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QuestBridge College: community change / significant experience (100 words)


shiet1 2 / 3 1  
Mar 21, 2014   #1
These are my two responses to the prompts (listed beside the question). I can't figure out how to write my answers well and concisely! Each response is exactly 100 words (I had to word smith a lot). PLEASE HELP MAKE THESE ANSWERS WORTHY DUMI AND COMPANY

1. If you could change one thing about your community, what would you change and why?


I walk to class, avoiding chew-tobacco puddles and garbage left by unconcerned students. As I slip into my desk, my French teacher teaches without a textbook; the outdated textbooks lie uselessly on the shelf. Students stare apathetically at the board, thinking they have no reason to try, no future after graduating from an impoverished school. If my school had more funding, if the public was not apathetic, things would be different. A school would have hope; students, a future. If I could change my community, I would reform education, changing the future of current and future generations in my community.

2. Tell us about a significant experience, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.


When my parents separated, I experienced not only low-income living, but also living with a single father. I managed the household as my dad worked fourteen hour days and my sister worked two jobs to save for school. As I bore the responsibility of my family and lived in constant worry about affording living expenses, I began to yearn to overcome my circumstances, yearn for success. I worked harder; I got a job whenever I turned sixteen. I studied harder; I made all A's in my school's hardest courses. My disadvantage became an advantage, as I have made my own success.
Woodstock 7 / 17 3  
Mar 21, 2014   #2
I'll try to help you as much as I can:

As I slip into my desk, my French teacher teaches without a textbook

The teacher teaches part sounds redundant.

changing the future of current and future generations in my community.

Again, it sounds redundant. Maybe, the future of the generations to come?

Students stare apathetically at the board,

if the public was not apathetic

I think that if you remove the aphatetically of the first quote here, the sentence would not lose its meaning and you wouldn't be repeating words.

In my opinion this essay isn't very specific, and I think that many of the other kids that apply to Questbridge are going to have similar backgrounds. Try to find in the middle of all the things that you have learnt being from a broken family something that only you can give voice to, and write about it, but you have very good ideas here.

It's only my opinion, I don't have much experience, but good luck!


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