Networking is one of my personality traits... Applying for first scholarship to Chevening

Hi my name is Malek, this is the first scholarship I've ever applied for.
so I would really appreciate any help.

Q: Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession. Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your networking skills, and outline how you hope to use these skills in the future.

my answer:

Networking is marketing, networking is one of my personality traits, I have a career life over thirteen years most of it was in sales and marketing, and the core of sales and marketing is networking, I have worked in many companies with different types of products and clients, moreover I have worked locally in Palestine & internationally in Johannesburg South Africa which drive to start a different type of networking and I did...

Since four years I have been employed in Palestine Polytechnic University, where I have to build a new networks, then I do networking with professors, colleagues, students, university clients, NGO's like The United States Agency for International Development (USAID), American Middle-East Education and Training Services (AMIDEAST), International Youth Foundation (IYF), Deutsche Gesellschaft für Internationale Zusammenarbeit (GIZ), International Labor Organization (ILO), and different ministries in Palestinian.

I think I have the type of networking especially on the academic level that will facilitate my engagement with the Chevening community, moreover winning chevening award will expand my networking with other colleagues and lecturers in the field of Occupational Health and safety which I chose.

Malek, this essay is similar to a college definition essay and nothing more. It does not reflect the criteria by which a future Chevening scholar is appraised and judged by the reviewer. It is not enough to merely say that you have a talent for networking and that it is a personality trait of yours. You need to be able to prove those claims. No, simply mentioning the companies you worked for and claiming that it helped you build your network is not sufficient enough to support your claim either.

What can make your essay stronger will be the presentation of supporting evidence along with your claims. Basically, you need to show the reviewer how you developed a network at these offices and how you utilized them for your or your organization's benefit. The ability to network is something important to your application because as an alumna of the foundation, you will be expected to use your network contacts, past, present, and future, to help the other scholarship awardees in the future.

You can create a timeline for the contacts that you made. Explain why it was necessary to create that network, how you fostered it, and how you keep that network contact alive and productive today. Every little idea regarding how you function within a network setting will help to create the strong message that your essay requires.

Hi Holt,
Many thanks for your Advice,
i appreciate your comments and working on enhancing the essay, taking in consideration the little ideas as you advised.
i will be back very soon.
Best Regards

Malek Salhab

Hi Holt,
i am back again with another try, hope this time i am close to what is required.
i will appreciate your patience in reviewing and advising.
regards

Networking is marketing, networking is one of my personality traits, I have a career life over thirteen years most of it was in sales and marketing, and the core of sales and marketing is networking, I have created hundreds of networks over my career life.

My first employments was in an advertisement agency as Sales & Marketing representative, the agency offered all the designing services including brochures, fliers, posters, visit cards & more,

This type of work basically based on networking, as more networks means more clients & work, so I was doing a lot of field visits to local companies, shops, clinics & any potential customer who require advertising services to make and close orders, then to make better profits I should print my collected orders in a low prices printing house, this required from me to search & network with many printing houses for my different products.

From this job I established a huge number of networks with different types of customers, suppliers in different social and economic sectors which I benefit from it through my coming career life.

Then I moved to another company which produce packaging boxes, I employed as a graphic designer and a color separator, in this vacancy I networked with many graphic designers from other companies in the purpose of exchanging ideas and techniques.

Also in this job I did a lot of networking with customers from industrial sectors who got factories that produces at mass.

The third employment also in sales and marketing home appliances & gas fittings in a company which was importing its products from China & Turkey, most of my work was in the field, daily networking with wholesalers, retailers & distributors of home appliances & gas fittings occurred, I have to search, network & foster the relations with the new customers as to increases sales & company income.

Fourth employment was in sales & marketing of baby diapers, this employment was on national level in Palestine and international level in Johannesburg South Africa, firstly on the national level after conducting market research about this product, my role was to search for international suppliers & manufacturers, I travelled to Turkey, then networked with a supplier and imported from him, moreover I have networked with another supplier to import from him in case of emergencies.

In Sales Penetration strategy used means targeting the whole market, from groceries, shopping malls, baby stuff shops, kindergartens, pharmacies & obstetrics Hospitals, this employment increased my networks to the limit locally & internationally, but at the international level I established a lot of networking with different customers from different races and groups, Whites, Blacks, Hindus, Indians, Portuguese, Bangladeshi, Egyptians.

After I returned back from South Africa, I employed in Palestine Polytechnic University as financial & administrative assistant in Center of Entrepreneurship & Career Development (CECD), this center funded by USAID in the purpose of supporting alumni with soft skills needed for labor market & providing internships opportunities, in this position the fruits of my previous networking arise by facilitating the internships for the university alumni in the labor market.

At (CECD) I did networks with students, alumni, who I utilized then in my current position in The Palestinian National Center of Occupational Safety, Health and Environmental Protection (COSHEP), as prospect participants in the training coursed and diplomas we offered.

I think I have the type of networking skills both on academic & business levels that will facilitate my engagement with the Chevening community and influence and lead others in their chosen profession through a good experience with what is required in our market, moreover winning chevening award will expand my networking with other colleagues and lecturers in the field of Occupational Health and safety which I chose to study in the UK.

Malek, let's try to clean up your opening statement. I would say something like:
I have worked in the field of sales for over 13 years. Throughout this time, I have learned an important lesson: Marketing is networking and networking is marketing. Without a strong network of people backing my sales activity, I would never have been able to successfully market myself and my product. In order to understand my mindset, let's go back 13 years, to when I first began my career.

The networking information that you set up for the reviewer is quite admirable. It shows a career progression based upon the skills that you gained via the influence of marketing. It would seem that each step you took was a step created by new knowledge or contacts you gained through your marketing skills. In order to create a better sense of this concept, You should use transition sentences at the end of each paragraph that will slowly introduce the reader to the next step in your career based upon your network. For example, you can transition the first paragraph to the second by saying:

I realized that there was a need for my sales and marketing clients to have access to more and even better products than what I was offering them. Wanting to keep my contacts happy and satisfied, I decided that it was time I took on more responsibility in my career. This led to my utilizing my contacts to gain work in the field of ...

Then you can present the information about selling boxes and stuff in the next paragraph. Keep doing this through the essay and I believe we will be looking at a final edit of the work sooner, rather than later.

@Holt
thanks a lot
be back very soon

Hi Holt,
its 663 words, i exceeded the limit of 500, is it fine?

Malek, you won't be able to submit your essay if it is more than 500 words. The system won't let you.
Therefore, you should shorten your essay.

Good luck!

Hello, Malek, I have read Holt comments of the essay and the analysis he made , it is enough for your to revise the essay and answer the question.

what I want so say is that sticking to the number of words is something very crucial for the viewer when he reads your essay.

I have read my articles on different websites whether for scholarship or university admission, they always check the number of words to make sure if abide by the rules.

Good luck

Malek, you provided your resume in the essay. That is why you are extremely over the word count. You don't need to go back eight years and explain about each and every employment that you had. All you have to do is summarize how you developed your network and how you used that network to your advance over a period of time. Do not make it a resume. Overview and summary work will suffice in this instance.

Let me see if I can explain how to write this essay to you in a simpler way. You don't have to tell the reviewer about all the jobs that you had. You were on the right track when you explained your concept of networking. However, all you had to do after that was explain the kind of network that you developed over the years. Deliver information about how you were able to use that network to improve your career through the years thanks to that network. Keep the information and presentation simple. It need not be too informative or overly complicated. Right now, this essay needs to be revised for content, which, after you summarize most of the content, should make the essay come in under 500 words.

@Malek
thanks dears for advising
hope this time i am so close to the right essay

I have worked in the field of sales and marketing for over 8 years. Throughout this time...

Malek, I guess this will have to do. Please write a paragraph referring to how you will be utilizing the Chevening network upon your graduation and also, how you plan to share your personal network with Chevening and its alumna or future scholars. Remember, your essay should reflect the fact that you are capable of creating usable networks that you can manage to maintain over the years for the benefit of all concerned. Try to develop a clear example of how you were able to use these contacts that you have made throughout the years in your line of work. Offer solid examples and not just a summary of how the network helped your career. Try to limit your network presentation to only the top 2. The most important and , if possible, recent ones that you feel can impress the reviewer to learn about.