(major in criminology) asking to write about educational goals

Im not a very good writer so i really need the help.
can someone help me and check to see if i answered the question correct? or if im even close?
It has been a long term goal of mine to major in criminology. Since I was young, I have wanted to make a difference in the lives of others, and knowing that such opportunity is out there for me fills me with joy and pride. I'd love to attain a career that allows me to share and express my passion for justice. I have researched schools that have the courses that I need and desire in order to attain my goal of majoring in criminology. There were various colleges that have the courses I needed, but I decided to apply online to Cerritos College. I'm excited and very committed to participate in everything that will help further my career. I know that I will push myself to the best of my ability to further my educational goals and succeed in my career, I would be really proud to be part of the justice force.

I don't really know what you mean here. You should give a sentence that explains why this is your passion, and not some other pursuit.

I have researched schools that have the courses that I need and desire in order to attain my goal of majoring in criminology. unnecessary

There were various colleges that have the courses I needed, but I decided to apply online to Cerritos College. ---any particular reason?

I'm excited and very committed to participate participating in everything that will help further my career.

They want to know about your goals, so that means you have to do some reading about the various specializations you can have, the various jobs you can have, and even the research that is being done by people getting advanced degrees in your field. When you read some recent books and articles, you will develop opinions about the best kinds of specializations, and you will have some goals.

Why criminal justice instead of medicine, education, business, etc? What are you all about?

Oh thanks, that really helps. I appreciate it.