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Organisation needs, professional experience and education background - course and institution choice

Treasa 1 / 2 1  
Mar 22, 2016   #1
How did you choose your proposed course and institution?

There are criteria enabling me to appropriately choose my proposed course: organisation needs, my professional experience, and my education background. In terms of organisation needs, I consider my office performance mainly rely on how we introduce effective policies and manage our relationship with other government ministries in order to improve assets management in India. Since my organisation plays an important role as a state asset manager and a key factor to encourage the development of infrastructure in India, I have chosen Governance and Public Policy with specialization in improving/supplying public goods/infrastructure as the appropriate course. I am certain that my proposed course will challenge me to make higher contribution to organisation in maintaining fiscal stability in general and achieving sustainable development through infrastructure development. According to my proposed institution, there are large number of high reputation universities in Australia that offer Public Policy course. From those universities, I have chosen The University of Queensland and Monash University because they have relevant subjects which are in line with my current duty and my undergraduate degree. In addition, they are one of Australia's leading universities in teaching, research, and also providing excellent learning facilities that will aim to improve a strong foundation in knowledge, insights, and skills in the practice of Public Policy.

Readers, could you please help me to criticize or give me some advice about my essay? Thanks for your help, guys!
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Mar 23, 2016   #2
Hi Treas, I suppose you are not planning to pursue the same office job after your course or are you? You need to be specific here, firstly how and why you chose this course? Your organization has the aim of :

....a state .............infrastructure in....
Is it your own organization ? If not then making your organization as the reason here wont be suited. You need to show your specific interest in this area. Even if your organization has this role but what you are supposed to do?? What is your aim to pursue the desired studies? Write about your own choice and your own interests , how will you use the study in Australia to benefit yourself. What are the factors or intentions to pursue this course? And why this university, of course if you are pursuing in an international university then it must be one of the leading schools but why this school? What are they offering you for your study plan? What are the skills and projects they are focused on which will help you in your future. I will suggest you to elaborate on specificity of you reasons. Hope this helps. Will look forward to your new revision and let me know if there is any word limit? Good luck :)
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Mar 23, 2016   #3
Hi Treasa, I hope to give some critical inputs in your essay by sharing what I think is a needed correction, please find below;

- There are criterias that enabledenabling me
- relying on how we
- SinceAs my organiz ation
- to the organiz ation
- there areis a large number
- of highly reputablereputation universities in
- From thosethis universities,

There you have it Treasa, as you can see, there's not much to modify in your essay as this is fairly written, it has contents that is focused on addressing the prompt and that's exactly what makes this essay a good one. You also manage to point out the reasons behind your action, the act of choosing such course and university, I'm simply saying that you have a clear idea on what to do and your goals have steps on how it is going to be attained and I wish you will be able to make it.
OP Treasa 1 / 2 1  
Apr 10, 2016   #4
Hi, Ssakshijain! I am glad to receive your comments and advice. Thank you very much for that and sorry for the late response because it's quite hard to elaborate as you suggested. Anw, before I post my revised essay, let me explain why I write this essay. Well, it is one of the questions in AAS application form which has to done by the end of this month. According to word limit, yes there is word limit, approx 2000 characters max (space is counted). And yup, I work for one of government agencies and infrastructure management is my division. By considering my current working status, I have to make contribution to my organisation through this scholarship. So after finishing my study, it is a mandatory for us who work for government agencies to go back to our institutions. So, here is my revised essay. I will be glad if I can ask your time to read and give your comments about my writting progress.

As stated in the 5-year-medium-term-plans, the Indian government has increased its focus on infrastructure development. Since India is a developing country with limited resources, the government needs to invite private sectors to be part of infrastructure development through Public-Private Partnerships. However, in order for the private sectors to join in, the legal and management frameworks of asset is required and infrastructure planning need to be clear first before acquiring infrastructure. Since I have been 5 years working in the field of asset management, one of difficulties of asset management framework to develop infrastructure in India is infrastructure planning. As infrastructure planning is the most decisive part of infrastructure development, I have concerned to learn infrastructure planning. By taking the coursework of Master of Public Policy with a specialization in infrastructure planning, it is highly expected to give me opportunities to deepen my understanding and skills of the theory and practice of Public Policy related to infrastructure asset management that I obtained from Australia because Australia is a good example to learn it. I am sure that my enhanced knowledge will contribute directly to my organisation to develop and strengthen its role as an asset manager. According to my proposed institution, Australia has a good education system proved by large number Australian universities are ranked in the World's University Rankings. From those universities, I have decided Monash University and The University of Queensland to attend this appropriate coursework because they offered curriculum that I need. They are also the member of the group of 8 Australian Universities which has a commitment to excellence their education quality, such as building international connections with universities and research organisations worldwide. I believe that the more useful and powerful connections we can make, the greater our impact will be.

After reading that essay, is it easy to understand? and what do you think (too detailed/too general/too boring/too many unimportant words/statement? I look forward to your comments. Many thanks!
OP Treasa 1 / 2 1  
Apr 10, 2016   #5
Hello @justivy03! Nice input and many thanks for it. Anw, I have posted my new revision. So if you don't mind, it is my pleasure to read your input once again. Will look forward to receiving your comments. Thank you!
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Apr 11, 2016   #6
Hi Treasa, upon logging on to the website, I always make sure that I visit the notes I made in helping revise your essay and everybody else's and it's always a joy reading your feedback, this gives us the strength to continue what we do best, helping and educating those who need it the most.

Moreover, the essays you wrote are very challenging, the prompt given are not the ordinary ones and coming up with a direct to the point and reasonable essay is quiet hard to come by, I do hope to see more of your writing here on EF and please tell everyone you know, about this website. It's always interesting to welcome new writers and future educators of the EF family.

For future reference Treasa, make sure that you keep the same outright approach to the prompt, keep the presentation of your idea in a uniform manner and note that all necessary information are in there right position in the transition of your essay. Once again, thank you for appreciating our work and we hope to serve you better each time.
Ssakshijain 28 / 146 87  
Apr 11, 2016   #7
Hey Treasa, your effort and time is clearly being portrayed in this essay. I can easily understand your motive and passion behind your course of study. Minor corrections from my side:

..........., I am concerned .... planning. Master of ...........planning, will give me opportunities ......... management. that .... learn it ( I do not think there is need to write this phrase. Keep the sentences short and simple. ). I am sure.......proposed institution (Which institution?), Australia has a .... system that has been ranked in the World's University Rankings. ....., ..Monash University ...... Queensland(Ok, you are applying to two universities, but are you going to apply separately or there is a common application for both? )

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