Practical Example After Graduating - primary health center and health promotion media

Hello,...
I would like to apply scholarship. Can you help me to correcting it?
The Question is 3 Practical example to intend knowledge and skill you gain from scholarship and constraints that will prevent you to achive your goal.

health service for communities

My first practical and realistic example After graduating master's of public health is back to my primary health center and develop health promotion media and strategy that suitable for the communities after I analyze their need for health service. Second, I would develop the function of regional public health promotion network. This network will not only be a communication forum, but also motion briefly in advocating regional government and regional health department about creating and producing health media promotion by giving attention to diversities and develop new strategic to do health promotion effectively. I will take role in conducting analysis of community needs in public health promotion as well as designing the appropriate media and strategy of health promotion. Third, Build a regional health care quality team. This team will responsible to build health care quality system to make sure all of the health care in the regional area have same standard, goals, and strategic and regularly monitor the implementation of health care quality system.

Although technology may be the one that can help health promotion effectively it is still an expensive thing in Indonesia. Funding will certainly become the challenge in order to have adequate technological resources to support health promotion. But, actually this matter can be solved by strong advocating and realiable and effective health promotion plan. Regional government actually has budgets for health promotion. Unfortunately, the budgets never issued because there was no realiable health promotion plan submitted for last several years. So, I think with strong advovating activity and reliable plan of health promotion Regional Government will support developing Health promotion media and strategy.

Help me please.
Thank You

... and realistic example After after graduating from master's of public health Public Health is to go back to my (...) and strategy that is suitable for ...

. . . but also a motion briefly in advocating
. . . and develop new strategic strategies to do health promotion effectively.

Third, Build building a regional health ...
This team will be responsible to build (...) regional area have the same standard, goals, and strategic goals and strategy/strategies and regularly ...

Cheers

Diga, you must focus the attention of the reviewer on the single, most important, and most impressive undertaking that you will commit yourself to upon your return to your home country. By making him read about only one relevant, but meaningful project that you will enact upon your graduation, he will see the seriousness of your intentions and also, gain a better understanding of why you are dedicating your life to public health. Do not confuse the issue by presenting so many projects all at once. Just pick the most important one and discuss it. That way, you can better connect the project to the problem of funding that you are going to face upon the implementation of your project. As of now, you are trying to take on too much too soon. Start small. Just tell the reviewer about one problem. He will better understand what it is you want to do that way. Don't take on the whole problem in one essay. As the saying goes, "Pick battles small enough to win but big enough to matter". That is how you should represent your response in this essay.

@Holt

Yes it will be easier like that, but the question asked three (3) practical examples to intend knowledge and skill you gain from scholarship and constraints that will prevent you to achive your goal.

So what do you think of my essay @Holt ?

@d2ny
Thank you for helping me to correcting it.
It's mean a lot for me.

Diga, I got special permission from the forum admin to respond one last time to your essay so let's make this advice count because I will not be able to come back to help you some more. In a way, I feel like the content of the essay is good, but the formatting is not. Somehow, the problems that you will be encountering along the way towards realizing the 3 examples seem to go hand in hand. They seem to need to blend seamlessly in the way that you present the essay. So my suggestion is this, open the essay with the hindrance that you will need to overcome first. By explaining the lack of funding first, and the budgeting problems, the introduction of the programs that you wish to implement after your graduation becomes more urgent and delivers a more serious note of necessity in the community. You can integrate the information to be part hindrance and part example, thus impressing the reviewer with your ability to find a go-around on the hindrance. For example, you can say:

My country has a pretty good public healthcare system in place. The government tries their best to address the public health issues even while working with a limited budget. This limited budget is what prevents the local health workers from accomplishing... So my plan, upon my return, is to use the limited budget offered to the local healthcare workers by implementing a program that... Another obstacle I will be facing is... which I plan to overcome by .... Finally, the problem of... can be resolved by my training since I will be able to...

By creating a more seamless and integrated presentation of both requirements, your essay should stand out from the pack of essay discussions that go prompt by prompt. Offering the problem, the solution, and how to implement the solution will make this essay different from all the rest.

@Holt

Thank you so much for your help and advice.. I will develop my essay.