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Scholarship Essay, what makes me right.

manjot 2 / 30  
Apr 20, 2013   #1
Please be as thorough and cruel as possible. Please rate the quality and convey your valuable opinions on the essay. Please help me get this scholarship

The Prompt :

Please complete a statement outlining how you meet the criteria of the award and how the scholarship will help you achieve your future goals. 400 words 26th April Deadline.

Please briefly outline the qualities and aptitude you will bring to the role of Student Ambassador for the University of Glasgow.
Banana, Orange, and Lemon all knew what they wanted to be, but Apple couldn't decide. The banana said, "When I get out of here I am going to be a banana split". Orange, apparently, wanted to be orange juice.

I pause and glance at the tender, glistening eyes of my students, hoping to discover their reaction to the ridiculous notion of fruits having careers. As the Head of Department and Main English teacher in Prayas, a school that provides inclusive education to impoverished and physically challenged children, I always try to infect my students with my zeal for knowledge. I designed a new curriculum that prioritized speaking and grammar to nurture a strong foundation of vital English skills. I designed this course to cater to the special needs of my peculiar students, reading the newspaper was the usual homework; weekly personal tests measured my students' progress. With an inquisitive approach, I tried to make the education experience riveting, modern and intimate. My upbringing taught me to adore the pursuit of knowledge and share my voracious appetite for knowledge with everyone I associate with. Thus, through rigorous effort, I hope to share my passion for knowledge by fostering education in the underprivileged parts of the globe.

The undergraduate excellence scholarship will provide me the necessary funds to continue summer volunteering at Prayas School . It will enable me to participate and design a mélange of initiatives and projects with the aim of providing an intimate and modern educational experience to hundreds of children from unfortunate backgrounds.

"Seek knowledge from cradle to grave", I have been clinging to this sincere piece of advice by my grandmother ever since I remember embracing a book. From engrossing in books on scientific computing and data structures to perusing the writings of James Joyce or learning about the architecture in medieval Europe, each day brings an opportunity to learn something new simply for the love of learning about it. Education is a progressive discovery; an intellectual journey that turns mirrors into windows. As a student ambassador, my experience in the educational field will help me convey information with a deep compassion to prospective students. I will try to inject enthusiasm and keenness to higher education by divulging some of many idiosyncrasies of the University of Glasgow. A passionate and warm approach with a hint of charisma make me a fitting match for the role of Student Ambassador.

shaddy 17 / 47 7  
Apr 21, 2013   #2
I always try to infect my students with my zeal for knowledge

...I would use 'interact with'...

grammar to nurture a strong foundation of vital English skill

...Instead of strong if we could use only 'foundation' then the sentence would look more meaningful.
OP manjot 2 / 30  
Apr 23, 2013   #3
Thank You for your feedback, Anyone else, please help me

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