I have witnessed world change around people who were unprepared for its transformation. I have taught a soldier firing, whose finger got amputated in a grenade blast. I have discussed demerits of conscription with a youthful xxx Defense Minister and have seen Tibetans struggle with their businesses in their new country of refuge- India.
I want to empower such people against uncertainties in life and I want Thunderbird to be my medium. The knowledge that I stand to gain here, will be my medium to impact the world in a very positive way. The scholarship if provided will help me empower such people in the most effective way.
I have a background which is quite different from other applicants. I have worked for 7 years in combat situations in uncertain environments. I have taken decisions that have impacted life and death of people. I want to contribute to Thunderbird with this background. The MBA program at Thunderbird fosters diversity and I want to gain and contribute to it.
I have saved lives of 12 soldiers at 40,000 ft in arduous weather and terrain of Greater Himalayas. For this very act, I was awarded High Altitude Medal by president of India for distinguished service in High altitude areas.
I have contributed to the community around me. Be it mentally or physically challenged children in Baroda during my undergraduate studies, or building sanitation facilities for villagers in Orchha in central India or developing a roadmap for sustainable growth for rural villages adopted by nonprofit organization called " xxx " in Indore, I have always been committed to my community. I expect to do the same at Thunderbird. A scholarship will give me opportunities to contribute to the local community. It will reduce my reliance on employment opportunities on campus and allow me to concentrate on my academics.
Once, I move to the US permanently in xxx' 2012, I will be without a job and savings from my previous job in India would be limited. At the same time, study of global management at Thunderbird will be an ideal opportunity for me to learn and contribute to the American culture. If given a scholarship, I can completely concentrate on my learning experiences offered on and off campus.
I intend to fund my studies at Thunderbird by obtaining student loans. A scholarship can help reduce my loans and give me peace of mind to pursue the course with rigor and hard work. I can devote more time experiences like clubs, talks, community services and events. In absence of Scholarship, I might have to pursue some student jobs on or off campus to meet my living expenses.
Let me assure the scholarships committee that if granted a scholarship, it will be put to the best academic utility. The MBA at Thunderbird is an opportunity to better myself and to improve community around me. I am committed to contribute to the society and to advancing its level of understanding. A scholarship will only recognize and reaffirm this cause.
xxx
India.
Excellent opening paragraph!
You got right to the point immediately and bluntly, yet somehow poetic at the same time. You may be more specific about your interest in the location of the school and what you like about the area it is located in. Also, you may want to elaborate a bit on what you would like the future to hold for you on a professional level. This is very well written and I hope you find my feedback helpful. Good luck!
