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'to be morally right' - the most difficult decisions you ever made


mabankas 1 / -  
Mar 29, 2012   #1
I am applying for a scholarship and was asked to write four essays. Below is the first one i have written i was i hoping to get feedback on this. The essay is suppose to be about a difficult decision i made that demonstrated integrity and commanded respect. The word limit for this is 250 words. I will also need to shorten my essay. Thanks for the help already.

A few months after graduating from the university, I was happy to secure a job and ready to learn. Succeeding at my responsibilities was important to me as I considered this job my first real job and most importantly, I wanted my employers to know they made the right decision. A few weeks into the job, I received a call on my desk phone from an authority figure in the work place. I had to report to his office after the call. This was the first time going into his office and on my way there, I wondered what I might have done wrong.

He dismissed me from his office after he had taken my personal phone number. Confused at what happened, my mind never wondered on the incident. Series of calls and visits to my office to check on me followed after that. The frequency of these events was unusual and the way he related to me had taken an unprofessional path the moment he asked for my escort to a function on a weekend. How do I tell my superior I was not going to come along with him to this function? I couldn't, so I went. It was at this function that he tried to make sexual advances towards me and declared his intentions for a sexual relationship.

News of women facing sexual advances at the workplace is not alien to me but I never thought I will come close to such an experience especially that early in my career. Saying no to such an advance would probably lead to an unfair termination of employment or unfair treatment at the work place which will make life at work unpleasant and unbearable. In such an uncomfortable position, guided by what is i define to be morally right, i decided to say "No!" regardless of what the outcome will be.

maianh94 6 / 18  
Mar 29, 2012   #2
News of women facing sexual advances at the workplace were not alien to me
Succeeding at my responsibilities was important to me as I considered this job my first real job and most importantly, I wanted my employers to know they made the right decision. Run on.

This is pretty good. there are no grammar errors besides some capitalization stuff (like the "i"s near the end of your essay). however, there is no clear conclusion. What happened? Did you lose your job? You're leaving the reader curious and wanting to read more, but there's nothing left to read. To cut down on your essay and include the more important analyzation, summarize less. you could cut down on your interaction with your superior. write more about the diffulculty you experienced as you chose between your job and your pride. That's about all I can give you ^^;;


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