National Talent Search Examination - Experience of Lifetime - NTU Scholarship

Hello, this is my scholarship essay for NTU. Please feel free to edit/ comment on how I should change it.
Topic: Describe, in less than 300 words, a short essay on a subject of personal importance to you. You may choose any topic. Examples include: an event which has influenced you or a family member/friend/person who had a significant influence on you.

INFLUENCING EXPERIENCE

Completing my 10th class with a perfect 10 CGPA certainly was a very pleasing and confidence generating result but my most satisfying academic achievement till now has been qualifying National Talent Search Examination (NTSE) in year 2014-15 conducted by National Council of Educational Research and Training (NCERT). NTSE is considered to be the most difficult and most prestigious exam at secondary level in India. Every year around 4,50,000 students appear for NTSE but only 750 students finally qualify the exam. Being in the national merit list of NTSE was certainly a morale booster for me which consolidated my belief in my hard work and sincerity and dedication towards my work.

I was felicitated by my school for qualifying NTSE and then it dawned upon me that it was not only my individual success but the entire school was feeling itself a very integral part of this achievement. The queries of my immediate junior classmates about how to prepare for the next year's NTSE made me realize that your personal success unknowingly to yourself make you a role model for other and gears them to emulate your achievement. I have now realized that it is not the student that benefits from a school/college by way of learning but the achievements of a student also enhances the reputation of the institution.

Aayush, this is a very interesting essay because the reviewer will not be familiar with this merit system for academics in India. Therefore, the way that you tell the story of the accomplishment will serve to build your academic image with the reviewer. However, aside from telling the reviewer about your GPA, why don't you also tell him about any apprehensions that you had prior to taking the NTSE? That way, you come across as a typical student worried about his academic accomplishments and his ability to perform well in such an important test. It is important to show that due to your apprehensions about your possible performance on the exam, the results were of particular interest to you on a personal level. That way, you show the reviewer that you had 2 lessons to learn from this experience. A personal and a public lesson in importance. The essay has the potential to become better if you add the information I suggested. You might need to revise a portion of the essay to make it work but I assure you, it will be worth the editing trouble.

@Holt
Thank you for your valuable insight

Merged:

Exceptional Achievement - NTU Scholarship

TOPIC : Describe, in less than 300 words, an exceptional achievement that highlights your academic and CCA interests that would be of value to the NTU community.

My most satisfying academic achievement till now has been qualifying National Talent Search Examination (NTSE) in year 2014-15 conducted by National Council of Educational Research and Training (NCERT). NTSE considered to be a difficult and the most prestigious exam at secondary level in India, around 5,00,000 students appear for it but only 775 students finally qualify the exam. NTSE is a two tier exam with 1st stage being conducted at state level and 2nd stage at national level. Securing 1st rank in state in 1st stage and being in the national merit list of NTSE 2nd stage was certainly a morale booster for me and consolidated my belief in hard work and instilled self-confidence.

I was felicitated by my school for qualifying NTSE and then it dawned upon me that it was not only my individual success but the entire school was feeling itself a very integral part of this achievement. The queries of my immediate junior classmates about how to prepare for the next year's NTSE made me realize that your personal success, unknowingly to yourself, makes you a role model for other people and stirs them to emulate your achievement. I have now realized that it is not the student that benefits from a school/college by way of learning but the achievements of a student also enhances the reputation of the institution.

Apart from pursuing an undergraduate course in Computer Science, I am looking forward to get myself involved in a challenging research project at the university where I may get a chance to work with the brightest minds in the university and develop an in-depth understanding of the subject being pursued by me and also gather insight as to how the university - industry collaboration promotes innovation.

Please feel free to edit. Every kind of criticism is welcomed.

Aayush, I notice that you have started a thread already on this same NTU application. In this forum, to achieve a progressive review of your post, you need to keep posting a revised draft in the same thread where its review started. Having said that, I wish to commend your NTSE experience. However, you did not really make a strong case with that experience. It is really nice that your 1st and 2nd paragraphs revolve round the NTSE experience, it shows that you have an idea of how to make your essay to tell a story. But for your story to turn out fine, you need to organize your points. You do not need to start describing NTSE scheme as you did in paragraph one. Use those words to describe how you prepared for the exam, what you found to be particularly challenging, and how you conquered the challenge to secure 1st rank in the state.

The prompt also requests you to make reference to your CCA interest. In Singapore, CCA (Co-curricular activity) is an integral part of their educational system. So, if you have any experience with CCA otherwise known as extracurricular activity, you might want to describe it especially if it would add more value to NTU community than your NTSE stuff. If not, continue the use of your NTSE experience but develop the points so as to enhance coherence while telling your story. You are doing great already. You just need to make it better.