The occasional times when my mom tells me go read the Quran or do prayer, I neither have the confidence to go do it, nor the courage to say 'No'. Times like those is where I have a moral breakdown within myself.
It is not for a reason that I do not have faith in my God, but it is rather of how much I value my time against that very faith. I see my friends post pictures and long posts about their dedication and love for their religious affairs, but I certainly doubt that they would miss certain essential responsibilities for it. Perhaps that is where they draw their line; however, I draw that line against the expenditure of my time. I do not want to say that it is my faith that is weak in this regard; I always try to be honest, I always try to put others before myself, I try to live my life as close to do the positive teaching of Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), I look to God for help in every struggle and gratitude in every success. Rather, I believe, it is because of the great significance and value that I associate my time with. Time that is always ticking and doesn't stop for anyone or anything. There is a guarantee that the hard work I put in using my time, I will get to harvest a fruit equally worth in my lifetime. That is the philosophy of how I've lived my life and how I've gained the results. The two things not guaranteed in this equation are whether time will continue after my death and whether I will get to see the work I put in with God in this lifetime, pay off in the next.
I remember walking to the mosque holding my grandfather's index finger, every Friday back home in Pakistan, all in the aspirations of what the stalls would serve up that day in those little newspaper cones after the prayer. Even as a kid, I was playing with this idea of time put in and reward earned back. As I grew up, and I set my eyes on my goals in life and realized the value that time and its correct placement played in that process, it became harder to displace time for other things that gave no direct, visible output. A balance was hard since I valued one over the other, but still I was absolutely not willing to take a chance on something I knew I could prepare for. The unity was to work towards the same goal of being at of a high stature with power when I grow up, but implementing that power to help the poor and less able, and to leave with a vastly positive impact on the world and its people. I don't think of an additional task after my goal, but spending my time to get to that singular goal, and to die being successful in life and the one to come after that.
It is not for a reason that I do not have faith in my God, but it is rather of how much I value my time against that very faith. I see my friends post pictures and long posts about their dedication and love for their religious affairs, but I certainly doubt that they would miss certain essential responsibilities for it. Perhaps that is where they draw their line; however, I draw that line against the expenditure of my time. I do not want to say that it is my faith that is weak in this regard; I always try to be honest, I always try to put others before myself, I try to live my life as close to do the positive teaching of Prophet Mohammed (pbuh), I look to God for help in every struggle and gratitude in every success. Rather, I believe, it is because of the great significance and value that I associate my time with. Time that is always ticking and doesn't stop for anyone or anything. There is a guarantee that the hard work I put in using my time, I will get to harvest a fruit equally worth in my lifetime. That is the philosophy of how I've lived my life and how I've gained the results. The two things not guaranteed in this equation are whether time will continue after my death and whether I will get to see the work I put in with God in this lifetime, pay off in the next.
I remember walking to the mosque holding my grandfather's index finger, every Friday back home in Pakistan, all in the aspirations of what the stalls would serve up that day in those little newspaper cones after the prayer. Even as a kid, I was playing with this idea of time put in and reward earned back. As I grew up, and I set my eyes on my goals in life and realized the value that time and its correct placement played in that process, it became harder to displace time for other things that gave no direct, visible output. A balance was hard since I valued one over the other, but still I was absolutely not willing to take a chance on something I knew I could prepare for. The unity was to work towards the same goal of being at of a high stature with power when I grow up, but implementing that power to help the poor and less able, and to leave with a vastly positive impact on the world and its people. I don't think of an additional task after my goal, but spending my time to get to that singular goal, and to die being successful in life and the one to come after that.
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