Essay Scholarship (NZAID) - Study Relevance

Hi all I need correction for my essay below. I'm going to apply NZAID scholarship with E-Government major. Kindly give your detail comment. Thank you :)

1. What skills and knowledge do you hope to gain from your study program?

My knowledges in E-Government and ICT are still limited, therefore I choose Master of E-Government program in Victoria University of Wellington because it will certainly equip me with concepts, framework and strategies in designing an effective e-government system.

In details, assisted by Dr Wonhyuk Cho, this program will help me to improve my research skills of smart-city initiatives and e-government transformation, which Indonesia is still fighting to transform 400 cities into smart cities. Moreover, with other great academics, this program will also increase my knowledge in public engagement and information system management.

Furthermore, this program is a great choice because to examine the understanding of several techniques, there are practical courses available that can help me to create imagination about how if the new policies are applied in citizens current situation, including how social media plays an important role for socializing tool and how to solve problems that might occur. Thus, I can get the socio-technical skills such as, digital competency and problem-solving ability that will be useful for creating a robust e-government even after leadership changes occur.

One at a time.

Since you are applying for a scholarship, you need to be a bit more detailed when explaining the skills and knowledge you hope to gain from the program. Remember that the reviewer will not be highly familiar with the university you are interested in attending and the program of education that you will potentially be undertaking. So a expanding the explanation to include specific courses, as they apply to your professional interests are in order. Try to use only subject names instead of professor names. The reason is that the scholarship reviewer will not know who this professor is and thus, not be dutifully impressed by your interest in attending his class. It is more about what you can get out of the theoretical and practical training that you should be discussing instead of professor specifics. Overall, this is a good draft. You just need to expand on the content to make it more informative for the reviewer.