People w good networking skills are able to approach the right person for their benefit [Chevening]

My essay for networking question. Any feedback is appreciated.

Thank you!

Chevening is looking for individuals with strong networking skills, who will engage with the Chevening community and influence ...

Relationships are established between people who have common interests, passions or goals. People with good networking skills are able to approach the right person for their benefit, but people with great networking skills seek for mutual benefit with their contacts. Ultimately, people with excellent networking skills can introduce two or more people from their networks who can benefit from each other.

During my final year of university, I was looking for an internship opportunity. Some of my friends were also looking and so we shared information among our group. I finally got an internship at (name of organization), Japan thanks to one friend of mine sharing the vacancy. On one dinner occasion during the internship, the HR Manager was present. I took this chance to ask whether there was a job opening for me either in Japan or its subsidiary in Indonesia. He told me there were currently no vacancy in Japan office but he would talk with the Indonesian branch the possibility to hire me. Upon returning to Indonesia, I sent an email to the Indonesian branch (name of organization). Soon I got an interview invitation and was hired. I shared this information to my friend and he was also invited for an interview and was eventually hired.

Earlier this year, my ex-work colleague was looking for heavy equipments for his new project, I remembered one of my friends from university is in this industry so I asked him if he had any available for this project. There is a demand from my professional network, a supply from my social network and I were able to connect them.

Becoming a Chevening scholar will give me the opportunity to be part of its ever expanding community. I will surely meet people with same professional background as I am, i.e. the oil and gas industry. I hope to establish relations with Chevening alumni and scholars who are industry experts and gain new knowledge and insights or information of new technologies that I can implement back in my home country. I also would like to create lasting relationships with alumni and scholars who are industry practitioners from developing countries so we can share, discuss and formulate solutions for difficulties that we face at our countries.

Sandy, your examples are nice and simple. The simplicity in your example is both its strength and weakness. Its strength is that you have shown that you are capable of sharing networks with your peers and that you are capable of building networks on your own. The weakness, is that the method or incidents by which these contacts were made do not have any strong impact upon the reader / reviewer. This sounds more like a reference for your good moral character instead of your ability to create an intricate and professional network that can help you advance your career at present and in the future. It would help your essay if you could somehow come up with a more complicated network and a more impressive method of having developed these networks. Something along the lines of creating an impression on someone during a seminar or training.

The dinner that you had with your HR manager would have been a good example of your networking skills if your boss had actually referred you to someone of an important position in the company in Indonesia for you to contact for your job hiring. It is important to not only show off your networking skills, but also that you have a network of people in the right places that you can access when the time or need to do so comes. This essay doesn't offer much confidence in your current network. It just can't catch the eye of the reviewer who will be reading of more impressive networking skills from other applicants. Try to beef up this essay. Maybe there is something in terms of your office training or seminars that you can use?

One way I can think of resolving the problem with your essay is by starting with a problem at the office that required you create a network of connections in order to resolve it. Do you, by any chance, have any experience in something similar?

@Holt
Thank you for your kind review. Frankly speaking, I realize I need to improve more in term of networking skills.

About the dinner, the HR manager in Japan actually told me to email the president director of Indonesia branch. I did send email to the director and soon he replied that I will be contacted by HR for interview arrangement. However, I actually have met the director for my internship interview so I am not sure if this is an impressive experience.

Due to my job, I was intensely in contacts with various suppliers we worked with, mainly discussing about technical aspects. Is this worth mentioning?

Aside from the above, nothing comes up to my mind right now. I will try to recall again.

Btw, thank you also for your review on my other essay. I am still working on it and will post and update soon.

Hi Sandy, definitely mention the networking skills that were involved when dealing with your suppliers. I think that we can spin that into a topic that can make your networking abilities stronger and relevant to the prompt. Since you had to deal with various suppliers, you had to develop networking skills and you also had to cultivate these contacts for future use in your line of work. It would help if you could mention how you continue to cultivate these existing contacts or how you manage to build new contacts as your career progresses.

If the HR director did not become a person whom you can consider a part of your network, meaning that this person is not someone you can approach for some important work related issues, then don't mention this part in the essay anymore. In actuality, that part of the essay is not really memorable. As such, it can't really impress the reviewer due to some lacking information that could help one consider the successive events something that is part of network building.

I am happy to help you out with your essays. Don't mention it. I'll do what i can to help you whenever I can and in whichever essay it may be.

I have removed the example about internship. I still can't think of any examples related with my suppliers. Any relationship build with them are based on they hoping me to use their services in the future (they benefit more from me than I do from them).

Instead, I have come up with new examples. Will appreciate your feedback.

Sandy, I am troubled by the fact that you can only use simple examples of your networking skills in this essay. I am not sure about how it will hold up or compete with the other essays regarding the same topic from different applicants with more impressive networks and networking skills to present. While this essay is acceptable enough for a simple job application or college scholarship, this really isn't the kind of networking essay that would impress the Chevening reviewer. With thousands of other applicants with more impressive or engaging networking essays, what reason can we give for him to consider yours with its simple networking narrative?

The idea is for this network to serve as your support group upon graduation and also allow you to contribute to the Chevening scholarship community by sharing your network with the alumna and current scholars when called upon to do so. Maybe you should take a step back and try to think, think long and hard, about a networking experience that relates to your profession that might, at the very least, catch the attention of the reviewer long enough to consider your application.

Mary, thank you for your eye-opening feedback. I have looked around the forum and realized that my essay is not strong enough.

I will take my time to think again.