Motivation letter for Master's scholarship in data science of Australia Government

Hi everyone,

I am very grateful to have feedback from anyone. I write a motivation letter to apply for a scholarship.
I expected that my essay can be lessons for others too. Thank you so much in advance for your time and tips.

Motivation letter for Australia Government scholarship

My passion for data science started in the first master's when I studied it as part of the intensive database and BI curriculum. I found that data are powerful tools which can help business with analyzing the mass of data and making decisions. Even though I hold 2 Master's degrees, but my undergraduate background is linguistic. The first Master was in Management Information Systems, which studied in databases and structures and not focus more on Big Data. The second one is directly in Big Data Analytics, since the UK curriculum is only a one year course, I do not think it is enough to pursue a Ph.D., so I applied for this course to have adequate knowledge to study in the higher level and professional careers. For this reason, I would like to continue my next degree at the (University name A).

Throughout my years of study at prominent educational institutions in the UK, I have proved an outstanding level of academic performance and have shown particular strength in social science study that requires analytical and speculative methods. For my Master's dissertation, I studied in the topic "Mental Health Effects of the Fukushima Nuclear Power Plant Disaster to explore the effect of people after the nuclear plant disaster" that how the people affect their mind and work. Also, how many people's lifestyles have changed from before. My thesis, according to my advisor who has expertise in data science many years in the UK and USA.

In addition to my solid academic background, I have experience working with various Japanese companies where I have gained skills in data analysis, the performance of leasing revenue, database and reporting techniques, and management experiences. For instance, at Digital Media Asia Pacific (Toyota Affiliate Company), I worked closely with the Marketing and Sales Department to predict showcases client's performance reports and provides it to help the CEO to decisions in business with various datasets such as .csv, .xlsx, graph and I still have to develop processes for transformation, migration of data from the different data sources to the data warehouse by Oracle OWB. After that, at Tri Petch Isuzu leasing, I assigned to design ER diagram and verify the data required of the end user in order to generate the report per end user request. Furthermore, with the SAS BI project, I joined to study the concepts of ETL, analysis of variance, and models design which was used to relate the factors considered, analyze the differences among the different user requirements and finally perform on the dashboard. At the (University name A), I was eager to learn more in the course of Machine Learning and in-depth financial analysis, which when I was studying in the UK I didn't learn much about it. Moreover, when I found (Researcher name)'s research on 'Machine Learning for Extreme Event Detection'. The research that (Researcher name) has done is very similar to that of my interest. I would also like to study how the future climate in the Asia Pacific region will change as a result of global warming. I wanted to predict the locations of frequent storm attacks, critical damage locations, and data streams using machine learning approaches. I expect this research to be able to calculate storm paths, determine the duration of storms most frequently to strike, and use machine learning techniques to find out where the storm is most likely to have a major impact around the Asia Pacific.

With these experiences, I am satisfied I can provide the best assistance to your research area. Moreover, the reputation of high-quality education standards and faculty members are the main factors that have encouraged me to apply for this scholarship. Finally, I desire to catch up on my dream to be a professional in data analyst that will benefit many people. Completing this degree should provide the experience for me to achieve my aspirations.

The first paragraph can be modified to provide a more motivational academic reason for your studies. The passion should come from a clearer statement of your academic interest in studying another course. You already seem overqualified for the scholarship / study sponsorship because you have studied several courses already. It makes you appear to be a professional student who makes a living by simply applying for scholarship grants and continuing to study, even though it is no longer necessary. You need to justify how your motivation prevents you from being a professional student.

You do not need to enumerate where you have worked. You need to explain how these work experiences motivated a professional interest in the course you have chosen. The reviewer is not going to consider the companies you interned at. He will consider how long you have worked in a formal position and how that might have motivated further studies for you. In truth, the essay is not strong and is instead questionable due to the over qualifications you are presenting based on your educational background.