Scholarship essay- This is what makes me happy.

Scholarship Addendum [limit 250 words]:
The school offers a limited number of competitive scholarships. If you would like to be considered for scholarship support, please describe your leadership potential, accomplishments and/or promise in the following domains:

Hi, Kindly help me to make a strong scholarship essay.
I am exceeding the word limits (Mine is 307:( ) and I have went through some scholarship essays but still could not get an idea how to write one strong essay. I am looking for every kind of constructive feedback. Thank you :)

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My friends ask me how I manage to think about volunteer in the programs for well-being of society, organize community health events when you are practicing as well as studying. I reply because that is what makes me happy and responsible. I believe more the responsibilities we take, more responsible we become.

Dental Surgeon was my career choice while serving humanity is my passion. I feel privileged if I can make a change in lives of other people by helping them to adopt a healthy lifestyle along with working towards preventive measures of diseases in society. Being a dentist allows me to free people of pain and becoming a public health worker will allow me to prevent that pain from occurring at first place. Thinking of this, I took the distance education in health care services while continuing my practice so that I can earn too. Meanwhile, I took the opportunity to organize health camps in my community demonstrating yoga and meditation for people suffering with problems that are common these days like obesity, hypertension and diabetes with professional guidance. We worked in a team of 7 and I was the team leader. With our efforts, we were able to achieve more than 50% of satisfaction level in our participants with decline in sugar level and weight reduction, less fatigue and a healthy lifestyle. Seeing the results, we also attracted participants from different communities and this spurred my confidence. I was acknowledged as a consistent, dedicated, reliable and trustworthy leader by the community members.

Pursuing MPH in **** university will give me experience of professional field training and chance to associate with multiple nonprofit organizations running in the *****City. I have also joined few US based volunteer agencies to learn about diverse culture and to continue on my path to become an asset to healthcare organizations like WHO.

I had some trouble sorting out what you were trying to say. I think you should be more direct. Don't start with what your friends ask. Just answer the questions.

This is what I would write:

I am a dentist and a dental surgeon. I have been practicing for 5 years in (name of city). I enjoy working with my patients to relieve their pain and to help them become better educated about their health so that they can change their habits and live longer, better lives. One of my frustrations as a dentist is that I am often fixing a problem that could have been prevented. I began my studies in public health through distance education while still running my dental practice.

Using what I learned, I have become a leader. I have organized health camps in (name of place) to help people learn better habits. I have helped people with obesity, diabetes, and hypertension learn the right habits to bring these conditions under control. I led a team of 7 that taught the sessions and organized the camps. Even though what I was asking was difficult, we achieved exceptional results. Many of the participants lowered their blood sugar, lost weight, were less tired, and were in better overall health.

Based on these results, I have been invited to do similar health camps in nearby communities. Receiving the scholarship to pay for my studies toward the MPH at (name of university) would allow me to get greater training in public health and to expand my opportunities to work for local nonprofits or for WHO.

Sakshi, since you are already submitting this with the rest of your scholarship application, there is no need to mention it in this essay. The scholarship committee already knows you need the financial aid and I am sure that there is another prompt where they will allow you to discuss the importance of the scholarship to your academic completion.

Now, here is my version of your response statement ( 208 words):

As an oral health practitioner of more than 3 years, I believe that I have displayed ample leadership skills as ...

This can either be the template for your revision or you can use this version as is :-)

Hey Louisa, this seems so much better now. Thanks a lot:)
But yes presently I need not to submit any other scholarship essay along with my application but this scholarship addendum. This I suppose I need to submit along with my personal statement as SOPHAS portal don't allow me to upload any other document other than personal statement. So, what do you say now should I mention about scholarship or this should be ok?

Sakshi, like i said before, you are already submitting this with other scholarship requirements. Therefore, it is obvious that this essay is part of your application documentation. The scholarship committee, as the name implies, already knows you are a candidate for the scholarship, so is everyone else that will be submitting applications to them. Therefore, it is not necessary to constantly remind them of what is always consciously at the back of their minds. They already know you are a scholarship applicant. There is no need to repeat that information.

Remember that the prompt is asking you to discuss one specific topic alone. That of your leadership abilities. That is all that the committee members will be interested in knowing about. Do not deviate from the prompt and most specially, do not beg for the scholarship at the end of your essay. You need to present yourself with dignity and allow your application to speak for you. All of you who apply for the scholarship badly need the financial support. However, it is not how hard to beg for the scholarship that will get you financial aid, what will win it for you will be your credentials and whether or not the committee believes that you have what it takes to stand by what their foundation stands for. Which is why they are asking about specifics like "leadership".

Just give them the information that is being required. Everything else is self explanatory for them and will be judged based upon other factors. Pleading your case won't make a difference. This essay is fine as it is :-)