Master of Economics - Scholarship statement on choosing the proposed course and institutions

"Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?"

Dear essay forum community, I'm applying one of the most prestigious scholarships and writing 4 series of short statements/essays. First of them is answering "Why did you choose your proposed course and institution?". The other 3 questions are related to effect to the future career, solving challenges and application of learning. Please give me feedback on following statement.

I'm a young professional who is working on the communication side of the central bank of country. Even though I have completed an MBA degree in the UK I have found a great passion for economics while working at the Bank of country, I have learned much about the macroeconomics principle. However, I still need to study further in terms of the core theories of economics and their application to life and policy. Moreover, I need to expand my research skills as well. With the successful completion of the program, I can effectively make a positive impact on monetary policy communication and initiative on the economic education of people.

Many institutions provide master of economic course, yet few of them has a major advantage by research and international paper citation. Universities in the Group of Eight are exceptional by their research paper and faculty members, hence I have decided to choose XX University. It is one of the leading research universities of the country and alma mater to the many notable economists. Previously, I took XX University's Massive Open Online Course and it was one of the most enjoyable learning experiences for me. The program provided by this institution will benefit me by a deep understanding of the economic policy formation, and communicating the policy effectively.

Another institution that has great economic research output is YY University. They have been consistently selected as top 100 universities of the world and capacity to accommodate more than 50,000 students. The university can boost my knowledge in finance to an economic discipline and can give me a great advantage to study in diverse environments. Furthermore, the applied economics program of the university is in line with my interest to study more about economic policy issues. The course structure has a rich subject that covers crucial areas of economic and can trigger long-lasting development for my career.

Thank you very much in advance!

The choice of your proposed course is not very clear in this essay. You are discussing an academic interest of sorts, which does not really provide a strong career related motivation for your choice. How does the specified course relate to your current work requirements? Or perhaps you are seeking career improvements and the course will help you achieve that? Your choice of proposed course must not just be considered because you want to learn more about a specific topic. If your background does not relate to it, then you won't be considered for the slot. How does research relate to your task at work? Why do you need to brush up on your research and information in this field? Explain your motivations further.

The choice of university is just as problematic. You are not really proposing that the university meets your academic requirements. Just because a university is popular in its field doesn't mean it is the right choice. Sure you took an online course, you had fun, that was great. However, the actual university attendance and experience will be far different from the virtual one. So what are the real world reasons you want to attend the university? Popularity and ranking aside, what other reasons, professional and personal, apply to your choice of university?

Reflect more upon the reasons you want to study the course. Think more in specific terms about how the university can help enhance your skills. Try to go into detail so that the reviewer can understand where you are coming from and where you want to go in the future, with the help of this course of study.