Hello! I hope someone will help me with this supporting statement. Thank you!
How will the proposed study contribute to your career*? (max. 400 words)
air pollution in Jakarta
I have become an assistant lecturer at Diponegoro University for almost 3 years. With this background, I am planning to have a future career as a lecturer. There is a wonderful sensation every time I successfully taught other people about something they do not understand. I always want to have expertise in air pollution control. The urgencies to examine this issue is influenced by the fact that human activities have led many air pollutions which can cause a serious health risk.
According to IQAir (2018), the annual average concentration of PM2.5 in Jakarta has reached 45.3 µg/m3, four times bigger than the WHO standard with only 10 µg/m3. Furthermore, it makes Jakarta as a city with the worst air quality in Southeast Asia. Greenpeace (2019) stated that this condition is triggered by the increase of private vehicle in every day. In addition, another source of pollution like coal-powered electricity plant also contributes 33-38% of PM2.5 concentration in Jakarta. PM2.5 is the mixture of gas and solid particle with 2.5 micrometres of diameter, floated freely in the air. As a carcinogenic particle, it increases the risk of lung cancer, stroke, heart attack, and asthma (Chai et al, 2019). Based on Thayaparan (2014), besides resolving the impacted area, it is also necessary to have the role of a lecturer to spread awareness and conduct research about it as an act of prevention.
Master of Environmental Science in UniSA gives freedom to its student for choosing their own modules. Therefore, I can arrange several modules so that it can be dominated by air pollution control. Meanwhile, my career plan is also affected by the fact that there have been 22 lecturers in Environmental Engineering of Diponegoro University, but only 1 person that has a focus on air pollution control issue. Thus, this condition creates a marvellous chance for me to become a lecturer in this place with my desired field of interest.
[Contributor] - / 135 79
While the introduction is great, I suggest that you focus more on what is certainly asked for in the essay given that you are working with little word count. When you have such limitations imposed on your writing, it would always be helpful to minimize the texts that are unrelated to your actual topic especially because you are not specifically asked to do so and do not have the luxury to do it. For instance, your first three sentences were unrelated to air pollution and should instead be located in your personal statementrather than your study plan(if there is one separate).
For instance, I would revise your first paragraph as:
As a member of the academia in Diponegoro University, I am interested in air pollution control. I have noticed the urgency to focus on the issue because of the health risks that accompany its persistence. We can take a look at the case of Indonesia.
This is a more straightforward approach that will eliminate the unnecessary portions. Instead, it introduces your topic of interest earlier.
I would also recommend adding more detail to your last paragraph. Discuss more how your specialization in the future can contribute to your university. Does this help with things like developing the curriculum that you have right now? Does this help when it comes to helping potential students who are also interested in the field? Be as detailed and as bold as possible.