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PBWC- FUTURE GOALS, HARDSHIPS, LEADERSHIP, and FUNDING



tanyasilva11 10 / 38  
Mar 3, 2011   #1
As a Political Science major with a double minor in International Relations and Women's Studies I hope to explore various remedies to situations haunting societies all over the world. My major in Political Science will allow me to continue on to law school, become a lawyer, and someday become the CEO of my own law firm. I hope to use the knowledge and skills obtained in the classroom to help people lead a better life. A background in International Relations can give me the tools necessary to make educated decisions and arguments in the international community. Alongside and after my career in law, I would like to hold a position in the United Nations. I would like to advocate for the families worldwide that live in a constant state of fear and worry due to poverty, economic, and political issues in their country. My purpose is to lend a voice to the voiceless and help the helpless. I believe that people have the right to feel safe and have food, shelter and warmth. My hope is that someday I will be able to provide a scared mother or starving child the ability to live in this world without fear.

I had a very unstable start to high school. My parents had many financial issues which caused them to file bankruptcy, further leading to many sleepless nights listening to my parents arguing. On top of that, my family and I were continuously fighting to end my father's problems with drugs and alcohol. None of that has changed yet, but I believe I have. I learned to move past the problems in my life and focus on my education and the things that make me happy. The problems at home increased my drive to go to college and pushes me to become more involved in my school and community.

Leadership is the ability to take responsibility and set a good example for the people around you. It is the ability to stand up for something you believe in, and support it so strongly that you will excite other people in wanting to help you. Leadership means not giving up on yourself or the people you lead because they are counting on you. Throughout high school I have demonstrated leadership through being the president of numerous clubs on campus, such as: American Red Cross Club, Golden Girls Club, and United States Children's Fund (UNICEF) Club. I have organized many events, my favorite being the UNICEF Hunger Banquet in which we raised awareness about the issues of malnutrition in third world countries and raised almost $500 for UNICEF International. I have also been the leader of my own life, socially and academically. Freshman year of high school was the climax of my problems at home; we had just lost our house and everyday was a new problem to overcome. These issues had taken their toll on me through my lackluster grades, my responsible choice of friends, and my rebellious behavior on campus. As sophomore year came around I realized I needed to make a change; I enrolled myself in harder classes and eventually got into the Honors/AP/IB Program. I started playing lacrosse for the Serrano Hawks Club team and my school's JV Girl's Lacrosse team. I became committed to my schoolwork, my sport, and my new group of friends. I was leading a much different lifestyle and I am proud of the choices I made to turn my life around. However, I do not regret the mistakes I made freshman year because I believe they taught me to be a stronger person and learn from my mistakes. I believe I am a worthy recipient of the Professional Businesswomen of California scholarship because I take pride in being a strong, driven young woman who has overcome many obstacles in order to become a successful high school student.

Although some of the problems at home are beginning to dissipate, our financial issues are only getting worse. In December 2010 my family lost our business, so now only my mother's job as a nanny is supporting our family of five. With my sister and I both attending college next year my parents cannot afford to pay the tuition; therefore, the main method for funding my college education is through scholarships, grants, and loans. I hope scholarships and grants will cover most of my tuition because I do not want to graduate college in debt with student loans. I have worked too hard to give up now and hope that the Professional Businesswomen of California scholarship will make this journey a little easier.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Mar 9, 2011   #2
... various remedies to situations haunting societies all over the world.----I think it will be more effective to say something more specific right here.

My major in Political Science will allow me to continue on to law school, become a lawyer, and someday become the CEO of my own law firm. Too vague, too simplistic. This is an underdeveloped vision of the future.

I hope to use the knowledge and skills obtained in the classroom to help people lead a better life ---vague!

A background in International Relations can give me the tools necessary to make educated decisions and arguments in the international community. obvious!

CEO, UN... high aspirations, but no specific intellectual interests, no mention of issues you want to change.

Leadership is the ability to take responsibility and set a good example for the people around you.-----I have heard it defined as the way of achieving organizational goals through the direction of human assistants.

I hope scholarships and grants will cover most of my tuition because I do not want to graduate college in debt with student loans. nobody wants debt, but... wel, you know. Let's not include this sentence.

Okay, bottom line, this lacks substance. It seems like you are just mentioning all the high aspirations you can think of. But with pol. sci. and law as your interests, surely you must be reading some books and articles recently published. You can cite these books and express YOUR philosophy of law, YOUR philosophy of IR. But if you do not know what I mean by that, you need to read some more books and articles. I'm sorry to be critical! You write very well, so I think if you just get some more raw material in the form of things to read, you will be able to get very specific with your goals. Pretend you are already a Phd and you are campaigning for office. What specific goals would you express?


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