The passion for excellence is a value that I exemplify and uphold the most. NTU Scholarship

NTU Scholarship Essay (Values and Beliefs)

Please help me proofread my essay. I would appreciate it if you take the time to read and critique it. The essay is just short and the main theme is excellence. Prompt is below in bold.

Describe, in less than 300 words, the values and beliefs you hold strongly to. Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions.

Having won a lot of competitions through the years, I believe that passion for excellence is a value that I exemplify and uphold the most.

Back in Grade 10, my teachers from different subject areas would approach me and tell me that I was chosen to represent the school for a competition. I was seen as the jack-of-all-trades by my peers and classmates. I joined all sorts of contests that time and won in some of them. However, I was not satisfied. On my part, I had to make compromises like partitioning small amounts of time to prepare for all contests, which certainly was not effective. I wanted my name to carry prestige and in order to do that, I had to stop making compromises and focus on what I do best to win.

I know that my strengths mainly fall on the sciences, especially chemistry and mathematics. Personally, excellence is not just about being above average at everything; it is about being on top of what you excel at. In this competitive world, it is important to be superior compared to everyone else. Hence, I decided to narrow my focus on the sciences and aim for the top in any given opportunity. Compared to my performance in Grade 10, I observed that I performed better and won awards after every contest. I did not regret sacrificing a few contests for the sake of avoiding compromises to uphold the excellence I am known for.

Once I enter NTU, I will continue to demonstrate my passion for excellence and use it to set an example for others to follow. As a scholar, I will bring this culture of excellence in the campus and maintain the highest standards of prestige that the university is known for.

Lorems, your passion for excellence is not clearly explained in this essay. As a student, you are not supposed to have a passion for excellence in only one subject. You must have a passion for excellence in your studies overall. That is because, being passionate about science is not the same as being passionate about your studies. Excelling in only one subject indicates that you will not be doing very well in all the supporting subjects. That is not the image you want to portray as a scholarship applicant. A scholar is expected to meet an overall grade requirement every semester, it isn't just about hitting the mark in the subject of interest to you. Therefore, your passion for excellence centered on only one subject is not necessarily the best way to portray your values of beliefs.

For this type of essay, I would use something more along the lines of academic integrity as a value and belief system since college students are required to take an academic oath. Or maybe I would discuss my belief that if I am good at something , like say science competitions, then I must be the best at it. I would have to do my best to get ahead and perform well in order to become number one.

While your essay touches on some of the aforementioned points, the problem is that while explaining how you want to become the best and how you achieved it, you gave the impression that you do not work as hard on other aspects of academic excellence and that, could be the biggest problem for your application essay.