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NTU Scholarship Essay - Personal Importance - Belief systems



Exceptional 1 / 2  
Dec 18, 2022   #1
Thank you for kindly reviewing my essay.
It's actually a 300 word limit essay but after writing, figured it rounded off to 400 words..
I don't know what to take out anymore.
Don't know if I'll be penalized.
Deadline is close and I'm considering submitting it that way.
Any advice or help?
Thank you.

BELIEF SYSTEMS



As my life unfolds in varying phases, I have come to realize that we all view the world through the lens of our experiences, lenses unique to us-a mental depiction of our ever-evolving perceptions stemming from the collective conception of all our beliefs.

The quality of our beliefs, derived from our experiences and external factors such as society, culture, religion, et cetera, shapes our worldview, be it optimistic or pessimistic, which consequently sets the stage for the progression, circumspection, or retrogression of various aspects of our lives.

Growing up in a pessimistic society had a negative impact on my belief system, as the prevalent belief for attaining success is mostly tied to the measure of one's wealth, status, or network, downplaying intellectualism and creativity and preventing the poor from ascending the social ladder.

Realizing the status quo and my precarious socioeconomic standing, my view was constrained from conceptualizing the possibility of my success; as Dr. Myles Munro so elegantly puts it, "we cannot truly live beyond the confinement of our beliefs." Relinquishing hope, I settled for mediocrity.

However, the turning point in my life began in middle school, as I witnessed the cost of my education skyrocket and watched my parents fight tooth and nail to pay dearly for it. Being fully aware of the weight of their sacrifice, it cut right to my heart to know that I wasn't performing well academically, not balancing the scale as it ought to be from my end.

This realization impelled me to challenge the precise ideologies underlying my subpar performances, which prompted me to adopt new and more productive ways of thinking, resulting in a shift in my paradigm to an upbeat perspective. Embracing this new frame of mind, I resolved to push past the confinement of mediocrity I had imposed on myself.

Motivated, I nurtured discipline as a habit, which I extensively implored in my studies, pulling multiple all-nighters, which did pay off with me topping the class all through my high school years and eventually

emerging as the best graduating student overall.
This was a defining moment in my life as I came to appreciate the significance of beliefs and their influence on our behavior, which in turn determines our destination.

One could almost say that our lives will inevitably play out in the direction of our beliefs, for what we believe, we most likely become.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15393  
Dec 18, 2022   #2
There is no penalty for over writing but, since this will be submitted online, the text box will cut it off at the 300 mark. The result will be an incomplete essay submission which will not help your application.

The problem is that you have taken a long winded approach to writing. Be direct with your statements. There is no need for extra long, over descriptive, and over pondered thoughts in the statement. Simply removing the first 2 paragraphs will already help with that. Kicking everything off at paragraph 3, then reworking the rest of the paragraphs will allow you to come in under or at the maximum word count.

The content is good, but the presentation needs to be shortened so that the screener gets the information he needs sooner. He is not want to read an over extended essay. He does not have the time for it.
bvalkyrianzz 3 / 5  
Dec 18, 2022   #3
Beware of the negative sentences you put in your presentation. Remember that an essay is a descriptive interview, a time to highlight your qualities, achievements and show why you should be chosen.


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