Hi,
I'm thankful if you give me a feedback for my toefl essay;
QUESTION; Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person should never make an important decision alone. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
I agree that a person should not make an important decision alone. The reason is that an important decision may have serious implications for one's life if they are not taken after careful thought. I wish to reinforce my argument by the following reasons;
First, the decision taken on collaborative ideas are generally safer because such decisions include careful evaluations of a set of people. If one person takes a decision on his own, there is a possibility that he or she may not see many sides due to his/her biases or preferences. If this person consults those who can provide him or her with good advice prior to taking the decision, then it is very likely that the decision would not have serious consequences in the future. For example, when I wanted to marry my first boy friend, I asked my family for their permission. My parents liked him; however, they advised me not to take that decision because we have very little compatibility between us. Though it was quite painful, I gave lot of consideration to my parent's advice and decided to stop our affair. He married a girl who has lots of resemblance to my character, but they could not survive their marriage for more than two years. The reason was none other than lack of compatibility between them.
Secondly, you would not have to repent later for your adamant behavior, had you consulted others before taking the decision which is very important for your life. For example, one of my friends found a good job while he was an undergraduate. He alone took the decision of quitting the university and did not inform about his decision to his parents or to the friends. Had he disclosed his idea to others, he may have got a different feedback from them. However, today he suffers for his adamant decision because his decision has hindered him from opportunities for his career advancement. He also repents for not consulting others who could have prevented him from taking this decision which negatively impacted on his life.
It is always better to take the important decision in life very carefully. Therefore, in my conclusion, I stress that important decisions in life should not be taken alone.
That is a good essay you've got there, but why don't u write In addition before the 3rd paragraph
Thanks Rebecca,
Infact I wanted. But I did it within 30 minutes to practice for toefl. I really coudn't add any more. Also I was short of ideas too. Do you have any?
Can I have more feedbacks please?
It is pretty good. but the "first" and "secondly" parts are better be put in a natural way, like "to begin with" or "besides a safer decison, you would not have to... "something like a transition sentence to reinfore the point mentioned before and pose another.
You take a step, but you MAKE a decision.
...if they are not made after careful thought.
If one person makes a decision on his own, there...
...prior to making the decision, then it is very likely ...
...advised me not to make that decision because we have very little compatibility between us. Though it was quite painful, I gave lot of consideration to my parent's advice and decided to stop our affair. ----- sounds like an example of a decision you should NOT let others make with you.
Secondly, you would not have to repent later for your adamant behavior if you consulted others before making the decision, which is very important for your life. ---- good point!!
It is always better to make the important decisions in life very carefully. Therefore, in my conclusion, I stress that important decisions in life should not be made alone.
