-workers in the work force. Finally this program will expand my academic and social knowledge by constantly interacting and learning from teachers, students and household members; allowing me to learn to cope with people from different lifestyles, beliefs and perceptions.

Ever since I've been a young girl, I have always strived to be a good role model for my two younger siblings. Being part of this program will greatly allow me to show my younger siblings the importance of dreaming big and to always go after any goal or purpose they have in life. Participating in this program will definitely show my desire and achievements of my future profession.

Use your redundancy to your advantage, so instead of saying "I have visualized myself walking down the small and wide streets of Spain blah blah blah.."

say "thus the next time I'm visualizing small and wide streets of Spain the emotion, the inspiration and the whatever will be real." something like that; ye dig?

You go off on tangents about culture and language, stick to graphic design!! Please? =p

When I applied to study abroad, I also had to write an essay similar to yours. You can talk about your experience in other countries, if you had any. If you didn't, you can include that you want to experience out side the box. I think you have answered the questions, but perhaps you can go a little in depth. I like that your essay begins with imagery. If you heard anything positive from the program you can include that also.

I came to this thread because I saw some great help you gave someone else. Thanks for being a great EF member.

They asked for "concise" so cut all that fluff at the beginning. The essay begins here:
My aim is to learn about the different various types of creative or artistic techniques that can be used to help me create visual solutions as a graphic designer. Also I have such an interest and a desire to explore everything about the Spanish art-work that many times I have visualized myself walking down ...

Nice job, you write beautifully. If you start like this, it will be stronger!
I mean it! Cut those first few sentences. When they say concise, they mean it. :-) Make every sentence powerful.

"You have to explain THIS in a clear way: your proposed program of study and how it will be related to your present academic program."

:-)

you can start like this " I have always dreamed of walking down the street to explore the exquisite culture and lifestyle of Spain."