Mastery Choir - QuestBridge National College Match Short Answer

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements or moments and what it says about you.

Mastery Choir

One of my proudest achievements is making it to the top Mastery Choir. This achievement meant some much to me, because it showed that my hard work will allow me to grow as a person. Choir and singing in general have always been some of my favorite activities. Walking into to the choir automatically made my day, if my day was rough I always had choir to look forward to. Despite it being one of my favorite classes there were some times when I struggled. For instance, sightreading, It has always been the hardest thing for me and I despised it because I could not do it well. Even though I did not like it I knew I needed it to be a great singer and student. I worked on it plenty and finally saw some improvement in my junior year of high school. My choir teacher saw my improvement and the work I was putting towards sightreading and she promoted me to Mastery Choir my senior year. I know that a label or a certain class doesn't prove my worth, but to see that my perseverance allowed me to grow has and will continue to change me.

This essay is good in terms of narration. It delivers a strong connection between the accomplishment and the overall development of the applicant. It allows one to feel a sense of perseverance, hard work, and accomplishment that the person had because of the way a single activity helped in several areas of development for the student. However, the essay is one dimensional and lacking in terms of engaging the reader. I realize that this is a character/word limited response but surely the writer can come up with a more lively presentation that would further enhance the experience by engaging the imagination of the reviewer. For example, the writer could open with a specific sight reading situation and then parlay that into the way that choir helped the person overcome reading difficulties. Doing so will better highlight why rising in the ranks of the choir should be considered a major personal accomplishment.