Please any feedback would be much appreciated. Not very concern about grammer at this point, just comment on the context.
"The scholarship essay must be a written response of no more than approximately 500 words to the Presidential Scholarship essay question listed below:
Nearly all of our Presidential Scholarship applicants demonstrate significant involvement in extracurricular activities and have achieved recognition on a variety of levels. Bearing that in mind, please discuss what defining characteristic, distinguished accomplishment or particular aspiration identifies you as a deserving candidate for SLU's Presidential Scholarship. In identifying this unique attribute, please also describe how Saint Louis University in particular complements your ambitions and/or character. "
Determination and leadership are two characteristics that I carry with me in all of my activities and in life. Prior to my freshmen year of high school I had played very competitive soccer and expected to make a high level team in high school, but when I found out I had made the freshmen team I was devastated. On top of that, a week later I was cut from the team I had played with for eight years. It was a period of adversity, but resilience got me through it all. I quickly took on a leadership role on the freshmen team, and the following high school season made the varsity team. As a junior and senior, I became a key player on and off the field. I was twice nominated All-Conference and once nominated All- State. But the most humbling accomplishment was being nominated captain for my senior year. As a freshmen I would have never imagined that I would have come this far. The role of being a captain represented as a whole all of my hard work and dedication. All throughout high school I have demonstrated leadership in the classroom and on the field. An extremely awarding experience happened at this year's soccer banquet. A freshmen's father had introduced himself to me and thanked me because his son looked up to me as a role model.
In my life I am not afraid to be who I truly am. My passions are incorporated into my life instead of just keeping them in my heart. One of my main passions is mathematics. All through out high school I have been in advance math classes and have found an extreme interest in the subject. My junior year I decided to join the math team, even though it was perceived as being nerdy. I absolutely fell in love with it and take pride in being apart of competitive mathematics. This year as a senior I am on my school's official scoring team and currently ranked second in our conference. Even though my friends joke around with me about it, I take pride in who I am and what I do, and they respect me for that. I am very diverse in the activities in my life, which allows me to express myself in various ways. Guitar, sailing, biking, and soccer are all among activities I love, and can be shared with other students.
Saint Louis University would be able to foster my qualities and allow me to grow as an individual. I believe that my character would help the community grow as well. My diverse interest will allow me to interact with a wide variety of students at Saint Louis University. My determination and work ethic would be well suited if I were selected to be apart of the Medical Scholars Program or for any field of studies. Finally, Saint Louis University could compliment my leadership quality by providing me with the tools I need to be leader in my community.
Thanks
"The scholarship essay must be a written response of no more than approximately 500 words to the Presidential Scholarship essay question listed below:
Nearly all of our Presidential Scholarship applicants demonstrate significant involvement in extracurricular activities and have achieved recognition on a variety of levels. Bearing that in mind, please discuss what defining characteristic, distinguished accomplishment or particular aspiration identifies you as a deserving candidate for SLU's Presidential Scholarship. In identifying this unique attribute, please also describe how Saint Louis University in particular complements your ambitions and/or character. "
Determination and leadership are two characteristics that I carry with me in all of my activities and in life. Prior to my freshmen year of high school I had played very competitive soccer and expected to make a high level team in high school, but when I found out I had made the freshmen team I was devastated. On top of that, a week later I was cut from the team I had played with for eight years. It was a period of adversity, but resilience got me through it all. I quickly took on a leadership role on the freshmen team, and the following high school season made the varsity team. As a junior and senior, I became a key player on and off the field. I was twice nominated All-Conference and once nominated All- State. But the most humbling accomplishment was being nominated captain for my senior year. As a freshmen I would have never imagined that I would have come this far. The role of being a captain represented as a whole all of my hard work and dedication. All throughout high school I have demonstrated leadership in the classroom and on the field. An extremely awarding experience happened at this year's soccer banquet. A freshmen's father had introduced himself to me and thanked me because his son looked up to me as a role model.
In my life I am not afraid to be who I truly am. My passions are incorporated into my life instead of just keeping them in my heart. One of my main passions is mathematics. All through out high school I have been in advance math classes and have found an extreme interest in the subject. My junior year I decided to join the math team, even though it was perceived as being nerdy. I absolutely fell in love with it and take pride in being apart of competitive mathematics. This year as a senior I am on my school's official scoring team and currently ranked second in our conference. Even though my friends joke around with me about it, I take pride in who I am and what I do, and they respect me for that. I am very diverse in the activities in my life, which allows me to express myself in various ways. Guitar, sailing, biking, and soccer are all among activities I love, and can be shared with other students.
Saint Louis University would be able to foster my qualities and allow me to grow as an individual. I believe that my character would help the community grow as well. My diverse interest will allow me to interact with a wide variety of students at Saint Louis University. My determination and work ethic would be well suited if I were selected to be apart of the Medical Scholars Program or for any field of studies. Finally, Saint Louis University could compliment my leadership quality by providing me with the tools I need to be leader in my community.
Thanks