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Master of Mgt-Why are the skills and knowledge you describe important to your country development?


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Mar 11, 2019   #1

good management is really needed



Hello,
I am applying the scholarship for Master of Management, please provide your comment on my following essay:

Lao PRD is working with Australia's government to support HRD capacities building as it is one of the priority elements to driven country's development. The government project in Laos lacks management capacities, a limit number of staffs in these sectors have qualification in this area; Thus, we surely need more graduator who have strongly international management qualification.

Most of public and private organization especially government project needs effective management to create direction and drive the organization to achieve the goal by organizes and integrated the resources. Management skill can be applied to various field works. Regarding to my working experience, it requires need especially my works are to coordinate and deal with many people both internal and external, it requires skill and technique on it. Therefore, management are really need and important to my work because makes a difficult task easier, critical thinking by avoiding wastage of time, budget and effort. I would like to be a good role model woman who working with the men in the ministry to show that women can get high promotion if they have strong capacities and work hard on it.

For that reason, I am strongly confident that my qualification in management in XXXXX gives an opportunity to discover my leadership and management skill to make improvement on country's development. I really believe I can be to bring new skill and to apply in real workplace to contribution to my community, as well as at national level.

contentwriter 2 / 3 1  
Mar 12, 2019   #2
capacities (Capacity building is right)

driven country's development (drive is right not driven as per your sentence structure)

a limit number ... qualification in this area

most of the staff is not well qualified to work on these projects (this sounds better)

need more graduator who have ...

you can improve this sentence ("graduates" is right word, "strong" is right) you can say, (the country is in a dire need of graduates who are well equipped educationally and technically to lead these projects) (just a suggestion)

... private organization(s) especially government project(s) needs (this whole sentence is not clear) you should change it it has many other grammatical mistakes such as organizes , integrated do not go with the sentence structure)

Overall the essay needs to be improved, it has many grammatical mistakes, your idea is good but you need to be able to put it on paper effectively. take help from a teacher or friend who has good English grammar. overall the sentence can be improved as well to be more potent.

Good Luck!
Holt [Contributor] - / 7,660 1998  
Mar 14, 2019   #3
Phonevilay, the skills required for proper management leaders in this sector is unclear. The discussion cannot reference general information as you do so in this essay. Rather, it requires that you describe what skills and knowledge you hope to develop and the type of contribution developing those skills can contribute to the development of your country. Focus your response in the government thrust to drive development. Why are there not enough leaders being produced by local colleges and universities in your country? What specific skills are lacking? Think of leadership traits, not communication or human relations traits. We are talking here of why you feel that you have the potential to be trained to be one of the up and coming leaders in your country after you complete this degree. What you have written is actually a non-answer to the question. That means, you provided a response, but not a targeted response to the essay question. That makes your response useless with regards to application considerations.


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